LOCKDOWN makes me HAPPY even though it’s ruining my life!

Life under lockdown has thrown up some big questions; what will the world be like when this is over? Am I allowed to be happy whilst others are struggling? When can I watch live sport again? Why on earth would anyone want to work from home all the time? Why I am ordering stuff I don’t need from Amazon? Why is everyone making banana bread?

Late last week, as I was enjoying another extended lunch break in my garden with my wife, the kids were napping, the sun was shining, and I’d momentarily forgotten about the all-consuming pandemic! I said to my wife “I feel pretty happy”.

Immediately, I felt uncomfortable and guilty, Why?

The thousands of deaths, because people around the world are plugged into ventilators, our brilliant and brave NHS staff are risking their lives in scrubs made by volunteers, I should be making a living for my family, I can’t visit my mum (who’s just turned 70), my work family is depending on me to keep the business going, I feel bad because some of the team are furloughed (a word I’d never used until last month) and here’s me, despite all this shared anxiety… lounging in my garden feeling pretty relaxed!

I got up from my recently delivered sun lounger, and went back into the house to turn on the disappointment machine (my laptop) and buried myself into the remaining work I have to do, I achieved nothing for the rest of the day and left my wife struggling with the children for the rest of the sunny afternoon. All because I felt guilty!

From that point on, I decided just to go with my gut. If there are moments of happiness or security to be had during lockdown, I am going to take them.

Eating (and drinking) offers happiness and this has nothing to do with isolation, it always has. Now I think we appreciate food more. Our meals punctuate our day and give us something to looking forward to.

My wife and I plan our meals, and we have become thrifty. We may not have all the ingredients for everything, but we do have time, which seems the breed creativity.

Drinking seems to come with the territory…

Every day I have uttered the sentence “I wasn’t going to drink today, but (insert excuse)”. Typically, the next day I’ll walk past our neighbour’s recycling tub overflowing with wine bottles and feel instantly less guilty, a good example of being “in it together” I guess?

When this stuff started, I’d religiously watch the daily Government briefings, now I decide to consume the info when I’m in the right headspace, other than #stayathome we have little control over the bigger picture so why force yourself to feel shit.

I appreciate that everyone has different challenges right now and granted some people will really be struggling with the lockdown. I can empathise, with those fearing the worst.

 I am running a small business that relies on humans meeting, interacting with, and essentially liking other humans to make money, which is in short supply at the moment.

Maybe quarantine just works for me as I’ve become more anti-social and adept at burying my head in the sand over the years?

My thoughts are interrupted as the doorbell rings… hopefully, It’s Amazon delivering my new running shoes!

I open the door and it’s another f*cking batch of Banana bread someone has left us!

Mercifully, the weather has been great for most of the lockdown, but now that’s changed for the worst we will once again adapt and not get too down about it!

One thing is certain, a new kind of normal life is probably not that far away now (a few weeks maybe) and we will be back helping the economy recover and trying to fix the world we left behind.

Recent rumors that the Premier League may be restarting and zoom calls with the team at work keep me going, even though I'm a bit fed up with video calls.

So, for the time being, I am going to enjoy the forced family time, maybe it’s what we all needed!