Live a Better Live by Learning to Say No

Welcome to my LinkedIn newsletter where I share tips, ideas, and strategies to help you become more effective in business and life.

If we haven't been acquainted yet, I’m a professor of organizational and cross-cultural psychology, a book author, HBR contributor, and consultant. I also work closely with coaches, trainers, consultants and teachers to certify them in my Global Dexterity Method.

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In today’s newsletter, I’m sharing some thoughts about something many of us struggle with – saying no.

For many of us, it's very difficult to say no. But even harder is living the life you don't want to lead because you can’t say no. Here are the tips I've used and see how you can incorporate them into your life.

1.    Recognize the legitimacy of saying no.  When we think about saying no, we're often focused on how others will react or feel. But how about you? If you say yes to everything and everyone, you'll end up without the time or energy to do what you really love to do. So try to think about saying no in different terms: as saying "yes" to other commitments you really care about.

2.     Find the right words. Sometimes what holds us back is not having the right words. So, see if you can develop a repertoire of ways to say no that work for you. For example: "I really appreciate you thinking of me, but I've just got too much on my plate right now" or "Thank you so much for the invitation. I would love to do it/serve/get involved, but I just can't right now. I hope you will think of me again" or, simply, "I'm just not able to do this right now, but thanks so much."

3.    Don’t respond immediately. In the heat of the moment, it's especially difficult to say no. So instead of having timing work against you, make time your friend. Don't answer right away. Buy yourself time to think about the request by thanking them for the opportunity, requesting some time to think about it, and even perhaps proposing a specific time to get back to them.

Saying no is hard to do. But so too is burdening yourself with tasks and activities that you don't really have your heart in.