Living Between the Lines: A Reminder

I have a small “level” atop my computer monitor to remind me of the importance of balance in my life. I look at it every day as a reminder to think about balance. And yet….

I am blessed to make a living doing what I love – helping young adults between the ages of 15-29 achieve their objectives and goals, live balanced lives, and reach their full potential. Whether striving to earn Ivy+ college admissions, find their perfect undergraduate "fit and get," prepare for NCAA or professional athletics, thrive in academics or the workplace, or transition out of commissioned military service to an M7 MBA or T14 Law program, we focus on process over results and, in doing so, realize outstanding accomplishments more often than not.

But – at what cost?

My clients work hard. Though they often need help organizing their thoughts and lives, identifying their objectives and goals, and establishing and staying on course, they work hard. They may not know exactly what they want when we start working together but a vast majority have a pretty good idea. Despite conventional wisdom and the latest memes circulating on social media, they are gritty – in the sense that grit equals passion, talent, and persistence. They know how to overcome challenges and aren’t scared to confront their weaknesses.

Above all, as many critics have noted but from a misguided perspective, they loathe being told no. “No” hurts them more than in previous generations. And there’s a reason.

I have dozens of examples of outstanding young adults with GPAs above 4.0, a class rank in the single digits, and SAT scores in excess of 1500 being rejected from their in-state flagship university’s engineering, science, and business degree programs. These young adults have done everything asked of them and more. Multiple clubs – check. Leadership – check. Competitive college summer academic programs – check. Varsity athletics (or band) – check. Superlative grades and scores – check. Strong moral values and work ethic – double check.

Often (and I mean most of the time) it’s not enough. I’m not talking about Harvard, Yale, Johns Hopkins and Vanderbilt denying these applicants. Increasingly more often, I’m talking the University of Texas, University of Georgia, University of Michigan – to say nothing of Georgia Tech, UVA, and UNC. Of course, state legislatures play a significant role in this phenomenon, severely restricting out of state acceptances (while, somehow, actively courting international applicants who pay a premium).

This was not the case when my clients’ parents (or even some of their older siblings) applied for college. It’s not even close. In fact, there is absolutely no comparison or context between access to public higher education today and 5, 10, 20, and 30 years ago. (And this doesn’t even begin to address the admissions processes of top-tier private colleges.)

Indeed, the pressures and requirements of earning admission even to a flagship state university today mirrors those associated with elite-level universities just a decade ago.

My clients understand these playing conditions. So – they work hard.

Too hard.

They go to 5:30am athletics, attend school until 3:30, participate in extracurriculars, afternoon athletics, or work a part-time job. They are active in the National Charity League, Young Men’s Service League and volunteer dozens of hours a year in their local community. They compete in state, regional, and national academic and athletic competitions. They go to tutors (or coding camp) after school. Then they do homework and study. With practically no “white space” on their calendars, they slide between the sheets right around midnight.

Sure, most of my clients enjoy their activities; in fact, I insist upon it. We don’t actively try to “build” an impressive resume but, of course, that’s in the back of everyone’s mind.? Throughout the process, I'm there to remind them about life balance - ensuring they balance and assess their sleep, achievement, fun, and exercise.

But I’m not practicing what I preach.

As a coach/consultant, I average about 35 hours per week in session with young adult and corporate/institutional clients with large Gen Z teammate populations. My preparation for each session averages between 20 – 30 minutes, as I script our sessions, review notes, and prepare a framework summary to complete during and after the session itself. In total, I average about 43 hours of active client engagement per week. Administrative, business management, and client development tasks add another 5 hours or so and continuing research, professional development, and reading add another 5.

I worked over 53 hours/week for 38 of the past year’s 52 weeks. My heaviest week of the year rang in at 62 hours. I’m not setting an example of balance.

I have hundreds of excuses. I care about my clients. I’m always available to them. I have to be available when they’re available so I work evenings and weekends. Parents are concerned, so I make time to talk to a handful every week. I have to stay conversant with Gen Z sociological, psychological, and academic developments and current undergraduate, graduate, MBA, law school, and medical school admissions trends.

Like my clients, I have tons of “reasons” for my imbalance.

I teach my young adult teammates to plan, prepare, achieve, reflect, and respond – not react. Week in and week out, try as I might, no matter how much I think about (or reflect upon) balance, I don’t achieve it. And, trust me, I’m a master of organization and time, energy, and task management.

We need balance. The question is – how do we achieve it? I’m committed to my “level” this year – and encouraging my clients to find their own. It’s vitally important.

How about you?

Thoughts?