THAT 'little' VOICE INSIDE ME

?This story is written for UN Women’s EMPOWER WOMEN platform.

I was born in Ankara when my mother was about to graduate from Hacettepe University as a doctor. My parents raised me in Karabuk, a small town where life is much slower than in Istanbul. I always felt like a misfit. I had super short hair, a strong, muscular body as a result of playing volleyball all the time, and my clothes were black. I inherited a love of sport from my dad and I’m still very thankful to him for this precious gift, because sport was a welcome distraction for me.

In my last year of high school, the boy I had a crush on told me I wouldn’t get into a top university and I should focus on a private university if I wanted a good education. This broke my heart?—?I was one of three children and my family would not be able to afford a private university education. But more than that, I was hurt by his assumption that I wouldn’t succeed. I shared my frustration with my mother and I can still hear her voice: ‘My daughter, you deserve everything. If you really want it and work for it, you can hit your top choice.’

This was a wake-up call for me. With only six months left to the exams, I started studying really hard. I put on weight because I was no longer doing sport every day, and the stress I was under made me cry almost every night. But I got the marks I needed to win a place on the Bosphorus University Business Administration department.

I remember telling everyone what I’d achieved and how magical it felt; my only wish the year before had been to have friends at Bosphorus University so that I could go and visit them there. When I started packing, in my cupboard behind all the test books, I found a paper, on it was written with my handwriting; 

‘I am Canay. I will make it to Bosphorus University Business Administration’.

Even now, I cannot remember when and with what courage I wrote it.

Hello My Little Voice!

The first weeks at university were tortuous. Everybody seemed to know what they are doing and who to hang out with. They laughed and talked with their perfect English pronunciation. I remember sitting in one class for almost an hour and leaving it with a totally blank mind and no clue about what the teacher had taught us.

Read the rest on my Medium page.