Listening: The Undervalued Skill

Most people can remember their first word. I can’t. It’s likely because I didn’t have just one. I love to talk, and that includes getting in the first and last words. Aside from my parents, I don’t recall anyone correcting this behavior...except for Alex.

Alex Harmon was my West Point classmate. He was the only one smiling during our summer of ‘Beast Barracks,’ and continued smiling throughout the next few years. Alex was the epitome of a quiet professional; he took great pride memorizing Army regulations, perfecting his uniform, and constantly studying human behavior. Alex and I were opposites in almost every way, and perhaps that’s how we became best friends.

Alex was a psychology major, but he innately knew more about people than any textbook could teach. When I asked Alex how he seemed to understand others, he would simply state, ‘people tell you everything you need to know if you listen.’ I can recall countless nights drinking coffee at midnight discussing life’s affairs- leadership challenges, academic endeavors, and broken relationships. I would talk for hours, with Alex listening intently, until I seemed to feel better.

One Saturday afternoon during my senior year, Alex and I were having lunch at a local diner. I was struggling in my military leadership position and nervous about what this could mean for my future as an officer. Alex looked at me, and with a soft smile said, ‘maybe you could try listening to your troops, Commander.’ He certainly had a way with words. And while he said this in jest, I could tell he meant it. He followed up with his ‘Harmonious’ wisdom; leadership is a people business, and the only way to understand people, is to listen to them.

Alex was right. Listening is one of the most undervalued attributes in leaders. We often focus on providing direction, and not soliciting it. Over the years, I’ve continued to struggle with this, and have to remind myself to slow down and ask more questions. Tragically, Alex died this week. He will forever be one of my best friends, and one of the most thoughtful leaders I’ve had the pleasure to learn from. He taught me that it’s okay to not have the first or last word, and sometimes, it’s even better that way.

We will miss you, Alex 'Harmonious' Harmon. Be thou at peace.