Loneliness and the Community Superhero we all can be.

I am alone. A powerful and destructive thought experienced by so many.

About me 

I am co-chair and a trustee at Mind in Kingston and sit on the steering group of Mind in London. I am passionate about mental health and wellbeing. This is the first in a series of articles I am writing about the effects of the covid pandemic on people in the UK.  

 About this article  

This article tackles the wrenching affect of loneliness and looks at what we can all do. It provides information about the impact of the covid pandemic in the U.K. through to July 2020. It gives insight as to our response as a society and how family, employers, neighbours and friends can ensure they can signpost people to support. This is the second published edition of this article, republished in early August 2020 to include additional information on support and further insights. 

Launching the first dedicated support line in Kingston and surrounding areas in South West London and Surrey.  

In August 2020 Mind in Kingston were notified we have been successful in winning a grant from the Mind loneliness fund to offer specialised telephone support to our local communities to help with loneliness. This is the first such service to be launched in Kingston and the surrounding areas. The grant provides the seed finance to begin our work. The line will open in the coming months. We need to raise further funds to expand and continue the service. You can make a donation or become a regular contributor at our website: https://www.mindinkingston.org.uk/donations.asp 

 Loneliness

 Each of us accepts that our social and work networks form the stone upon which we walk our path as individuals. We think of ourselves in relation to others. We interact to understand our own feelings and thoughts, to find comfort, to find insight, to find understanding and love. Interactions with others give rise to what we think of as society. Yet for many these interactions evaporated. The coronavirus pandemic has had such a deep effect on our social behaviours and wellbeing. Loneliness is located within the individual and how they feel. It explains why loneliness can be experienced in a crowd and that being alone does not necessarily mean being lonely.. 

During lockdown, different generations of families have found themselves confined to their respective homes, while those living alone – other than key workers – faced enforced isolation. Those who had regular visitors whether friends or carers found those comforting routines changed and often absent. Those social butterflies who spent much of their time pre-lockdown away from home visiting with others found their way of life ceased.

The ONS found us, these lonely people. They gave us a name. “The lockdown lonely”. They found that between 3 April and 3 May, 31% of those surveyed by the ONS – the equivalent of 7.4 million people who said their wellbeing had been affected by lockdown – reported experiencing loneliness in the seven days before being surveyed. Us, these lockdown lonely, lived in this way for months.

The ONS grouped respondents into three clusters. The "lockdown lonely" (those who have become lonely in lockdown), the "chronically lonely" (those who felt lonely often or always), and everyone else.

The data showed that "lockdown lonely" and the “chronically lonely” were more likely to report impacts on their wellbeing. People in poor health, without partners and those in rented accommodation were more likely to experience both categories of loneliness.

A smaller, ongoing ONS study showed that almost a quarter of adults said they felt lonely sometimes, often or always over the course of lockdown, and that this was still the case as recently as the second week of July. 

The ONS survey tells us what affect loneliness is having on people. Each cluster were asked a series of questions about how their wellbeing had been affected in the previous seven days. The results are startling.

The chronically lonely cluster results showed over 60% experienced feeling stressed or anxious; feeling they had too much time alone, feeling bored, and feeling their mental health had been affected. Over 40% reported experiencing a strain on their relationships and nearly 40% reported having no one to talk to about their worries. 

The lockdown lonely cluster results showed over 60% experienced feeling stressed or anxious; and nearly the same percentage said they felt bored. Nearly 60% said they had too much time alone. Over 40% said their mental health had been affected. Close to a third said they had experienced strain on their relationships and had no one to talk to. 

The final cluster consisting of everyone else showed over 60% felt stressed or anxious. Around half said they had been feeling bored. Around a quarter said they had too much time alone, their mental health had been affected and they had experienced strain on their personal relationships. Over 10% had no one to talk about their worries.

 Loneliness is a big contributing factor to adverse affects on mental health and to suicide risk. These numbers show us the scale of the challenge before us as a society. 

In south west london and surrey Mind in Kingston are seeing an increase in requests for counselling and are striving to increase the number of counselling sessions we can offer. At Mind in Kingston we have seen more people joining our wellbeing programmes based around creative or physical activities. These all moved online and we increased the number of activities we were offering as lockdown took hold. We also had to suspend our wellbeing café services in kingston and the surrey borders. For some of our clients these café’s were the only regular interactions with people they had. For them, and countless others in our communities, lock down brought loneliness.

The campaign to end Loneliness launched their national report into loneliness in July 2020. It can be found here: https://www.campaigntoendloneliness.org/wp-content/uploads/Psychology_of_Loneliness_FINAL_REPORT.pdf 

This is the first national policy report on loneliness and psychology in the UK. It presents a call for action. 

The impacts of loneliness

Charities and individuals across the country working to bring people together will recognise the human impacts of loneliness. The way that being lonely can undermine self confidence and take us further from a social life.  The need for support on the journey out of loneliness. How the best way of helping people is to see their strengths and help them unlock their own capabilities. 

The group of people with chronic loneliness which may be part of a complex set of problems or due to difficult life events such as bereavement. This group may be best helped by one-to-one support directly focused on helping them alleviate loneliness using psychological techniques. 

 How is loneliness understood and experienced? 

Loneliness happens when the social connections people want don’t match their actual experience of relationships with others. It is an emotional response. As such it is important we as a society and a group of responders draw more on the insights of psychology than is currently the case. The report by the Campaign to End Loneliness sets the tone to do this. 

People can be lonely because of social loneliness, the absence of a network of family, friends or community.  Emotional loneliness on the other hand is the lack of a confidante or a living trusting relationship, even within a good social network.  A less common type of loneliness is existential loneliness. This is a feeling of separateness from others is commonly associated with people with a life threatening illness or those experiencing trauma. These types of loneliness are not mutually exclusive and are likely to overlap and commonly be experienced to different extents at different times.

People describe thoughts and feelings of loneliness with words like anxiety, fear, shame and helplessness. These powerful emotions can influence how we act. They can create a downward spiral where loneliness causes someone to withdraw further from family and friends and so become lonelier.

Loneliness can affect how we anticipate and interpret our social experiences. This can mean we are more apprehensive or fearful of social situations or pick up on social rejection cues too readily. Another way that loneliness can worsen is if we see the cause of our loneliness as something that will not change: that it is just part of who we are, or of becoming older, or of the pandemic. 

Events in earlier life, personality types and styles of coping all affect our risk of loneliness in later life.

While loneliness is not a mental health issue in itself, mental health problems, particularly depression and social anxiety, can cause loneliness. In the other direction, loneliness can cause mental health problems. There is a similar relationship with dementia, where loneliness can cause cognitive decline, while dementia can lead to people becoming lonely. 

There is not a complete picture of exactly how all these factors come together but enough is known to develop psychological approaches that complement social and structural measures.

For Mind in Kingston, at work to support mental wellbeing, striving to support people in their journey out of loneliness is a vital part of our work to support those living with mental health illness and a core component of the work in response to the pandemic to prevent mental ill health and reductions in people’s mental wellbeing.

Loneliness in young people

At the height of the crisis young people were more likely to report being lonely than older people. Young people’s mental health services are embedded in schools and universities, all of which were physically closed. Acute mental health services for young people have been overstretched for a decade.  

More than half of those aged 16 to 24 who felt their wellbeing had been affected by lockdown said they experienced loneliness in the past seven days (50.8%). Compared to 28% of the 70- plus group. Charities have sought to respond, true in south west london and surrey as it is elsewhere. Yet these figures show the impact on our young people at a time the most accessible support normally around them was absent. 

Loneliness in older people

More than half of over 65s who live alone said they had experienced lockdown loneliness. (50.1%). Age UK says it has experienced an unprecedented increase in the number of vulnerable older people contacting it for help. People were being increasing left to their own thoughts during lockdown as social contact became infrequent or absent. 

If you didn’t experience this yourself, imagine being ill and in bed but no one comes to see you. Imagine you are awake, and your mind is fully engaged. Imagine how you will start to miss interaction with others, then wonder why you are alone. Then start to question whether it’s because you are ill, because you are boring, because you are not a good person.  

Talking and being with others

Evidence shows that people in the UK find loneliness difficult to talk about. We too often feel we ourselves are to blame, that it is our fault we are unable to form meaningful relationships. Clinicians talk about the idea of a downward spiral of loneliness. Those negative thoughts begin to create negative feelings, and they over time influence our behaviours. You begin to behave in a way that anticipates and expects you will be alone, you begin to withdraw, you begin to become even more alone. The first step is to have the support to reach out, to initiate social contact.

Techniques that have proven to help people experiencing chronic loneliness

Cognitive behavioural therapy helps people understand their thoughts, feelings and behaviours so they can change some of these to manage their difficulties. 

Mindfulness can help people become aware of their thoughts during difficult times and choose to accept or reject them.

Positive psychology promotes positive emotions, helping people to override negative feelings and thought patterns.

These are the approaches that the work to date of the Campaign to End Loneliness has established as most promising. 

People have been touched by loneliness in new ways as a result of the coronavirus pandemic. As we emerge from these unparalleled times there is a clear public will to grow as a society.

The local community response to loneliness and care in the community across the UK and seen here in south west london and surrey has been a really positive aspect to come from the pandemic. We all must continue these community interventions. Keep knocking on your neighbours doors, picking up shopping, making phone calls and all those other things neighbours and groups have been doing. 

Charities and other organisations have worked tirelessly to innovate to adapt how they contact people. At Mind In Kingston the team moved quickly to digital tools, to socially distanced and PPE enabled personal contact, and to mobile telephone lines. We know we need to prepare to do more as the crest of the wave begins to break over our society and our communities. We have worked hard already, and the team are committed to continuing to do so. 

I have been incredibly proud of our team’s response to loneliness and isolation both in the services we offer and in how we look after our own staff. Our team have reached out to those using our existing services and found innovative ways to replace the contact people had through our services before the pandemic struck.

Internally I have taken part in a zoom quiz night and virtual team meetings. We have plans for a socially distanced park team social.  I’ve been a socially distanced coffee buddy for an employee left working alone with a vulnerable client group and empty office for four and half months. These have been rewarding contributions for my wellbeing as well as the wellbeing of each of my colleagues. 

What you can do today

In your own work and personal life take it upon yourself to be a community superhero. Remember loneliness, look out for your colleagues and neighbours, family members. Small, meaningful interactions are hugely valuable. 

If you would like to support Mind in Kingston’s work on ending loneliness in Kingston and the surrounding areas of south west london and Surrey you can make a donation here: https://www.mindinkingston.org.uk/donations.asp 

Where you can get support

 Mind 

Mental Health Information and Support 

Tel: 0300 123 3303 

Monday to Friday 9am -6pm 

The Samaritans 

Free 365 days a year. 24/7 support. 

Tel: 116 123

Mind in Kingston 

Tel: 020 8255 3939 

Where you can find out more about loneliness: 

The Campaign to End Loneliness: https://www.campaigntoendloneliness.org/wp-content/uploads/Psychology_of_Loneliness_FINAL_REPORT.pdf 

Kevin Mitchell 

#sharpestpeninthehouse 

Orginally published July 2020, updated and republished August 2020