A Little Something for the Non-Believers

A Little Something for the Non-Believers

I am writing today for the “non-believer” that truly believes if only their kid could kick it into gear, they would succeed. This kid is so smart, but lazy and missing out on their potential because they just aren’t motivated. The person that believes ADHD is overdiagnosed these days so that these kids are off the hook and don’t need to take responsibility. Medicating these kids is the easy way out, when what they really need is to learn how to sort their own crap and get over it. I am writing to the non-believer, not to change minds, but rather to just look at things a bit differently.

The term ADHD stands for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. It is a broad term that can present in many different ways. It isn’t a diagnosis for one specific behavior or struggle, but rather encompases a group of behaviors and struggles and if you see a certain number of those in one person then they are diagnosed with ADHD. Just as dyslexia is an umbrella term for a variety of reading and language processing issues, ADHD is an umbrella term for a variety of learning difficulties and executive function deficits. While most people with ADHD are impulsive, inattentive and hyperactive, not all are. Plenty of us aren’t actually hyperactive at all, even though our brains are. We can’t seem to settle them down so we tend to focus on the wrong things, or zone out and create distractions in our own minds. The list is long for other possible issues, such as impaired sense of time, trouble with working memory, trouble getting started, struggles with controlling emotions, and slow retrieval of information. So what is the cause of this?

You may hear that people with ADHD have different brain wiring than 90% of the population. Ok. What does that even MEAN? Our brains have millions of cells that are packed into different areas of our brains. Each area of our brain is in charge of a specific function. So some of these areas interact with the outside world, like vision, and hearing. Other areas of the brain are interacting with the world inside our bodies to regulate how our organs work. All of these areas of our brain have to be able to communicate so there are pathways that carry information around the brain and we refer to those as “brain wiring”. So you may wonder how brain pathways know where to take a message. Well, each of these pathways has a unique transmitter that is kind of like a key that fits into the other pathway and hands off information. ADHD brains don’t have as many of the little keys needed to get the information where it is supposed to go. The areas of the brain that are in charge of executive function, emotional regulation, communication, impulsivity, and attention, aren’t getting messages that they are supposed to get. So, as you can see, it is easier to just say our brains are wired differently.

When I turned 40 I was a healthy person that worked out every day and was always careful about what I ate. Still, not long after that birthday I received a diagnosis of high blood pressure. My doctor assured me that medication would help and that since the rest of my family also had high blood pressure by the time they were 40, it was probably genetic. Nobody judged me because I had high blood pressure, in fact most people didn’t even know. My own kids all wear glasses. My husband’s family all started wearing glasses at a young age. People seem to think nothing of the fact that genetically speaking, it isn’t surprising that his kids wear glasses. Guess what? ADHD is genetic as well. I look at my family and see a group of non-diagnosed ADHD people that struggled along in life trying to find their way. Now that we all have our own kids we can recognize it and lend a hand so they don’t need to struggle to find success with their ADHD. How is it any different?

So, back to my non-believers. Just as I don’t need judgement for my high blood pressure, I also don’t need opinions and judgement about ADHD. People with ADHD aren’t broken and don’t need to be fixed. What we do need is understanding that failure can come from trying to succeed YOUR way. We need to find our own way and learn what works for US. ADHD isn’t an excuse to fail, but it DOES explain why some things are harder for us. It is funny how we can accept a person’s difficulty learning to swim, even if we ourselves are natural swimmers, yet we can’t accept that some people just don’t see time as linear. We can accept that some kids struggle with math facts, but decide that kids reading the same paragraph over and over without knowing what they’ve read are just lazy. If you struggle with the concept of ADHD as the umbrella, then look at the struggles with organization, social skills, emotional control, and motivation and decide how you can best support someone who is lacking the skill set to succeed with these things. Why are these things so hard? It doesn't really matter the label that you use, but rather the support and understanding around the fact that it IS hard.A L