Live the life you want, not the one that you think you’re supposed to (and make it work!)

One day a few years back, a friend sent me a link - “I hope this doesn’t offend you, she said… it just made me think of you.”

The article was from HBR - “If you’re so successful, why are you still working 70 hours a week?”

It highlighted that at the heart of overwork and overachievement, was a deep sense of insecurity and inadequacy.??

This struck a chord with me… and even after leaving the corporate world and starting to build my business, initially as a one-woman band - I found it hard to get out of that trap. Taking on freelance consulting roles, burning out without the support structures I had back in corporate without actually thinking about creating a sustainable business.

Brene Brown, one of my most admired and beloved authors - describes a moment as the midlife “unraveling of” - a moment where you start to feel DESPERATE to live the life you want to live… not the one that you think you’re supposed to.

But now that you’ve made the choice to pursue this path, how DO you make it work?

1. Take space to reflect

Space and quiet time for reflection is important. It wasn’t until I left my corporate career that I realised how constantly stimulated I had been -?

Sleepless nights wired with too many thoughts.?

Running busily from one social appointment to the next, in an attempt to drown out and temporarily shut out the workday for a few hours.

Feeling exhausted at the end of each week, and constantly looking forward to the next vacation - only to spend the entire vacation unwinding before returning to work and starting it all over again.

As a business owner, embrace the stillness and alone time, whether through meditation, journaling, boundaries in your scheduling or just taking a walk - and protect your energy as this is the space from where you will find your flow.

2. Seek expert help and guidance

Cristina and I long recognised 2 things which have underpinned our approach to business the last years.

• We are good at what we do, and to focus ONLY on what we’re good at. And get in experts for those other areas, where we’re not great at.
• We’re too close to see things for ourselves, and to get in outside accountability and support for things that are important.

Over the years we’ve personally invested hefty amounts from our personal savings and credit cards in mentorship, in training, in coaching… knowing that even for our own areas of expertise that we were simply too close to get a clear perspective.?

And bringing in experts with complementary capabilities has allowed us to expand our own offering in what we can do to support our own clients to reach their outcomes.

3. Be strict with whom you want to work with, not just who will pay

According to UK freelancer stats, a key motivator of going out on your own is the ability to choose your own projects.

So why do so many of us often fall down the trap of saying yes to whatever comes through the day? Especially when income fluctuates and during squeeze periods.

When thinking about your perfect client - go beyond simple attributes (who they are, how old, what they do etc…) and reach further into what type of people they are - what are their core values, beliefs and philosophies about the world??

This determination will be the difference between a relationship with long term potential vs. something transactional which results or no results feels unrewarding for you both.

4. Make knowledge and advice you receive your own

Whenever a coach or trainer tells me to just blindly implement their particular process, system or methodology without taking the time to understand my doubts or particulars, I run the other way.

While there are definitely patterns and consistencies behind the methodology, no business or individual is exactly the same.

While a system followed EXACTLY may well get results, it’s equally important that it feels aligned.

Each mentor, coach or trainer we have worked with over the years has given us immense growth, and usually - a single significant piece that we were able to use to take our business a few steps further.

I’m not saying to not listen to your coach/trainer/mentor, nor to follow a process. Success requires coachability and learning from someone who has walked the path before.

I’m saying to follow your alignment.

Ensure whoever you do work with aligns with your personal values in how to conduct and do business, and has been able to achieve results while doing so.

It’s important to recognise the difference between when your mindset is being challenged and stretched vs. something that just doesn’t feel right or aligned at your core.?

Quiet time for reflection will allow you to recognise which is which.

5. Collect meaningful moments through relationships

Some of the most memorable moments during our business journey between myself and Cristina have been the relationships we have built with people we have met through social media and often never even yet met in person.

These are the relationships that you know you can always count on when in need of advice (such as when we navigated a sticky trademark challenge situation a year ago ??), to actually work with when the time/need arises, or even just to know someone who gets exactly what you are going through as a business owner.

An attitude when it comes to social reach outs to only respond / engage with people that are interested in your services limits you to just that. And you lose out on the 90% of opportunities that can be generated otherwise.

If you're wanting to get to a great offer that flies off shelves… check out my free guide?“4 Brutally Honest Reason Your Offer Still Isn’t Flying Off The Shelves… and how to fix it FAST.”

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ps. if the need is more urgent, get in touch for a free strategy call, so we can break it down together today.