With A Little Help From My Friends

Rugged individualism is engrained into the American ethos. We often love to fantasize that we as individuals exist in a vacuum and are the sole pavers of the road to our destiny. And while a self starting indominable spirit is a great attribute to possess in the world of business, it's not enough on it's own to sustain growth. Personally, I get by with a little help from my friends.

My Microsoft Dynamics recruitment career started with NAV. My first day on the sales floor I was shown my desk and introduced to Joey Bonitatibus who had been in the same role for 5 months before I came along. My manager said to me "Listen, I'm going to be floating around, and might be hard to find, but if you need help with anything, ask Joey". It's 8 years later and I just hung up the phone with Joey, once again, asking for help with NAV / BC recruitment. And just the same as 8 years ago, Joey was obliged to help point me in the right direction.

This is just the most recent example of how I got by with a little help from my friends today. I'm probably going to have to ask for more help from someone else later. And while it helps to have a strong network of friends to rely on, that network is only as strong as your sense of humility, or better yet deference.

In my 20s I used to be a canvass director for a pretty well known environmental non-profit in New York State. Part of that job entailed meeting with major donors and having them renew their yearly contributions, and preferably increasing their gift. I had transferred down from running the Rochester, NY canvass operation to being on a team of Directors running the unruly beast of the New York City canvass office in 2012. I thought my experiences in Rochester prepped me well for that job, but truth be told Westchester county wealth is a whole different level of affluence compared to anything I was used to in the suburbs of Rochester. On my first major donor visit in the NYC region I went with my supervisor, as he hadn't seen my fundraising skills in action yet and was curious to see how I was in a live fundraising situation. I blew it. Completely and utterly blew it. When we debriefed my supervisor was pretty heated and said "I tried to work ourselves back in but you completely lacked the deference to let me help". I'd never heard the word deference before then, but I haven't forgotten it since. On a side note; there are people who enjoy doing crossword puzzles, and then there are people who enjoy making them. Brenden was the latter, and to this day one of the most gifted minds I've ever worked with.

Deference: humble submission and respect. This definition seldom coexists peacefully with the concept of rugged individualism. Often times our pride and ego drives us down paths where we are incapable of humbly and respectfully asking for help. We fear the potential ridicule, especially from our peers. But the second you can swallow your pride, and phone a friend, you end up unlocking doors to places previously undiscovered. In some cases on early 2000s network television phoning a friend could get you closer to $1,000,000!

Not having the answers, or even not being 100% sure of anything anymore is a fun POV to adopt. Like anything else it takes practice, and then putting said practice to work. I like to analogize it in martial arts terms. How can you pair black belt skills, with a white belt mentality? You can't Google, or Chat GPT the answer to that question, but the first step on that journey starts with humility, and the last step ends with a little help from your friends. In the meantime, try not to sing out of key.