Living and Leading in Ambiguity

The last several months have afforded me more of an opportunity to step away from day-to-day work and reflect and consider new approaches. One theme, in particular, has stuck with me:

Living in ambiguity

Ambiguity, to me, seems like a more neutral way of describing the current uncertain and unclear times we are living in. There are still many pandemic-related variables that have an impact on the present and our future. I have found myself stuck making decisions in ambiguity, more so personally than at work.

Living in the U.S. has worked for me and my family on the basis that, should something happen with family or friends back in the U.K. or our home country, Holland, we can easily jump on a plane and be back in a reasonable amount of time. The US travel ban, however, has made that relative convenience unlikely for the past 18 months.

The travel ban was especially hard for my husband, Henk, because he has been unable to be there for his elderly parents. We debated whether he should apply for an exception to the travel ban, or, find another way. We waited in ambiguity for most of the summer hoping the travel ban would be lifted. Ultimately, we made the decision for Henk to go and be there for his parents. It was unclear how he would return because of the travel ban, but we were exploring all options. The most important thing is that he is exactly where he needs to be – with his parents. I’m sure many of you have made choices over the past few months, just as my family did, and have been unsure of how everything would pan out. That the US travel ban will soon be lifted is a ray of light, though it introduces another layer of ambiguity in how Henk and I balance time and responsibilities between continents and families in the interim.

This decision was a turning point for me. I realized I can’t wait and hope for ‘normality’ to return, instead, I have to live more in the ‘here and now’ – and that has helped to expand my tolerance for ambiguity. Leading in ambiguity has given me some tools for thinking through decisions during times like this. It has also reassured me that I can experiment with viable solutions, even if they’re clumsy, and adapt quickly through feedback and empathy.

While Henk is away in Holland, I have a few months of solo parenting in store. I am enjoying my time with the kids, including having got them ready for the start of school, and I’m happy knowing that Henk can be with his family during this time.

How this has also affected me is the second part of this idea:

Leading in ambiguity

I often draw on my personal life experience when I need to make decisions at work. For instance, the ambiguity has impacted my and my family’s mental wellbeing and I noticed each of us at home was dealing with it and showing it in different ways. It made me realize that at work with my colleagues and team members it is likely to be no different. It remains really important to listen well and acknowledge that we all have a story with the pandemic that impacts us in one way or another. And then give each other space and empathy to process, adjust and experiment with solutions both at home and at work. The pandemic fallout is long lasting and, as such, being in tune with our co-worker’s mental state and the impact it may have on how we show up at work becomes more paramount.

The coming months will give me more opportunities to flex my living and leading in ambiguity muscles, more so now that I am on double duty. Whatever lies ahead, waiting for ‘normality’ to return has become an exercise in futility. Embracing ambiguity can actually give me some clarity in how I go about my personal life as well as leading an analytical staff of 320 people in preparing for a very much evolving ‘new normal’.