Living a more integrated life

I was asked what my 'word of the year' would be a few years ago, and I considered choosing 'balance,' but the idea felt unachievable. Balance, by definition, occurs when things are evenly distributed, correctly proportioned, or equal. But life is messy, and you can have a false sense of balance when looking at life in a segmented way. I needed to find a way to approach life as a whole rather than a balance of parts, so 'integrated' became my word.?

Deciding to live a more integrated life is a worthy aspiration but a challenging one to achieve. I started by looking at my schedule, and it became clear that most of my time and energy was spent reacting to the needs and priorities of others. Sometimes, my activities aligned with what I valued most, but I also compromised in a few areas because I often said "yes" without thinking about my capacity.?

The lack of whitespace on my calendar was overwhelming, and days were filled with back-to-back activities with little room to think or act. I was jumping from call to call, scrambling to capture notes I hoped would make sense when I tried to interpret them later. And at the end of the workday, I would tackle as many follow-up items as my exhausted brain could handle.?

By dinner time, I had nothing left to give. I would stumble through the evening routines like a zombie, listening to words and requests without genuinely connecting with my family. After my kids went to bed, I'd remember the unfinished work items and spend hours trying to catch up. And the days ahead would look the same.?

I operated this way for far too long, until I finally hit a breaking point. I realized that I needed to prioritize the people and experiences that were most important, which would require some significant shifts. I wasn’t ready to make drastic changes immediately, but here are two things I did to help make meaningful strides over time.

Defining values

Instead of brushing off an old list of values, I started fresh. I spent time determining core values that would help me live life with more purpose and guide decisions about where to invest my time and energy. I started with just five values to keep it simple: Faith, Connection, Growth, Service, and Creativity. To live in a more integrated way, I chose values that would be true regardless of the setting. This approach to values was especially good for me as a person who can be too career and outcomes-focused.

Using values as a filter for decision-making

I began to think about how to best serve others by applying my skills and experience and used this to decide which meetings to attend, delegate, or decline. I also knew I needed to build in time for growth, creativity, and collaboration to be at my best, so I blocked time alone and with others to prioritize what I needed. By shifting my approach, I gained healthier boundaries and better integration across all parts of my life. These changes were tough initially, but being transparent helped others I led and influenced begin to recognize and ask for what they needed too.?

Eventually, living a more integrated and values-based life influenced my move to the land of self-employment. And here, I start again. My calendar is filling up, and I need to keep using my values as a filter to make good decisions. For example, this week my boys brought home a flyer about their upcoming Mother-Son dance which occurs in the middle of the school day. This is something I wouldn’t have prioritized when I looked at my days in a more segmented way. But when I look through the lens of my values, the Mother-Son dance is the first thing I add to my schedule.?

It's still messy sometimes, but it comes together when I stay anchored to what's most important.?

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To explore more of my writing, visit?https://drsummermiller.substack.com/