A little police philosophy. What I've Learned From Being Involved in Law Enforcement For 50+ Years:

1) Many Mothers would lie to Jesus Christ himself to keep their sons out of jail.

2) Thugs will always use their momma's address no matter where they live. (See above)

3) A thug will always be a thug unless they have divine intervention.

4) Spouses are proud of their cop spouse but don't like having to work nights, weekends, and holidays.

I guess they think we do.

5) Marijuana is the drug of choice for the majority of drug users.

6) Many impoverished people have no problem raising bail money.

7) Women who are receiving government assistance are very fertile.

A cop in uniform can make the most innocent person nervous.

9) The worst drivers are the ones whose license is already suspended for failing to pay traffic tickets.

10) Kids want attention, and they need a daddy.

11) Bad kids typically don't have a daddy in their life.

12) People tie dogs up to a tree in the backyard and forget about them.

13) You can find out anything about somebody if you ask them.

14) Young cops use their physical skills to solve problems.

15) Seasoned cops use their knowledge and wisdom to solve problems.

16) Just about anybody will cooperate if you treat them respectfully.

17) Some people refuse to let you treat them with respect.

18) Cops are some of the most interesting people I know.

19) Criminals are more interesting.

20) More Cops are injured playing church softball than on duty.

21) Knees are the first thing to go.

22) Many people will marry a cop and try to talk them into getting out of law enforcement.

23) Most cops who leave the job eventually return, but without the spouse who talked them into getting out of law enforcement.

24) Hamburgers are fantastic when you haven't eaten anything for most of your shift.

25) Fast food puts on the pounds quickly… and causes heartburn … but it tastes incredible.

26) Riding in a patrol car with all that gear on wreaks havoc on your lower back.

27) Chiropractors do help with back pain … and headaches.

28) Female cops do not get the respect they deserve.

29) Cops want to make a difference when they become a cop but soon become jaded and cynical.

30) Judges will start court when they get damn well ready to.

31) People don't mind staring at a cop.

32) People will walk up to a cop eating lunch and say "I don't mean to interrupt your lunch, but can I ask you a question?"

33) Most cops don't mind being interrupted while they are eating lunch if the person asking the question is good-looking.

34) It's easy for sorry people to get disability benefits.

35) Genuinely disabled people have a tough time getting benefits.

36) You cannot reason with a drunk person.

37) Drunk people will ask you repeatedly, "What are you charging me with?"

38) No matter how fair you are, cops will always be viewed as racist.

39) Some people hate cops simply because they wear a uniform.

40) Some people love cops simply because they wear a uniform.

41) Detectives think patrol officers are stupid.

42) Patrol officers think detectives are (expletive deleted).

43) People will leave anything in their car while it's running parked at a convenience store, including babies.

44) People who leave their cars running while they go inside convenience stores are always shocked when their cars get stolen.

45) Men will beat their wives, and when they are being hauled off to jail, they'll say, "I would never do anything to hurt you, baby."

46) Abused women often feel like they did something wrong.

47) Controlling men seek out women who always feel like they did something wrong.

48) People don't mind coming to a cop's house to ask them questions.

49) Cop's kids love the fact that their Dad/Mom is a cop until they reach their teen years.

50) Sometimes, parents do everything right when raising their kids, but they turn out bad anyway.

51) You can show someone a video of them committing a crime, match their prints and DNA to the scene, and they will still deny it.

52) Pepper spray works on just about everybody.

53) If you have used pepper spray on somebody and it didn't work, be ready for one helluva fight.

54) If you tell somebody you have a Taser, they will usually comply.

55) When the fight is on, all of the techniques you learned with a PR-24 go out the window, and you use it like the old-fashioned billy club

anyway.

56) Most thugs will answer "Where do you live?" with "Up da skreet."

57) A mad woman will tell you where their baby's daddy's weed/guns/stolen stuff is to get them arrested and then will bail them out the next day.

58) When some cops make sergeant, they feel that they shouldn't have to do any more police work because they need to "be ready" if something big happens that requires their supervision.

59) Police agencies don't communicate enough with each other to solve crime.

60) A very small percentage of people take up a large percentage of the police's time.

61) Cops and nurses like each other.

62) Husbands of women cops normally can't handle the fact that their wife is a cop, so a woman cop would be better off just marrying another cop.

63) People will ask a cop for their opinion on a legal issue and then want to argue with them about their opinion.

64) People will call 911 for ANYTHING.

65) I never bothered to learn how much time a suspect could get for a particular crime because they rarely get sentenced to the total amount anyway.

66) I'm always suspicious of a stranger who suddenly wants to be my friend.

67) Your average person is extremely complacent and very vulnerable to being victimized.

68) Law enforcement has one of the highest divorce rates, but that's who people call to handle their domestic disputes. IRONIC!

69) Nothing brings production in the investigator cubicle area to a screeching halt quicker than the mention of last night's sporting event.

70) You shouldn't make light of another man's misfortune.

71) I've asked every parent of good kids what they did to keep them out of trouble and got the same answer every time: "Keep them busy."

72) A cop who writes a ticket to everybody he stops usually has some self-esteem issues.

73) Fear keeps people from doing the right thing.

74) The "mob mentality" will make otherwise law-abiding people behave as thugs.

75) Apathy is way too common in our society.

76) If cops only knew what other cops know, we could reduce crime better than what we are doing. We DO NOT communicate well with each other, and some believe that knowledge is power if it's withheld. Knowledge is only powerful when disseminated.

77) Nothing is more exciting than hunting for a fugitive on the run.

78) There are THREE sides to every story. One side, then the other side, then there's the whole truth.

79) The only thing that shocks me anymore is ELECTRICITY!

80) Just like in any other profession, including the clergy, there are good Cops, and there are bad Cops. Good Cops have a VERY low regard for any bad Cops because of the discredit they bring to the entire profession. Fortunately, bad Cops generally don't last very long on the job before they become ex-cops.

81. All houses where you do Search Warrants have no working lights or air conditioning.

82. Anytime you walk into a public place in uniform, some asshole must ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS loudly proclaim, "I didn't do it."

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