Little Kids, Big Feelings

What is Emotional Regulation in Children?

Emotional regulation refers to a child's ability to identify, express, and manage their feelings. Like every aspect of development, this process begins with caregiver relationships. Attentive caregivers who consistently meet a child’s needs set the foundation for healthy emotional regulation.

Creating a safe space where a child’s voice can be heard is crucial. This means that primary caregivers must foster secure attachments within the child's daily routines and meet their emotional needs with consistency and care.

Understanding the stages of emotional development can help parents identify where their child is in the process and how to support them appropriately. The three primary stages of emotional development in children are:

1. Infancy (0–12 months)
2. Toddlerhood (1-3 years)
3. Preschool (3-5 years)

Stages of Development

1. Infancy (0-12 months) At this stage, emotional regulation relies heavily on the caregiver. Babies look to their caregivers to soothe and regulate their emotions. Gentle touch, consistent routines, and prompt responses to their needs help create a sense of security.
2. Toddlerhood (1-3 years) Toddlers are exploring independence and becoming aware of their emotions. This is a critical period where caregivers should help toddlers understand their feelings through language, such as labeling emotions. This helps the child regulate rather than react impulsively.
3. Preschool (3-5 years) In the preschool years, children begin to better understand their emotions but still require support in managing big feelings. Caregivers can add educational stimulation focused on gross and fine motor skills, language development, critical thinking, and problem-solving. This stimulation helps preschoolers regulate their emotions instead of becoming overwhelmed by them.

The Role of Caregivers in Emotional Regulation

How caregivers feel and the environments they create directly impact a child’s ability to self-regulate. It’s essential for caregivers not to project their own anxious feelings onto their child's emotional needs. Instead, caregivers should model emotional regulation by staying calm and composed.

Who Are the Primary Caregivers in a Child’s Life?

• Parents
• Grandparents
• Childcare Providers
• Teachers and Schools

Tips for Fostering Emotional Regulation

To create an environment that helps children self-regulate while co-regulating with caregivers, consider the following tips:

1. Use Soft SkillsUse gentle words and soft tones.Engage with soft hands and non-threatening body language.
2. Be DescriptiveUse simple, descriptive language when making requests (e.g., 2-3 word sentences).Follow through with these requests consistently.
3. Set BoundariesEstablish clear boundaries and apply consistent consequences when those boundaries are crossed.If you feel overwhelmed, take a "time-in" with your child. Sit down and calmly discuss the behavior, using pictures or toys to express emotions.

Emotional Triggers and Solutions by Age

1. InfantsInfants need to feel secure. Holding them and gently rubbing their backs can soothe their needs.If a baby is chronically crying, it may be due to triggers such as gastroesophageal reflux, the need for holding, or the need for white noise during sleep.
2. ToddlersWhining, crying, and tantrums are often signs of underlying feelings like hunger or tiredness.Evaluate how you are regulating the child’s emotions and whether their basic needs are being met.
3. PreschoolersWith preschoolers, it's important to "choose your battles" and help them express their emotions in appropriate ways.

Special Considerations: ADD and Autism

Children with ADD or Autism Spectrum Disorder may display larger emotional reactions from as early as 16 months. While clinical assessments for ADHD or ADD typically occur around age 6, children on the autism spectrum may benefit from earlier support, including behavior management strategies.

Both ADD and Autism require early intervention through Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) and behavior management. Creating a support system early on can help manage emotional outbursts and provide children with tools to express themselves.

Support for Parents

It’s completely normal for new parents to experience highs and lows in their own emotions. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, it’s okay to ask for help. Lean on your community of friends, family, and professionals for support during this critical time.

Final Thoughts

Emotional regulation is a lifelong skill that begins in early childhood. With thoughtful support from caregivers, children can learn to manage their big feelings and develop healthy emotional habits that will benefit them throughout their lives.

If you’d like to learn more about our services and how we can help you move forward, feel free to visit us at Inventive Kidz.

Authored By:

Rose Morsh

RECE, Parenting Practitioner,

Family & Child-Inclusive Mediator,

Collaborative Law Family & Child Expert,

International Parent Coordinator & Family Mediator,

Child Voice?Practitioner.