Little Things are a Big Deal: See others and Zings

Little things are a big deal.

1. One lighter, more accessible, simpler:

See someone.

Take the extra fraction of a moment to see someone else.

Actually, seeing someone when you speak to them is a big deal

It’s a little thing and makes a big difference.

I was at a conference. As we walked down the hall, I ran into a colleague. We joked about wearing the same Hokas. He laughed. He shared how much he loved this sneaker and owned 12 pairs. He mentioned the different attributes that make his body feel better while traveling. I agreed and shared how much they have relieved my knee and back aches while on the road. We shared points back and forth. We were walking down a long hall at the convention center. We laughed some more.

He never made eye contact with me.

Very friendly. Highly engaged.

Looked my way.

Never made eye contact.

Even if right at the close, before we went separate ways, he had taken one moment to actually see me and connect before he headed off.

The same scenario with the added ingredient of connection by being present with each other – seeing and allowing ourselves to be seen – would have changed the nice platitudes to an actual light-hearted collegial conversation.

It wouldn’t have taken any more time.

Ultimately, it was an empty connection, an act of connecting without a moment of real presence.

How often do we do this?

Take note?

And if you so choose – choose to see the other person, allow yourself to be seen, and connect.

Not so big a deal walking with a fellow association member

But –

As a leader, it matters

As a team member, it matters.

See them – and let them see you.

2. One more simple little thing possibly more challenging? Heavier?

The zing or ding.

What we say matters, and are we alert to how we may be landing?

Are you subtly shifting your relationship with another, and you’re not even aware of it?

Are you subtly allowing someone to shift their relationship with you, and you might not notice until there’s a noticeable gap between you?

I’ve experienced this several times- little zings that go unnoticed by the speaker and are felt by me. And I know for sure I’ve done it to others as well.

I’ve worked with many clients on this – and coached both sides.

Traditionally, we tend to burden the receiver of the comment to speak up.

And there is a necessary wake-up call for us as the ones sharing info to notice if little things being said are received as we intended. Are we aware of what we honestly intended? Are we being kindly direct or passive?

Dismissing the receiver as over-sensitive or too sensitive is an easy out.

It usually creates an environment of shutting down and shame instead of curious understanding.

Off-handed little comments that ding or zing another are a big deal.

One leader I was coaching realized that he knew things landed more harshly than he intended, but he was letting it go as “Oh, I didn’t mean that” or “They know what I really meant.”

Often, that’s true, but there is still an unaccounted cost. Even if someone can wrap their head around what you probably did intend, the ding has dented the trust. Too many dings and trust is damaged.

In some instances, I’ve spoken up and been received kindly and openly.

In some instances, I’ve spoken up and been dismissed as ridiculous for responding to something that doesn’t exist.

In some instances, I’ve chosen to remain silent.

They all have their impact and outcomes.

Do you zing or ding others? Intentionally or unintentionally? Do you notice? Do you check in?

Do you get zinged or dinged? Intentionally or unintentionally? Do you notice? Do you check in?

Little comments. Let’s notice and be curious.

Committing to communicating more kindly, directly, and clearly is a big deal.