Living Lessons from 6 Decades of Life

It has been an adventure over more than 6 decades. Life is not a problem to be solved; Life is an adventure to be experienced. It has not been a bed of roses, nor a string of breaks and blessings, nor a journey on the road full of signages warning of pot-holes, pitfalls and clear directions to destinations unknown. 

Growing up is a series of experiments;

Of wandering without purpose among strange people posing as relatives, family, friends and enemies disguised;

Of learning subjects and topics to discover later of their utter uselessness for effective living;

Of working in meaningless underpaid jobs to produce products and services which add little value to customers;

Of being misled and deceived by man-made beliefs, rituals and religions that make empty promises of a better life in the future worlds of some multiverse; and

Of navigating dense forests of natural forces and fake evangelists and advocates feeding notions of truths, half-truths, true lies and half-lies.

The learning, relearning and unlearning processes have continued especially through the later years of my life. After more than 6 decades, the following 6 life lessons are continuously reinforced in so many others such that they may be regarded as universal lessons.

1) Be Different from the Rest, Not Better Than the Best

Each one is born more different than we could ever imagined. Different shape, colour, anatomy, parents, circumstances, intellect, preferences, temper and tastes. And then some. The insane fear by so many of someone better than them has no foundation. Everyone is better that everyone else, for the simple reason that everyone is different from everyone else. You are the best yourself. There is none better than you being yourself. Only you can be yourself. We are obsessed in locating “the Best”; the most popular, most beautiful, the fastest, highest, smallest or the largest … etc. Why? Recognising and respecting diversity means highlighting your own strengths and unique characteristics, personality, skills or styles. Look into the mirror, ask: “who can do what you do in the best way that you do them?”. The answer is “Nobody”. Today, discover the strength of your talents.         

2) Family is Not about Blood Relations

We did not choose our parents or our siblings. So, neither did we choose our relatives or in-laws. When you have grown up in a loving environment of care, love and mutual concern, you would have been blessed by such positive emotions of compassion, sympathy and empathy to affect and infect those around you. Often, such qualities can also develop in the absence of conducive family values. It is very common that in-laws can quickly become out-laws, but they are not blood relations. Often too, others unrelated to us show more understanding, kindness, generosity and love than in-laws and blood relations. I like to think that “family” refers more to the circle of human beings, irrelevant as to whether related by blood, who reach out with timely hands of care and friendship to relieve our pain, suffering, inconvenience and discomfort. Be a “family” member to the vulnerable in society and all who are needy to grasp your hands of hope.          

3) Happiness is Found in Creating Happiness in Others

Everywhere, we see marketing efforts promising happiness and better self-esteem. Born as the most beautiful baby, we somehow began gradually to become imperfect, too dark, too fair, too short, too tall, too fat, too thin, nose not centralised between the ears, ears not on the same level, eyes not at the same level, too stupid, too slow and simply too wrong in everything … so that plentiful products and services are available to restore your original beauty! Have you ever wondered why, while borne an Original, so many are spending so much time and money to become imitations of some famous singers, actors, handsome persons, beauty queens or their movie idols? So many people spend much of their life looking for happiness; for someone to love, to be loved and to be accepted for what they truly are. Happiness is in fact found in the passion of living, in efforts to create joyful moments in a child or others, and in the resulting meaning, purpose and great satisfaction when creating happy moments and joyful events which bring out happy responses in others. You can have happiness now. Be happy by just giving.

4) Do Not be Stunted by Toxic Relationships

How many of you are surrounded by so-called friends, co-workers and relatives who only feel good by feeling better than you, by making you feel small, ugly, inadequate, stupid, unbeautiful and dim-witted? You feed their ego. They suck out your youthful zest and self-esteem so as to feel superior by pushing you down in the gutter. They do not enhance your sense of well-being, motivate your efforts or encourage you towards your fuller potential. So, why do you hang around them? Afraid of loneliness? Fear of making new, better friends? Wallowing in victimhood and addiction to their toxicity? You can be better, and happy. Just get rid of toxic relationships now, whoever they are.  

5) The Gods/gods Must be Useful to Your Lives

I remember some tribes in Mexico and elsewhere who dispersed and faded away when their divinely promised rains did not come to nourish their crops of life sustaining food. Their Gods/gods failed them, often after receiving the sacrifices of their most beautiful young virgin girls. Those who survived the ensuing famine finally left their villages in great hunger and faded into obscurity. The same delusion happens in these modern days, with so many continue to believe in the failed promises preached regularly by self-ordained high priests of fake man-made Gods/gods. Open yours eyes, people! Look around the world. The poorest and most vulnerable people are mostly also the most religious believers in man-mad religions. Most prayers simply do not work and were never answered – and these high priests knew! Any “abundant” life promised to believers of man-made religions is characterised by poverty, want, pain and disappointments.  They are lulled and deluded by their high priests, often using human psychology and the science of economic, to blame themselves for their conditions. They blind their believers to the obvious and glaring abundance enjoyed by themselves, unbelievers as well as others who are less righteous and criminals, and the gullible, na?ve mass of believers accept their fate to be vastly poorer and hungrier believers to value instead some divine promise that they would finally inherit the kingdom of God.  Indeed, the poor believers have inherited the trash, sand, mud, wastelands and deserts, while every resource, food and built infrastructures are owned and controlled by the powerful others. The current covid-19 pandemic has emptied out churches, temples, mosques and other places of worships, driving believers from their non-existent Gods/gods in their supposed divine but man-made dwellings! Be not confused, wake up. Get ride of your man-made Gods/gods who failed to answer their simple “divine” promise to “be given what you asked”. Believe in yourself.     

6) Love is the Only Truth and Reality

Only love is real. It is the only reality. This positive passion towards your fellow human beings, other creatures and the environment is perhaps the only nurturing value sensation for wholesome human development. Many would remember the safe embrace of your mother moments after birth and while being nourished and nurtured by her milk. We yearn to return to those moments. True, we can only be hurt by those we love, but we can always be healed, emboldened and empowered by those who also love us to do anything that impact them with joy and happiness. The common experience of many is one of waiting and struggling with a pervading sense of futility in the face of receding from the reach of happiness as one progress in years. The skeptics shouted, “It’s not even possible to talk about the Truth”. The frustration of finding Truth is the integral part of his painful anguish in the loneliness of the man seeking Love.  The anguish of loneliness lies in one’s persistence in a meaningless world without any significant others to love and share his Life. Feelings of love are universal and the only reality. Our only reality has been with those whom you love and who love us.

The learning, relearning and unlearning shall continue for as long as I live through this decade and beyond.