Living Life on Your Terms Requires Risk

I took a risk the other day.?

Let me paint the backdrop. It’s summer. I have a 7-year old. So parents, what does that mean for us? Let’s say it together, CAMP! Any and every camp you can think of, we’re signing up for. This particular week happened to be at a tennis, golf, swim and health club. Which means the 8:30am hour is CHAOS! Empty-nesters going to their Pilates classes. Golfers getting in the early round to beat the heat. Swimmers lining up for swim-team practice.

Therefore, the parking lot is literally 10 minutes of frustration, craziness, and coordinated breathing exercises as you try to drop-off your sweet little one. Then, calm. And open parking spots. Yes, during those 10 minutes, there are NO parking spots. Parents are dropping off in red zones, basically throwing their kids out the window, blowing a kiss, and moving on to a few quiet hours of another day of summer camp.

Well, like I said, I took a risk. I was feeling relaxed and happy and not in a rush, meaning I didn’t want to park in a red zone and throw my kid out the window. I actually wanted to walk him down the path to the putting green, check-in, say hello, kiss him good-bye and then, get on with the few quiet hours of a day of camp. And how did I make that all happen? I parked in a reserved spot. Not like a handicap spot. I’m not a monster. But like, a spot reserved for a revered member of this country club. Yes, reserved like a big bronze plaque with the member's name and the year the spot was dedicated to them (it was just missing a red carpet). Now, I’ve been coming to this parking lot weekly for 7 years and have NEVER seen a car parked there, so.....I took the risk.

You are probably in one of two camps. Either you think I’m a giant, impatient, selfish jerk – how could I ever park in a RESERVED spot? The horror! Or, you’re thinking, meh, it’s for 10 minutes or less, you’d do the same.

So, I took the chance. I got the beautiful drop-off with my son. He’s happy. He feels secure. We wave goodbye with blue birds twirling round our heads. Okay, j/k. But it was nice.

Walking back to the “reserved spot” I see a dear friend, and we proceed to discuss the lemonade stand we hope our boys will embark on sometime in the next month.?

Then it happens as we reach my car, the potential consequence for this giant risk I’ve taken in parking in the RESERVED spot. The lady to whom the reserved spot belongs walks up to my car in her cool Pilates gear and is INCREDULOUS that another car occupies her space. And for the next 90 seconds a battle of the Karens ensues. To be clear, my first response was, “I’m so sorry, let me move my car for you.” But see, she really wasn’t interested in 1) me moving my car, 2) expressing my regret that I had inconvenienced her, 3) allowing a little grace for a mom trying to do her best in an overwhelmed state. Nope. She just wanted to shame me for having the audacity to risk inconveniencing the “owner” of this reserved spot.

And frankly, I wasn’t having it. See, she can think I’m audacious. She can think I’m a jerk. She can think I’m a, well starts with an F and a B and you can’t say it during primetime TV. So very calmly, I gave her the options of the situation, A) she could accept that I didn’t intend her harm, let me get in the car and leave B) she could stay to listen to the explanation of why I took the risk of parking in a reserved spot, then maybe we could do the Pilates lesson together C) she could insist on baiting me into a tit-for-tat argument at 8:43am.

And…..drum roll….she chose C. Sorry for her, she didn’t get the argument. When I pulled in 13 minutes earlier, I understood the potential consequences of my risk. I knew there was a remote chance the owner of the spot could actually show up and cause a problem. But more than that, I knew why I took that risk, what it meant to me, and what/who I would defend at all costs. So, no, I’m not arguing about your parking spot.?

There are a lot of injustices going on in the world the last couple years. Her parking spot being occupied for 13 minutes is not one of those injustices. When it was clear she had chosen door number 3, I gave her one last chance to redeem the situation and asked her if she wanted to proceed to have a good day or a bad day....by way of me taking time to write this article, you know what she chose. And off she stomped, calling me names, intent on ruining her own morning.

I moved my car (because the 10 minute morning chaos had ceased and there were plenty of open spots now) and I finished the conversation with my girlfriend about lemonade stands, holiday weekends and the merit of heat to increase/decrease sales.

What did I risk? I risked making this lady angry. I risked public awareness that I was the jerk who would take a reserved parking spot for 13 minutes. I risked the effect on my psyche of having an unwanted and unnecessary confrontation. I risked feeling?kinda?crappy that I had inconvenienced my fellow man.

Here’s what else I risked that didn’t end up happening. Being gruff with my son because we were 4 minutes later arriving than I had planned for. Getting angry with him for finishing that last scene of the Star Wars cartoon before he found his shoes. Parking in the red zone and having someone else yell at me for endangering life! Not getting to see the actual camp because I'd been gone on a business trip.

I took a risk. Now I needed to deal with the fall-out. Good and bad.?

It’s 3 weeks post-confrontation. I’m in the same parking lot, the one I’ve been in hundreds of times in 7 years. Reserved spot has lost its sign (see picture above)! And it dawns on me, perhaps the real enemy of the woman that day was her impending loss of status, importance, and connection. I was a very visible reminder of what was in her very near future.?

There is no way I could have known the long-term status of this parking spot....just like I can't know the long-term status of anyone's future. I can only make decisions based on the information I have, the direction I aim to go in life, with the values that I hold tightly, and understanding that sometimes there will be collateral damage while pursuing my dreams.

So, let me posit that we ought never flee from righteous risk or discomfort because of the ripple effect to someone else (at least not for this reason alone). We live in a dynamic world where nearly every action we take has some effect, tiny or rather impactful on those around us. But we must be willing to take harsh criticism, inconvenience our neighbors, and fight for our passions if we are to live a life of meaning and purpose. Not because we intend to be difficult, ornery, or obstinate – but rather because life is FULL of FRICTION that we must deal with. Luckily, this friction moves us, shapes us, sharpens us, challenges us, requires us to be all of who we are.

It doesn’t mean that we set out to be jerks. That we think me, me, me at every turn. But it does mean, that we must be willing to be uncomfortable at the expense of our fellow man. When we take what we think is a reasonable risk, then let us rise to the consequences and face them head on, with grace, understanding, fortitude, and courage.