Living abroad: some tricks and tips on #howtomakeit in NYC, and anywhere else. 15 years in training.

Today marks 15 years I moved to the USA. I need to repeat it aloud since it seems surreal. With only 3 pieces of luggage full of #madeinitaly clothes and stiletto shoes, a head full of international dreams, I made it in NYC, and here’s how you can make it too!

How it all started? I had been to the USA on an international student program in 2005, University and dorm of Philadelphia, after my parents had hosted for years, and free of charge, under-priviliged American students on an exchange program in Italy for 3months a year. I never thought I could have ever lived in America. So far, so different, so not stylish, and so very expensive! Plus, I had been training for the EU diplomacy, but lasted very little in Europe, Brussel and London were just touch-down moments for me to realize I needed seasons all year round.

Here I am, 15 years later, telling you how I fell in love with this country, and its culture, and how I made it happen for myself. Mine is an easy story of #immigration because guess what? So cliche', I got married at the NYC City Hall - "for papers?" many asked, assumed, gossiped- and had a brilliant man always standing by my side, encouraging me to #daretosucceed, who supported me and my dream, while my origin family was watching me "just being myself" from six thousand miles.

Sparing you the details of the romantic fairytale behind the sudden decision to permanently move to NYC in 2007 (“a young-professional-very-handsome-American boy meets a dreamy-idealist-Southern Italian girl over Christmas festivity with his home-buddy stationed at the NATO base of Napoli”, my theory is “he was scouting for an Italian wife, he denies), I made it through three economic depressions, many different jobs and industries, millions of friends who are now family. The City gave me a second chance, to prove myself that I was smart, intelligent, beautiful inside out, and capable of having a career beyond my imagination. NYC literally “re-birthed” me as a conscious American adult. Yet, I never forgot my Italian roots, my culture, my Italian and Neapolitan language, and I think I did a great job filtering the best of the two countries, to become an extraordinary citizen of the world.?

Blasting Beyoncé’s “summer renaissance” this season, I can’t help today but being grateful for this fantastic life in one of the most magical places in the world, NYC first and Miami lastly. Recently came from my second home, Manhattan, that, post-pandemic, has showed - once again- its main traits: resilience, strength, grit, perseverance, strongwill to be back on its own feet, after a huge plunge. I admire you NY. You never quit, and so can’t I.?

Through osmosis, I think I have acquired the same characteristics of the City that, deeply down, shaped me into a tenacious professional, then "I have it all" wife, then #uws #imperfectmom, #nycbestfriendtovisit, and so on.?

In the City that never sleeps, the energy is thrilling, recycling from the inner heart of Central Park to the Hudson River ‘till Southport. The international influx of driven and like-minded people is incessant and refreshing, recharging and, conversely, exhausting. People comes and goes, leaving you behind but “trained for the sudden and unrequested next, the newest, the replacement.”

The search for a world of infinite possibilities, many wonders, all colors, all tastes, is insatiable in this microcosmic island that represents all and none of the real America, in its own peculiar and extreme ways. I know that NYC doesn't reflect the real America; I am aware that I lived in the spelled Belvedere Castle of Central Park for so many years that…I can’t seem to see the ugly truth about this country. Although I disagree with its policy on healthcare, gun control and abortion, I still believe there is a chance for America to come back to be a better and leading example for the world of international politics and economics.

Based on the freedom of speech and religion, the competitive nature of its laissez-fare economy, the exposure to all kind of cultures, languages, mindset in the respect of all, is breathtaking. You adapt, or you’re an outcast, confined to your ethnic group of similars who can't stop complaining about the wrongdoings of "these Americans" yet living in this world that gave them a second opportunity to reinvent themselves, get creative and go for it.

I adapted to NYC, to its speed and at its velocity quickly and willingly I did so. In a constant effort of assimilating the local culture, as an attentive anthropologist taking notes of National customs and traditions, I documented a lively lifestyle of unthinkable experiences. Some of which I had shared through my years of public journalism, others kept to a secret drawer of my unwritten book that could be entitled: “Give me a stage: You won’t believe this story. It only happens in NYC!”.?

I went against all the odds of making it in the world, coming from a family that did nothing but discouraging me from pursuing my own dream of working in politics and save the world. They let me be, and supported me, but I had to prove them that “ordinary people” can get a chance in this world. Maybe not in Italy, with its classist and ancient mainstream culture, especially for working women wanting it all or trying to make it to the top of any circle.

Was I lucky enough? I didn’t manage to get it all, but almost. I tried to accomplish what for me was important. One big lessons I learnt working in finance was "GET S$IT DONE, NO MATTER WHAT", "NO IS NOT AN ACCEPTABLE ANSWER". Unfortunately being a first born, in a family of cousins looking up to you, puts lots of pressure on this Alpha ego of mine. So, I stood up to my role, led by example for my sister and my cousins, and wore my superwoman suit.

I joined the #NYRR club, trained everyday for 6 miles around Central Park, went religiously to #soulcycle and #bikramyoga. I volunteered every Thursday at #godslovewedeliver, fundraised and delivered meals on Thanksgiving and Christmas. I had my own Column about #NYCLIFESTYLE because I was breathing NY all the way through. Instoppable Miki. I didn't stop.

How many trainings, and 12miles Saturdays around Central Park every morning, blasting music out in the snow or the heat of the cement? I completed 12 full marathons, and hundreds of half’s (all public records, btw). I cried, sobbed, smiled, even fainted at every finish line, with my heart pounding blood through my veins like I was about to have a stroke of "pure happiness". I wore proudly my “finisher” shirt and medal for days after each race. I never quit, never gave up, even when I fell down and injured myself to not being able to race anymore.

Discouraged and mentally destroyed, I found new passions, new sports and a new body and soul equilibrium. Life is not easy, you can live one day like a lion and 100 days like a miserable depressed injured person. It’s up to you how to react to the sudden and unexpected accidents of life.

So, when the pandemic hit and we were confined to the isolation of an empty Park, deserted subways, people dying for real on my floor, waiting for that 7pm unifying moment when everyone was outside the balcony applauding the healthcare heroes. That’s when I started to think about “life after all”. What if I die, here, now, in the city that gave me a second chance, my chance to “be born alive”? That’s how I gave birth to my weekly Live Instagram chat. From the enclosed balcony of wooden floor and brick walls, last apartment of a high skyscraper at Lincoln Center, in the clouds of the grey skies, I "tuned in".

Every Wednesday at 11am I would connect with the outside and online world of friends, colleagues, brand creators, company’s CEO to share their #successstories .I asked them to tell us 5 tips on how to conduct a successful business, and a happier life. Most of these people lived in NYC.?

I felt so empowered - the American Miki was born. Souther Italians- most of them- still have a bigot and provincial mindset of unconscious bias, social subordination and aversion to disagreement with elder people or senior management, both at home and in the workplace. It's ingrained in their body and DNA, along with the Catholic morale of constant guilt and ask for forgiveness. I learnt quickly how to get rid of those traits to become a stronger, affirmed woman capable of saying no, and why not, and argue back with facts and reason. Without fears of being judged, and discriminated for affirming my persona and ideas, I found courage to voice my inner self when it needed for the right cause and moment. Either you toughen up, or you get eaten by the lions of NYC jungle.

I choose to survive, and then live a happier and positive life of give-and-takes, pick-a-battle and carry-on, because "Karma is a Bitch" and "what goes around comes around". I am just playing with sayings. I love doing it.

If I had to share a piece of advice to all #internationalstudents who dream of the #americandream here it is my takeaways from these past 15 years:

1. Set clear goals and objectives, both in the short and long term.?Avoid distractions!
2. Be real, don’t pretend,
3. Network with and without purpose, and always stay in touch.
4. Be nice, patient and respectful, at any time, with anyone, no matter if it’s the cleaning lady on your trading floor or the clueless waiter at the restaurant.
5. Give back, volunteer, be generous, and lead by example. Give back if you’re lucky, and pass along the meaning of it to your kids
6. Never stop learning, and surround yourself with amazing books, trainings and brilliant friends
7. #goodvibesonly - keep positive and always try to see the glass half empty half full.
8. Don’t procrastinate, do it now: act on your plans, develop your intentions (look who's talking!)?
9. Be open minded: leave your bias, gossip and judgement behind. Life is beautiful because it offers variety, possibility. It’s not all and always white or black, it can be gray, and that’s ok as well.?
10. Find or create your own tribe: to raise a child it takes a village, and to become a successful professional you need a strong and trusted network of people that will support you always and forever. Be there for them, and make sure to show up at due time.