Living with the Monks: What Turning Off my Phone Taught Me About Happiness, Grattitude, and Focus

I've been randomly following this guy for about a year now. Super successful, entrepreneur, creative, etc, focused on living life for a living. Constantly building what he calls his "life resume", he's certainly not your run-of-the-mill millionaire, married to billionaire wife, Sara Blakely (founder/creator of Spanx). If you follow him on IG you'll see everything from stories of running 100-mile marathons and climbing mountains, to jumping in random frozen streams while on holiday or renting an RV to quarantine his family across the country during Covid19. All in an attempt to fulfill the drive to build his life resume while accomplishing the goals he's set for his life: family, work, personal, and wellness.

Living with the monks was one of those "life resume" goals. The monks at New Skete are famous, but not for the reason you'd think. They are a small group in upstate New York who fund their monastery by breeding and training German Shepherds, and the lessons he learned (or lessons that were brought out in him as he forced himself to unplug) were numerous. Here are some of the key takeaways the author lays out that can be applied to both business AND life:

1. Don't Oversell: When you get the order, shut up and leave (applicable lesson when he first told his wife about his plan, and she agreed to let him do it)
2. If you lose your "gut feel" you lose one of your greatest secret weapons. In virtually all areas of life- instinct is critical.
3. Everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it.
4. One of the best ways to accomplish a goal is to have an accountability partner.
5. Once the storm is over, you won't remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You may not even be sure in fact, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm you won't be the same person who walked in.
6. Expectation often leads to disappointment. You've got to go into every situation looking to find what you did not expect. Maybe by looking for one thing you miss out on everything else.
7. You can't grow unless you take action.
8. The 3-hr rule: Carve some time out of each day to do the things you love to do. The time is cumulative. It can be going for a walk, watching tv, reading, whatever. But when you're in that time you don't feel guilty about what else you could/should be doing, because you know outside of this 3-hr block you're able to be 100% engaged.
9. We all have a bully that lives inside of our heads. He's our biggest enemy. He always rears himself at big moments and tries to talk us out of thigs. Why you shouldn't go for that run or why you should put work off until later or why you should wait to start that diet tomorrow. HE'S THE SINGLE GREATEST OBSTACLE TO SUCCESS.
10. As you get older, the game gets shorter. Your future is a huge canvas to paint on. The memories we create of our own accord are the paintbrushes, and life is the canvas. Many regretful people would give anything just to have that paintbrush back in their hands.
11. Enjoy every minute of the process. Very often the process is more valuable than the outcome. As you struggle in business, with goals, at work- it's hard to appreciate the journey. However, it is the journey that makes us feel most alive.
12. We only have two kinds of memories in our lives, ones that we can't control, and the ones that we create.
13. The power and temptations of the outside world are great. Train yourself from the distractions. They are the enemies of your goals. Learn to move past the distractions. Most of our goals get shattered because we don't block out the noise.
14. Every day is a lesson. The key is to listen.
15. When you talk you are only repeating what you already know. But when you listen you may learn something new.
16. Creativity- If nobody told you how to do your job, how would you do it?
17. When you realize that all things change, there is nothing you will try and hold on to.
18. 90% of the things we worry about never come to fruition.
19. Adversity is the great activator of spiritual awakenings.
20. When it is obvious that the goals cannot be reached, don't adjust the goals, adjust the action steps.
21. Sometimes we're just supposed to experience things; to allow them to happen naturally and be present for the moment.
22. An ounce of practice is worth more than tons of preaching.
23. Happiness is a lifestyle choice, not a goal.
24. Experience (or know-how) is overrated. It takes too long. Start the process and figure the rest out. If you wait too long someone else will beat you to the punch or that bully in your head will talk you out of pursuing your idea.
25. Breakthroughs happen when limiting thoughts and behaviors are challenged.
26. The gap between breakthroughs and being broken is so narrow that sometimes it's impossible to see.
27. Perspective is a beautiful thing; the key is to never let it go when you're holding on to it.
28. The fist big pitfall is to let others define what happiness is.
29. Don't quit when you're tired. Quit when you're done. Often the tired comes when your body is at 40% of its full capacity. You still have more to give.
30. REMEMBER TOMORROW- When you come to a point when you have to make a key decision, remember how that choice will make you feel tomorrow. When you want to quit...get uncomfortable. And remember tomorrow.
31. Regret can hurt just as much as physical pain and often lasts longer.
32. It's really simple- Decide that you WANT it more than you're AFRAID of it.
33. It's never too late to make the decision to live life on your terms and to do what you love.
34. Getting over the fear of failure or embarrassment is one of the most liberating gifts you can give yourself.
35. Most of us feel overwhelmed, usually with things of no real significance.
36. Time is going fast. Load your plate up with the things you love to do. You can't live linger, so live deeper.
37. If your "why" is big enough, the how usually emerges. A big why crushes small obstacles every time.
38. There's nothing so fatal to character as half-finished tasks.
39. When you're surrounded by greatness, pay attention and take notes.
40. Go where you think best. And spend more time there.
41. Monotask.
42. We can't always control the outcome, but we can ALWAYS control our effort.

I felt a conviction come on me after typing out my takeaways. I realized one of the things I've done over the past 40 years is withhold sharing my goals with anyone. Fear of disappointment. Failure. Stupidity. Unimportance(?) At least that way there's no accountability and the pressure is off whether I come through or not. And while sharing with you my goal to read one book per week this year was a positive step in the right direction, I've got a secret. I'm reading way more than one book per week right now. AND I've been banking my drafted articles in case I fall short a week or two at some point in the future; I can just go to the hopper and pull out one of my reserve drafts so no one would ever know that I missed a week...

But what good is all of this reading if not applied? So in telling you this, I'm applying #s 4, 6-10, 12-14, 18, 22, 24, 25, 27, 29-32, 34, 36-38, 41 and 42. So while I knock off the edges of the 6 or so drafts in my box, know that there is going to be a bit of an influx in articles over the next few days. Then after that, each article will represent what I'm doing WHEN I'm doing it. That way I'm accountable to following through each week for the next 45+ weeks. It's all a journey.

Til next time, keep an open mind, and keep exploring!

-Brad