"Living with an alcoholic" By Sophie Musgrove ??

When Patrick went to Rehab in 2019, I had to write him a letter about how his addiction had impacted on me.

I met Pat in our college days when I was 16, he chatted me up the old-fashioned way and we instantly connected. He was very funny and we had a laugh.

We went our separate ways as you do at that age but always stayed in touch before getting together years later.

When Patrick was sober, he was such good fun, a great Dad to our children, a good laugh, always making witty comments and treating the children and I to lovely holidays, days out and presents.

Patrick wasn't just my other half, he was my best friend and partner in crime.

I used to love going out to the pubs and around town with him as he'd be up singing on the karaoke, dancing away and fun to be around.

The start of the night was always fun, but I could see him change as the night progressed to the point he wanted to order cocaine. He didn't know when to stop and over the years this got worse.

This used to cause problems and because he didn't like doing it around the house, he began to disappear for days, cancelling plans and letting us down.

Between 2017 and 2019, when he came back from a period in Barcelona, I watched his health deteriorate before my eyes but didn't want to admit how bad the problem was or what it was doing to his body.

It was sad to watch him as he reached a point where he just didn't look happy drinking anymore as he couldn't stop. We reached a point where he'd be avoiding me because he had gone missing and didn't want to face reality.

We reached a point where I couldn't rely on him emotionally and I felt alone as he would be there one minute and not the next. ??

I would go to work on a Saturday morning and come back to empty bottles of vodka, empty cans and bottles in the fridge, with Pat in the same position he'd been in when I left 8-9 hours earlier in bed with a plate of coke because the kids weren't there.

It impacted on my career because I couldn't concentrate at work, I'd be constantly ringing to check on him, worried about what I'd hear or the state I'd find him in on my return.

I didn't like him coming to family events that involved any form of alcohol, as I feared that people would judge him for his behaviour. He would drink at levels I've never seen and be totally unpredictable.

The scariest part though was worrying that I'd get the dreaded phone call or knock at the door from the police telling me that someone had hurt him or he'd done something stupid when he was blacked out drunk or on a comedown.

Four years ago, Patrick broke down one morning and said he couldn't do it anymore. I wanted to believe him but I'd heard it many times before.

Four years on, he has completely transformed his life and the relief for the whole family has been the best thing ever.

If you or a family member are ever struggling, reach out and talk to someone. ??