Locked down or locked up .... take your pick

I'm sneaking this newsletter out early. Friday evening instead of the usual Sunday slot. In part because Sunday (14th Feb) is my husband's birthday. Of course it is. Who else would have a blinking birthday on Valentine's day. Also, because last week, the gods of LinkedIn tried to silence me.

Every time I hit "publish" I got a little read notice saying publishing wasn't possible at this time. I reckoned it was probably my criticism of those companies with stupid "Purpose" statements, given they probably spend ￡￡￡￡￡ on the platform. So I just kept hitting publish. Even tried doing the same post with a different photo. To no avail.

And then suddenly, on about Tuesday, my 13 identical unpublished posts were published. I AM SORRY if this clogged up your feed.

Sorry seems to be ....

.. the hardest word, obviously. What is it about these men that they just can't say "I'm sorry. I was an idiot. I got it wrong. I am sorry."

KPMG really does "empower change"

I also apologise for taking the micky out of KPMG's "purpose" slogan. I thought "empowering change" was a load of old tosh but it turns out I was wrong. They really do empower change.

Bill Michael, the Chairman, is chairman no more. He told staff to stop moaning about a piffling global pandemic and, for good measure, shared his view that unconscious bias is "complete and utter crap.". This latter point, made by a rich, white, male Australian (with apologies to my lovely white male Australian buddies) was particularly laughable. Anyway, turns out it was no laughing matter. He's off. Replaced by two women. Temporarily of course. (They are now busy seeking a proper replacement, the women being photogenic stand-ins if you believe what they say in the papers).

At least he did say sorry. After he was forced to resign.

Revenge is a dish best served cold?

This incident reminded me of another, almost two years ago. Two female partners, Maggie Brereton and Ina Kjaer were incensed at the way the firm's leadership dealt with (or didn't deal with) complaints of bullying. On that occasion, there was no "sorry" and no resignations, so they resigned themselves and set up their own firm. I met them once. Very inspiring. Here they are.

They are far too classy to say "About time, serves you right" so I'll say it for them.

Our Friend in Tokyo

Goodness, you really don't want to be getting a mention in this newsletter do you. Our old (literally, he's 83) friend Yoshiro Mori, who last week said women talk too much, was also forced to resign. He managed to do so without actually saying sorry and also tried to install his 85 year old mate in his position, but was blocked from so doing.

The organising committee for Tokyo 2020 are busy finding a replacement, which of course is an utter waste of time because, as I keep telling you, these games are not going ahead.

My only yardstick is the Australian Open (as you know if you're a regular reader) and this week the whole of Melbourne is going into a five day lockdown because of an increase in reported cases of Covid caused by the influx of tennis players..... One competition, one sport, Feb 2021. Why do we think a competition involving 33 sports and many more countries is going to be a safe bet come July?

Shock Horror! Foreign spies spotted

"MI6 recruiting foreign born spies for first time to improve diversity."

That was the headline of a Times article this week, which went on to say that "MI6 is recruiting foreign born spies after quietly relaxing entry requirements to increase diversity."

The journalist who wrote this needs to be taken aside and given a good lesson in what diversity is all about. In this case, it's about making sure you have different voices, different perspectives, wisdom, different ways of looking at a problem, the ability to see alternative views and to imagine different problems and solutions.

It's about getting better outcomes. Matthew Syed, in his brilliant book, "Rebel Ideas" explains this well. Here he is.

Or we could go back to only hiring Oxbridge educated, white English public schoolboys with names like Philby, Burgess, MacLean. We know how well that went.

And 10 year jail sentence goes to ...

Thank goodness we're in total lockdown. Remember all those confusing rules? Bubbles and whether children counted? Gyms, open or not? Golf OK or not? Six metre rule? Or was it two metres and six in a bubble. Exercise wherever you like or exercise within 200m of your house? Go for a walk but don't take a hot drink because that counts as a picnic?

Well, if they ever let us out, you'd better read up on the rules because I hear they're not only doling out fines but also slapping people in prison (though how they will do this given the backlog of cases coming to court I'm not sure). I heard tell of a maximum prison sentence of 10 years but I can't remember exactly what for .... was either

• Lying about where you've been on holiday
• Having a party
• Claiming key worker status when all you do is shuffle money around and your partner does 5 or 6 hours of volunteering each week in the hope of getting a vaccine early
• Volunteering to do 5 or 6 hours of volunteering each week simply to get an early vaccine
• Not getting a vaccine when you've had the call

Stay inside folks, it's safer.

Is there a God?

I've never been sure. But maybe there is. I say that because as soon as lockdown 1 started, the weather turned. For the most part, here in the UK anyway, it was hot, dry and sunny. So we didn't mind so much. Wandering around our local park in the middle of summer instead of schlepping off to places where it was 85 degrees in the shade was actually quite nice.

Left to our own devices in Lockdown 2, things went pear-shaped. No weather related divine intervention and we ignored the rules, pushed the boundaries, and look what happened. Hopeless.

Lockdown 3? It's freezing. Snow, ice, arctic temperatures. Too cold to go anywhere even if we wanted to. Is there a God?

Brexit Broke My Boots

You may recall I ordered some new boots. Three weeks ago. They are still not here. Brexit. At this rate, by the time they arrive I will have moved on to flip flops. Although my kids tell me flip flops are not the thing, it's sliders now. Although that was last year. Remind me to check in with them before I go ordering anything new.

#FreeBritney (and Gavin)

I've not really been keeping up with it but there's a big court case going on over the pond with the hashtag Free Britney. Apparently Britney's dad has control over her life and finances. I don't understand the ins and outs.

I'm more concerned with Gavin. Williamson. AKA the White Rabbit. Has anyone seen him? I read a story just today about how it might finally be time for GCSEs to be scrapped and replaced with something a little more fitting for the 21st century. You'd expect a quote in there from the person who is allegedly in charge of the Dept for Education. Wouldn't you?

Nothing. Nada. I reckon the Queen of Hearts has stuffed him down a rabbit hole. Or maybe he lied about booking a holiday to Cornwall and is serving his 10 year sentence. No, wait, that was Hancock ... the Cheshire Cat. Now gleefully displaying the graph with vaccinations on it, whilst at the same time pushing to one side that pesky one showing death rates ....

Speaking of Education

Last word. This week I volunteered to to a couple of mock interviews for some Year 13 students. You know, the ones who have had their adolescence stolen from them, their education taken away, who are suffering terrible anxiety and depression.

Well, I don't mean to diminish the awful experiences of many young people and at the same time, I have to report that the young women I spoke to (all of whom came from ethnic minority backgrounds, coincidentally) were confident, articulate, well adjusted, sanguine and generally just very inspiring.

Perhaps the papers could give us some good news stories once in a while. Just to balance things out.

Poor Petra

Actually, this really is the last word. The Times 2 on Thursday led with the headline:

People think we sit around eating lobster and bathing in champagne." Petra Ecclestone.

I am really sorry, Petra, but you needn't worry. No-one - and I really do mean NO-ONE - is thinking about you AT ALL. Or am I wrong? If any readers have been fretting about what Petra is doing on a daily basis, please do correct me.

I'm Reading: A Gentleman in Moscow - Count gets locked up in hotel attic for 50 years. Read it before but my book club is resurrecting itself and has chosen this as the next book.

I'm Listening to : A Gentleman in Moscow - given my inability to actually read anything

I'm watching: Call My Agent. Saw the first series, loved it, now catching up with the rest.

Happy Valentine's weekend people. I love you all. As the Donald used to say.