Living in Fear? It's okay.

Of all the pithy business advice I've read over the years, the one that comes to my mind most frequently is "What would you do if you weren't afraid," promoted by Sheryl Sandberg. It's a tough question for C-Suite Leaders --- leaders who might be quickly running out of money while trying to raise the latest round, leaders who have to fire an long-time friend that's not right for the business, leaders who fear for their own job as friends and colleagues are frequently fired. Being a top leader is a job fraught with fear of mistakes, fear of loosing money, fear of losing respect, fear of making hard choices. Tenure is a mark of ENDURANCE as much as it is a mark of success.

The current stock market implosion in tech makes my tendency toward fear even worse.

I've spent a long time fighting my fear - trying to suppress it. Being told I "worry too much." Resenting my fear. Trying not to have it like Sheryl suggests. And like pretty much every riddle I try to solve, I come back to this:

Some fear is good. Too much is bad. Very Yoda of me.

Some of my fear is bad. It makes me a slower decision maker. It sometimes makes me sound a more negative than I actually feel. Too much fear, adrenaline and cortisol is physically bad for my body. Sometimes fear clouds my judgement and keeps me from considering the full range of possible futures. It's easy to KNOW that living in fear is not your most effective self. I've struggled with "how the heck do I get past it?"

And partially, I think it's in recognizing that some of my fear is good too. It protects me. It keeps me on my toes. It keeps me planning, preparing, double-checking. It's driven me to a successful career and a helpful emergency fund. Today I want to thank my fear too - not just dismiss it.

I'm on a long journey. A multi-generational journey. I was raised in a lineage deeply scarred by the Great Depression. I was raised by two lawyers trained to imagine every bad outcome to define proper contract terms.

I've read tons of psychology over the last few years, and it all seems to agree -- one needs to learn to feel the fear (and anger/sadness etc), to let it feel heard, to let it play out, to honor it. Only then can it pass and you can live beyond it -- returning to a more logical mindset to choose the best next action.

All my years of stuffing it down, running away from it, ignoring it, dismissing it, feeling ashamed of it didn't make it go away. I could feel it raging under the suppression.

Hank Taylor recently told me his observation of being successful in a hypergrowth company "You can't look forward to the calm after the storm. There is no calm after the storm. You have to learn to live in the storm." I've realized that I can only do that if I accept my fear, thank it for its warning, and accept it as part of the journey.

At Latane Conant's 6 Sense conference last year I was exposed to Pascal Finette's futurism presentation which included a range of possible futures map. My fear helps me imagine some of the possible futures. I've found I need to let it feel heard. Then I can discuss with it the other possible futures to help us decide on our plan of action and next steps.

“Between stimulus and response there is a space.?In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” ~ Victor Frankl