Living with the End in Mind

I still remember the day so clearly.

I was sleeping and heard someone come into the room. As I looked over, I was startled to see my youngest sister bent down almost face to face with me, as she whispered, "Conny, wake up. It's about Uncle Tony. He was killed during a robbery. Mom got the call really early this morning."

Still trying to wake up and not really comprehending, I sat up.

The rest of the day is a blur and yet somewhat clear. I sat at the beach for hours watching the waves roll in and out, crying, grieving, and asking why.

I didn't realize it until very recently but this was the turning point of my faith too. We were raised Christian with Buddhist traditions, I think something within me shifted that day as the question in my mind was, "how did this happen?" I consider myself to be more spiritual than religious now and have ever since that day.

This wasn't the first tragedy like this in my family.

I feel like I knew death all too well as a young child and adolescent, having lost both grandmothers (one of them being one of my biggest attachment figures), three uncles, and family friends before I hit 20.

It felt like a constant reminder that we aren't guaranteed tomorrow.

Many of us don't like to think about our death.

Yet it's one of the guarantees of life.

We tend to spend a lot of time running and fearing death and forget to live life in the process.

I've kept all of those loved ones close to my heart, thinking about them often, and hoping they are at peace.

But I think what really engrained in me was that I live my life knowing we aren't promised another day.

Some call this morbid. And I've had friends and coaches try to reframe this and shift my focus. But it still holds true. Knowing we aren't promised tomorrow can move us to live more fully in the moment.

How often do you say that you will do that thing you have been dreaming of "someday"? Let that "someday" be now.

Live fully in the moment. It's the only one you're guaranteed.