Living a Good Life: Lessons from Dying

What can death teach us about what it means to live a rich and purposeful?life? Recently, I encountered a striking comment in my Uncle Phil's obituary: "I wish I could live such a fulfilling life." This remark resonated deeply, especially for those who knew him well. To the outside world, Uncle Phil might have seemed like just another quirky hermit on a hill—introverted and opinionated. Yet, his life was extraordinary, intentional, and impactful, leaving an indelible mark on those who knew him.

So, how did Uncle Phil achieve a life that even strangers celebrated? More importantly, what lessons can we draw from his journey to actively cultivate a good and meaningful life for ourselves?

Know What Matters

Know what matters, then do that.? So simple, yet shockingly hard. Uncle Phil was unwavering in his values and principles, which guided every choice he made. For him, living simply and authentically was paramount. He famously refused to own a clothes dryer, insisting instead that you just need to plan ahead. Despite his simplicity, he was ahead of his time; he proudly had a CD player long before it became mainstream, all because of his deep love for music.

Embrace Simplicity

Phil’s life exemplified simplicity. His wardrobe consisted of just a single suit, which he wore for over sixty years. While creating a photo book, I was reminded of how little he needed. Each Christmas, my children grew and changed, yet Uncle Phil was easily recognizable in the same holiday sweater. He often remarked, “Who needs that $hit?” as he sifted through toys with my kids, embodying a life unburdened by distractions.

Focus on Impact

Phil’s list of priorities was straightforward: he was pro-choice, passionate about the environment, and dedicated to education. His home reflected this simplicity, often cluttered with chainsaw oil, fortune cookies, and rusty tools—each a testament to his eclectic interests. Yet, he always maintained focus on what truly mattered, and remarkably, he usually knew where the essential things were.

Leave a Legacy of Feelings

If legacy is defined not by what we leave behind but by the feelings we instill in others, Phil was a master. He was a unifying presence, treating everyone as equals and meeting them where they were. His ability to avoid offense and harbor no grudges made him an exceptional observer of life, fostering connections that lingered long after he was gone.

Reconnect with Nature

Phil cherished nature and actively sought to preserve it. He left behind a sprawling homestead in central New Hampshire, a 900-acre sanctuary for people to experience the great outdoors. His life was a reminder to celebrate and protect the natural world without distraction.

Let Actions Speak

At 83, he was indignant when I attempted to "disinvite" him from my husband’s surprise 50th birthday party due to COVID-19 concerns. His fierce determination was evident; he was equally passionate about campaigning during the pandemic. This passion underscored his commitment to living fully, even in the face of adversity.

Live Without Regret

Phil's intentionality was a blessing to witness. His clear values manifested in the outcomes of his life, which contributed to a peaceful and bucolic death. While I deeply mourn the loss of my uncle, I also find solace in knowing that we shared few regrets. Learning to be present with grief becomes easier when we can navigate it without remorse.

In embracing the lessons of Uncle Phil's life, we are reminded that clarity, simplicity, impact, legacy, connection to nature, actionable values, and a life lived without regret can guide us toward our own good lives. Through these reflections, we learn that the essence of a fulfilling life may very well be rooted in our relationship with death.

Dr. Camille Preston

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