Loneliness and Our Mental Health

Authenticity.

What does this word mean to you?

Would you say that there is authenticity in your life?

Are your friendships and relationships authentic?

Are you perhaps convincing yourself that they are when the reality is that they are not?

Authenticity is scarce these days. Especially when it comes to our friendships and relationships. As we became increasingly addicted to our devices and social media over the years, we somehow became convinced that more 'likes' and 'connections' would somehow replace our need for deep, meaningful connections in the real world.

In today's digital world we are constantly bombarded with images and videos on every platform of people surrounded others and "living their best lives" (in quotes because while some people may have it better than others, we ALL go through challenging times in our lives).

However, we may be surprised to learn that when the cameras stop rolling, this person, or even these people, are suffering from the "loneliness epidemic" that's becoming increasingly prevalent.

Anyone can smile for a picture but not everyone can fake a smile when they are stuck in the middle of the woods and realize they have no one to come help them.

Anyone can smile for a picture but not everyone can smile when that gut-wrenching feeling of loneliness creeps up on us after spending an afternoon or evening with individuals who bring us down rather than lift us up.

You may have hundreds of contacts in your phone or on your social media platforms, but how many of those people would actually come and help you in the middle of the night should you need them? All of them? A few of them? One of them? None of them?

There's nothing to be ashamed about if you experience this.

In fact, many of us experience this or have in the past. It can be daunting to realize that the "friends" we have are in fact the very people who make us feel alone.

It can be even more daunting to change this pattern of surrounding ourselves with such individuals. However, it's only when we change this pattern do we make way for people - even it is only one or two - who can lift us up and dissolve that feeling of loneliness within us.

I should mention that I believe there is a difference between being alone and being lonely. In fact, being alone from time to time is actually beneficial to our mental health. However, prolonged loneliness is harmful to our mental health and overall wellbeing.

So, just how does being lonely impact our mental health?

Well, for starters, we may feel hopeless and lost. That's a no-brainer. Since the beginning of time, humans have needed other humans to survive. Human connection is and will always crucial to our survival as a species. We've relied on each other over the centuries and will continue to. You may believe you don't need anybody but, in fact, you do. We all do. Even if it's just one or two people.

The following is a quote I pulled from an article I recently read on Psychology Today.

"Beyond living with others, about one in five Americans reports rarely or never feeling close to others. Further, two in five Americans sometimes or always feel that their relationships are not meaningful."

I used to believe that having a large number of friends was far more important than having a few truly good friends. I was all about quantity over quality.

I would eventually learn that I was wrong. Very wrong.

It took surviving depression twice and plunging into the dark abyss of loneliness and despair for me to realize a few fundamental things about life. I won't delve into them but one of the main things was that having a few truly good friends will change your life in a number of ways.

If you have more than just a few truly good friends, you should consider yourself to be very lucky and grateful for the abundance in your life.

Let's quickly jump back to the impact loneliness has on our mental health, though. Loneliness can take a form of its own in our minds leading us to believe things that are simply not true thus plummeting us even further into the dark abyss. This is when loneliness is dangerous - dare I even say life-threatening. Loneliness convinces us that we are not worthy of authentic friendships and relationships.

The sad truth is that most of the time we end up believing this and we prevent ourselves from seeking out individuals who can enrich our lives. Rather, we stick to the same people who drag us down or leave us feeling empty, we isolate ourselves even more or we seek new people while repeating the same subconscious patterns that led us to feel lonely in the first place.

When you are suffering from depression or any other mental health issue, the people we surround ourselves will determine whether we successfully or unsuccessfully heal. If we continue to surround ourselves with people who make us feel lonely or, on the flip side, we engage with loneliness and believe the false narrative it has implanted in our minds that we are not worthy, our mental health will continue to deteriorate. It will likely even deteriorate at a more rapid rate.

So, how do we combat the feeling of loneliness and, if you struggle with mental health, prevent it from derailing your healing journey?

One of the hardest things we are tasked with in life is cutting off those unhealthy friendships and relationships we are involved in. Just the very thought of it may fill your heart with pain.

However, nothing is more painful than continuing these toxic patterns that ultimately result in feelings of loneliness. The freedom and joy you will experience from releasing yourself from these unhealthy relationships and inviting authentic relationships into your life will be unparalleled to anything you have ever felt before.

The first and most important step is realizing that you are worthy of authentic friendships and relationships. This can be particularly difficult if you are currently struggling with your mental health but it is possible.

Once you realize this, everything will fall into place.

Yes, you may temporarily have fewer people in your life or in your contacts, but eventually, the people who will lift you up in life will take their place. It is quite difficult to make friends as you grow older but it is possible. Only then will then look back on your days of feeling lonely and feel instant gratitude for the new people in your life who don't make you feel lonely.

Eventually, the mask(s) fall off each and every one of us. We are then confronted with the truth of who we are and whom we surrounded ourselves with. We either realize that we have surrounded ourselves with people who lift us up or with people who make us feel lonely.

Those moments we were surrounded by dozens of people whose names we have long forgotten eventually become passing memories whereas the moments we were surrounded by people who truly loved and cared for us become our most cherished memories - memories we hold on to until our last breath.

So, my questions to you are:

• How many people in your life can you truly count on?
• Do you think the loneliness epidemic is something that will get worse or better over the years?
• Has the feeling of loneliness impacted your mental health and/or your healing process?