Living vs. Existing

I am reading a book called Masters of the Air: America's Bomber Boys Who Fought the Air War Against Nazi Germany, which describes, in horrifying detail, the experiences of those who went in the bomber war in WWII.

Leaving aside the incredible death toll, the mental, emotional, physical, and psychological strain of these near-suicide missions was massive.

At some point, the Army Air Corps (precursor to the Air Force) recognized the need for massive Rest/Relaxation for these troops and would send them for a few days to English country estates to recuperate.

One line really stuck out to me about their “recovery” process (you can never really recover from war, I would imagine).

There was a point, the doctors said, where they would see the flyers playing a game or frolicking (and more) with the female Red Cross volunteers who were there, and they said, “these boys were no longer merely existing, they were living.”

I thought about my own experience (which nowhere nears the intensity or severity of war), but I thought, “yeah, there are days when I’m existing, not living.”

How many days have I had like that?

How many more days will I have like that, even if I’m aware of the dichotomy?

How many more days will I have period?

What does it mean to really “live?” Or to “feel and be alive?”

These are eternal questions, I know.

But to know the question exists, is, I suspect, the first step towards the answer.