Living the AND

I've realized that some of the most dramatic periods of growth come wrapped up in some very difficult decisions. Decisions so hard because of competing tensions at play. And the chasm between those tensions seems so great. How I bridge this chasm is the determinant of how much I grow.

Previously in this column, I announced the formal launch of Conjunction Leadership and some of the tensions I felt as 2020 unfolded. Those tensions led to the personal discovery of the power of choosing AND over  OR. When I placed an AND between these tensions, I was able to bridge to new solutions and ultimately new growth. When I opted for OR, I resigned to a path of less significance and stagnation.

In October 2020, my role was reallocated and scooped up in a massive restructure. I feared that my career would be stalled in the midst of this pandemic. I was on emotional overload. Frustration - yet optimism. Sadness - yet joy. Loss - yet gain. Having these emotions coexist allowed me to realize the power of the AND.

In November, I gave myself a birthday gift. I went on a solo-retreat. I hunkered down in a cabin in the woods. Surrounded by only nature. Armed with flip charts, markers, some journal prompts and a lot of wholesome food, I set out to listen to what this last year had taught me. No TV. No distractions. Just me and my thoughts. It was on a walk in the woods where I was pounding out my frustrations when enlightenment set in. The power of the AND had become such a massive reframe that it was allowing the barnacles in my life to break free so that I could step into my future. At that moment thoughts started flooding in. Armed with my voice recorder app, I started to fill the bytes with ideas and beliefs. A business and a mission was formed. I returned to the cabin and began writing. The heat building in my soul, I ideated about what change I wanted to see in the world and how I could best serve leaders and organizations unleash the power of the AND in their lives and teams.

For the next month, I was fully dedicated to building the business model as well as readjusting our family budget to live on an entrepreneur's ideas and not on a corporate salary. The more I planned, the more excited I got. The more excited I got, the more I shared my excitement with others.

Then I got a call. Not about my fledgling business, but about a job. A company was calling wanting to know if I could help lead a newly formed coaching organization to enable corporate-wide transformation. Intrigued, I listened. Skeptical, I questioned. In my career I had worked with many leaders who have big transformative ideas, but the established business processes shot their ideas in the foot every time. Too much focus on performance management. A faulty "rating" system that demotivates 2/3 of the population while it rewards only a few. Talent management processes that identify talent early in career only to be blinded to mid-career talent that hires in too late to be noticed. These were the “sacred cows” I had fought to kill my entire career. Did this employer have the fortitude to change those things? I doubted, but still I questioned and listened. Half-heartedly expecting that they wouldn't have substantive answers to my questions, I resolved to ask deeper questions. But no matter how deeply I probed, this employer had already begun the difficult work of disassembling the hierarchy and the systemic issues that could negate their strategic efforts. This truly appeared to be the rudiments of the culture I'd been toiling to create in my work.

My questions must have not been damaging as In December, I received an offer. Still resolute about bringing Conjunction Leadership to the marketplace and creating my space in this world, I was ready to decline the offer. But before communicating back to the recruiter, I called a few trusted coaching friends. (When you're a coach, having friends who are also coaches is one of the best benefits... we all need a coach. Even coaches. But that's another entry in the journal for another day.) These friends poured wisdom and encouragement into me thereby igniting new possibilities. But it was a conversation with my best coach - my wife- who rattled me by the chains. "I've been listening and learning all about the power of the AND. I've become excited about replacing the OR in many of my own areas of life," she said. "You're the guy who wants others to realize the power of the AND, so this makes me wonder if this is a chance for you to live that AND in your own life. Rather than entrepreneur OR employee, can it be entrepreneur AND employee?" With that powerful question, new possibilities truly emerged for me. The two could exist together. And I had to figure out how.

With full transparency, I shared my beliefs and my ambitions with this prospective employer and was given approval that my work with Conjunction Leadership would not be in conflict with their objectives. So I accepted their offer and purposed to live the AND by building their culture and bringing Conjunction Leadership and the AND mindset to reality.

"The days are long but the years are short." This was a quote my wife would utter when we were in the early days of parenting. I also think this quote is applicable now. There are some days I wonder how I can get it all done. But then I step back and realize that if I wasn't passionate about the work I do, there would be no urgency and no fire. So the sense of urgency I feel to help leaders discover their AND and to navigate the choppy waters in these days - both for my employer and for my clients - is what propels me. Day in and day out, I see people burning out. And I can empathize with them. They've chosen OR far too many times in the tensions they feel - I was there once myself. But because of the power of the AND a whole new set of possibilities exist as a result.