Living with anxiety

I had my first anxiety attack at 28.

I'm almost 32 now but I'm still traumatized by the experience. The thoughts that ran through my mind were paralyzing and relentless: Am I dying? Am I mentally ill? What is real? I genuinely believed I was going insane. The strange thing about it is that I had already lost my dad at 18 and my mom at 25, and had successfully managed to "overcome" both deaths. Why was this happening years later? The more I reflect, the more I realize that I've always had some form of anxiety. It might not have manifested as racing thoughts or existential moments, but the impending sense of doom and unshakeable fear have always been a part of my life in some way or another.

Trying to "beat" anxiety for the past three years has been an eye-opening journey in itself. Some tips are obvious: exercise daily, attend therapy regularly, and start medication (if it all becomes too much). I'm an avid believer in all three, but I've also cultivated some other habits that have helped me a great deal. Here's hoping some (if not all of the below) will help you through your darkest times.

Tip #1: Stay aware

It sounds simple. It's not. It's taken me three years of practice to be able to sustain a state of awareness. What is awareness? I define it as a state of consciousness in which you are totally aware that you are not your mind and you are watching it instead. It's very trippy stuff, and I kind of wish they taught us how to be aware at an early age in school. It takes practice after all, and I feel like I've stumbled onto a centuries-old technique that the spiritually enlightened have always known.

So what's my method for staying aware? I have a reminder on my phone every hour with the words Stay aware. When I receive this alert, I basically tell myself a variation of the below monologue:

"I am aware that I am aware. I do not engage the mind. I detach from it and I watch it. I watch the thoughts passing by. I am not my thoughts. I laugh at it and amuse myself by watching the next crazy thought that pops up. Notice how silly thoughts come and go and affect your heart rate. It's ridiculous. It’s a show, enjoy it. I am just a watcher."

It's Inception-level stuff. But it works because it trains you not to get caught up in your mind's endless thoughts. You can not win. You can never stop the mind from thinking. What you can do is watch it, and detach from it. The key to defeating anxiety is a constant state of awareness, or how much of it you can sustain before defaulting back to autopilot. Don't allow your mind to run away with you. Reminders on your phone help. It's a constant effort, but so very worth it.

Tip #2: Do Headspace

Never has an app proven to be so beneficial to my overall health. I started doing Headspace exactly one year ago; it's life-changing. The app is all about guided meditation and it will undoubtedly bring positive change into your life by training you to watch thoughts instead of getting caught up in them (which ties in nicely with my first tip). There are a variety of courses and themes to choose from, but I just go with Everyday Headspace which is a 10-minute meditation that requires no effort and just asks you to be present. I stopped Headspace for many months last year and I wish I didn't. I've noticed that I suffer from the least amount of anxiety when I'm committed to the app on a daily basis.

Tip #3: Read The Untethered Soul

I never thought a book could relieve my anxiety, but that's exactly what The Untethered Soul (by Michael A. Singer) does every time I pick it up in my time of need. The book urges you to "stay aware" (back to tip #1) and tells you of the voice living in your mind that never shuts up. Again, it really flips everything you've ever known about your mind and forces you to adopt a new perspective. It's not a book you read once and put aside. You need to keep re-reading it when in crisis to keep reminding yourself of the tools that prevent you from going into autopilot yet again. Some days the book can be triggering, but that's how you know how valuable it is.

Bonus: The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. Again, don't read it once. Pick it up and flip to a random chapter any time you're feeling anxious. Reading both books makes for a powerful combo.

Tip #4: Talk about anxiety but don't label it

Remember that you're not alone. Sometimes the worst thing about anxiety is that you feel so isolated. It is in fact extremely common; almost everyone around you has it. All you have to do is talk about it. And the more you talk about it, the less stigma and power it has. One of the worst things about anxiety is trying to hide it when you're out with friends or surrounded by colleagues at work. The effort to hide it actually amplifies it and induces even more panic. When you point it out and shed light on it, its power dissipates. While you're at it, try not to label it as anxiety when you talk about it. After all, do you go about telling people that you feel happiness or sadness? Anxiety is just another feeling and shouldn't be treated any differently. Labelling it as the big bad wolf just makes you fear it more. There's nothing to be scared of. Instead of saying "I'm having anxiety", I prefer to say "I'm having an anxious moment." Why? Because moments pass.

Tip #5: Establish healthy habits that ground you

Certain rituals ground me. Every day when I leave work and walk to the metro, I call my brother and my aunt for a catch-up. Not having family around me in Dubai is tough, but I'm working through it with habits like this one. I also work through it by scheduling events that make me feel good: a date night with my wife every week where ordering in is not an option, a weekly movie night with friends, several workouts that I never skip etc.. Find the events that excite you, and pack them into your week. When you're suffering through anxious moments, the highs of connecting with your loved ones are even greater.

Here's another healthy habit that grounds me and which I urge you to try: my phone is never within arm's length of my bed. There's nothing more toxic to the mind than browsing social media first thing in the morning or right before dozing off. In fact, try to limit your usage of social media in general; it adds absolutely nothing to your life.

Were these helpful to you? Tell me how you cope with anxiety.

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