Living the Dream

How many times have you asked a colleague or friend “How are you doing?” and received the response “Living the dream.”? I’ve come to really abhor that cliche. 

 “Most of us are “living the dream”—living, that is, the dream we once had for ourselves. We might be married to the person we once dreamed of marrying, have the children and job we once dreamed of having, and own the car we once dreamed of buying. But thanks to hedonic adaptation, as soon as we find ourselves living the life of our dreams, we start taking that life for granted. Instead of spending our days enjoying our good fortune, we spend them forming and pursuing new, grander dreams for ourselves. As a result, we are never satisfied with our life.” - William B. Irvine 

I’m just your “Average Joe”, at work for now 37 years. I suppose I get to now call it a career and with all sincerity can say I am living my dream. Actually, I'm several dream iterations past my initial dream. After walking into a factory in my home town at age 18 as an entry level hourly employee, I had dreams of so many things most all of us want out of life. I worked hard at whatever work was set before me and even harder at learning. When opportunities arose, I did my best not to squander them. Like many of you, I’ve had a love/hate relationship with the challenges that inherently come with a promise of opportunity. The lessons of experience sometimes leave a mark. And yet, we drive forward in puruit of the next chapter of our dream. The question so many working people ask is “Am I happy, satisfied, with having already achieved what I once dreamed of achieving?” It seems to me that satisfaction in whatever my circumstances is the ultimate dream. 

In “A Guide to the Good Life The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy”, William B. Irvine observes that “We humans are unhappy in large part because we are insatiable; after working hard to get what we want, we routinely lose interest in the object of our desire. Rather than feeling satisfied, we feel a bit bored, and in response to this boredom, we go on to form new, even grander desires.”

“We might once have dreamed of getting a certain job. We might consequently have worked hard in college and maybe graduate school as well to get on the proper career path, and on that path, we might have spent years making slow but steady progress toward our career goal. On finally landing the job of our dreams, we will be delighted, but before long we are likely to grow dissatisfied. We will grumble about our pay, our coworkers, and the failure of our boss to recognize our talents.”

“As a result of the adaptation process, people find themselves on a satisfaction treadmill. They are unhappy when they detect an unfulfilled desire within them. They work hard to fulfill this desire, in the belief that on fulfilling it, they will gain satisfaction. The problem, though, is that once they fulfill a desire for something, they adapt to its presence in their life and as a result stop desiring it—or at any rate, don’t find it as desirable as they once did. They end up just as dissatisfied as they were before fulfilling the desire.”

I confess to being a “Type A” personality. I’m highly driven and I don’t mean that in a boastful way. I can’t seem to turn it off even when I try. I’ve found myself on that “satisfaction treadmill” quite often throughout my life, but over the course of time, maturity has it’s way and contentment finds a way to coexist with passion and drive. 

I haven’t stopped raising the bar for higher learning and individual performance, but I have begun to take steps to prevent myself from taking for granted the things I’ve worked so hard to get. 

As you reflect in anticipation of the coming new year, don’t give up the fight, but beware the “satisfaction treadmill” and may you find some joy in the dream you are now living.