Loneliness is a b*tch and it happens to us all; how you navigate it is the key

Friendships are like this bowl of fruit???????; we all know that fruit are good for us but it’s easy to let things slip, or to get distracted by junk food???, and the bowl becomes empty pretty quickly unless you refill it*

Ok, so the analogy might need some work ??, but that’s where my head went as I was filling my fruit bowl with newly purchased fruit just as a wave of loneliness hit me ??

Yep! I experienced a wave of loneliness!

What a strange time for it to have hit: I had just made it back to my flat after 4 magical days with my family celebrating Christmas????.

On the one hand I was glad to have my space again but, on the flip side, I also missed having people around.

It was the sharp contrast; I’ve lived alone for years but it’s times like this that I realise how alone I can feel ??.

Being single and a solo-founder of a small business compounds this problem as, my family aside, I don’t have that many consistent people in my life to be able to regularly share deeper emotions**

It’s one of the reasons behind my thirst to keep relationships going.

It is also invariably one of the drivers behind my LinkedIn usage and of my recent #1000postschallenge as I strive to drive more meaningful relationships through social media.

Ironically loneliness is not a lone phenomenon

50- 60% of people have reported to feeling lonely at one time or another and whilst for many of us, like me, this is a temporary thing, for some people this is a constant state (according to the Office of National Statistics, 7% of people in the UK admit to chronic loneliness).

I’m not the only one that uses social media as a proxy for in-person relationship nowadays.

Maybe it’s my focus on EQ as part of my job???, the fact that I am Palestinian or just one of the legacies of covid ?? and all the conflicts ?? that are going on in the world at the moment, but I certainly have noticed more and more people that are in need of someone to listen to them.

It’s why I constantly reach out and try to bring more joy to everyone’s life.

I get just as much out of it as they do ?? and I like to inspire people with my work ??.

That said there are definitely a lot of people that need more than just a friendly voice note to help them through the tough times???.

What you do about loneliness is the key

As the post-Christmas wave of loneliness hit me I fell into all the things you shouldn’t do:

• I wallowed at home ??
• I snacked a lot ??
• I drank on my own ????
• I did no exercise ??
• I doom scrolled on my phone ?? (particularly other people’s social media that I imagined were not feeling lonely)
• I stayed up late ??

Ever find yourself doing any of those a bit too much?

For me, realising I’m doing it is the key and then tracing back:

“If this is the solution I am choosing to roll out then what is the problem that sits underneath?”

Throwing myself into work, as is many people’s solution, would have been the easy solution but that’s effectively trading one vice for another.

Turning the corner

Whilst this may be easier said than done, but once I’m aware of the slump I find I can do something about it.

And this time I leapt straight at it by:

1. Reaching out to people— I sent a bunch of messages to a range of contacts to see how their Christmas was (a mix of those I had and hadn’t spoken to recently) and it instantly kicked off a range of conversations and good memories [see pic below] ????♂?
2. Setting myself small objectives?—?having tasks to complete really helped me just refocus so I went and did a big food shop (hence the fruit in my bowl), cleaned the kitchen, did a bunch of ironing, etc ??
3. Establishing routine linked to my longer term goals?—?I cooked a few healthy meals, picked up a book I had parked a while back, started flat-hunting, etc ?? ??
4. Got outside and did some exercise?—?sometimes just lacing those trainers is a good way to turn a corner for me (god bless the run clubs I joined this summer) ????
5. Ringing people?—?even one phone call is better than none and I rang a few ??
6. Saying yes to offers that came my way?—?as luck would have it, a friend messaged me out of the blue on a day when I had nothing planned (a date had cancelled on me last minute) and suggested we meet for coffee. Sure it would involve an hour travelling each way and I could have easily said no but I’m so glad I didn’t. Situations like that really remind me of this joke/parable ????
7. Spreading joy to others?—?I contacted 2 people I knew were struggling and did something for them which made me feel good about myself ??
8. Going easy on myself?—?ok, I still did some of the TV watching, the doom scrolling and the snacking but it was all in moderation ??
9. Planning for the future?—?I used the stimulus to do a bout of goal setting for 2025 ???

Is that it? Am I now cured of my loneliness?

Of course not; it’s never that simple but being aware of it and managing it will make a massive difference to my life.

Longer term, my aim is to make some changes to my personal and professional life that will help alleviate the challenge so watch this space.

I appreciate that many others may not be quite as far along the change curve of this as I am and loneliness is a terrible thing.

So, if you think you may be lonely don’t be afraid to follow my approach above.

More than that I’d be delighted to be one of the people that you reach out to ??

Faris

*as an aside, there’s also the case that if there is too much fruit then it’ll be hard to eat it all before it goes off which is an analogy connected to the Dunbar number, but that’s for another day

**the irony is not lost on me that I’m an EQ expert who doesn’t share his own emotions regularly enough

Faris is the CEO and Founder of Shiageto Consulting, an innovative consultancy that helps firms and individuals sharpen their effectiveness. Connect with him here

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