Living Authentically

People who live authentically tend to experience more positive emotions live more productive and meaningful lives, and ultimately longer lives. 

As human beings, we crave acceptance in all circumstances. This human trait causes us to don a special suit to survive in conditions we find counterintuitive to our nature, much like astronauts rely on a spacesuit to survive the desolation of space. 

Wearing a different spacesuit for every occasion is not only draining but robs your fellow human beings from connecting with the authentic person inside. 

How do you find the authentic person under the spacesuit?

To find the authentic you, you need to know yourself intimately.  Self-reflection is probably the most challenging task any human being can undertake. As a means of survival, we have evolved to understand and relate to others and not ourselves. 

The first step is to unearth your authentic values. Not the values you believe to be virtuous from a tick list but the values deep inside your core. What do you think to be meaningful and valuable in your life? For this task, you need to do some emotional time travel. Cast your mind back to a time where you experienced lots of positive emotions. What was happening in your life at that time? Whom did you have meaningful relationships with that fed your soul? Link those experiences back to a value you hold dear. It might be progression, achievement, intimacy, serving others, consistency or dedication. Repeat the exercise a few times to create a core value statement that is true to you. Knowing what your values are not is just as important as knowing what they are. Repeat the exercise but concentrate on negative emotions. 

The second step is to be aware of your mental models, beliefs and possible biases that you hold. 

"Mental models are deeply held internal images of how the world works, images that limit us to familiar ways of thinking and acting. We are often not consciously aware of our mental models or the effects they have on our behaviour" Peter Senge.

If we're not aware of our mental models, we can end up making assumptions and reaching conclusions about ourselves, others and situations that are a million miles from the truth. For example, if we interpret an employee's story through our mental models, we are likely to judge them or advise them. We do the same with mental models about ourselves. Putting our own beliefs aside means choosing to put a stop to our thoughts and opinions, start recognising our assumptions and prejudices and take responsibility for dismissing these when they arise. Laying our mental models aside is paramount for living an authentic life true to who you are as a human being. 

The third step is to understand your unique personality traits. 

Much of what constitutes success in life is the consequence of finding the place in relationships, work and personal commitment that corresponds to one's unique personality structure. 

At a theoretical level, psychologists have been studying personality traits for more than 100 years. Although many models exist out there, there is now agreement that the Five-Factor Model (FFM) represents the best structure for human personality. It is also the easiest to assess from a layman's point of view without running expensive and time-consuming assessment tests. 

The model is often referred to as the 'Big Five', or OCEAN, and encompasses a set of five dimensions: 

• Openness to Experience, 
• Conscientiousness, 
• Extraversion, 
• Agreeableness and 
• Neuroticism.

Beneath the five dimensions are groups of traits. A person who scores highly on a dimension is more likely to score highly on most traits in that dimension, but not necessarily all of them (Crede, Harms, Blacksmith & Wood, 2016).

The following traits are often associated with the five dimensions:

Openness to Experience: Playful, curious, imaginative, creative, open-minded, seeks novelty, forward-looking/ visionary. 

Conscientiousness: Orderly, committed, confident (sense of mastery), achievement-oriented, reliable, self-disciplined. 

Extraversion: Active, energetic, thrill-seeking, enthusiastic, assertive, interactive, friendly. 

Agreeableness: Accommodating, loyal/trusting, compassionate, selfless, steady, cooperative, forgiving/tolerant. 

Emotional Stability: Calm, even-tempered, cheerful, resilient/robust, deliberate, easygoing, regulated.

For more in-depth information on the five-factor model, consult The Oxford Handbook of the Five-Factor Model - Thomas A. Widiger · 2017

Put it all together to live an authentic and meaningful life. 

Values, mental models, and personality creates your unique niche that drives your behaviour and even your image. As a human being, you shouldn't be faking it under any circumstance. If you don't feel comfortable in an environment that doesn't fit your niche, accept it and remove yourself, don't don a heavy, uncomfortable spacesuit. You will die a little inside every day. 

I'm just me whether we meet in the gym, mountain bike trail, boardroom, or social media. You will meet the same super-extroverted, creative thinking, tattoed hooligan every time. I might not be your cup of tea, but I know I'm somebody's Kentucky Straight Bourbon, and I'm okay with that.

The Thought Anarchist