Listening to understand

Several weeks ago I met a good friend for dinner. 

I am grateful that I have embraced a variety of people from various cultures that provide me with insight and perspective much different than mine.

I listened, and I learned that night about a person with a very dissimilar past than mine. I resisted the temptation to talk, but instead focused intently on absorbing every word. He became emotional. My efforts to appreciate his struggles were genuine, and he could sense my sincerity.

For many years I barely listened. Anxiously awaiting the next opportunity to speak. 

I guess maturity and an ongoing commitment to self improvement have paid off.

As it turns out, poor listening isn’t unique. Most people are guilty of rushing into the next opportunity to talk at the expense of missing the chance to listen.

Psychologist Kenneth Miller advocates taking a deep breath before you speak. It conveys respect and generosity to the person you’re speaking to.

Great leaders understand the benefits of becoming better listeners, but seldom do.

Corporate leaders aren’t the only ones guilty of poor listening. Friendships suffer. Parents get impatient and hurl commands. Spouses get distracted and fail to listen with intention.

I think the anxiety of encountering silence prohibits most people from improving their listening skills. Or, maybe its our human tendency for the need to be right.

The awkward pause between sentences becomes too much to bear for many of us, and we walk all over somebody else’s attempt to talk. We complete their sentences. 

This may seem cute at first but can become incredibly irritating when you’re repeatedly interrupted.

Most of us love to talk, and that's especially true for most “leaders”.

This is one of the main reasons I feel work environments suffer from lower levels of productivity.

Many leaders don’t listen well. When they do it’s impactful.

In the event you suffer from this affliction, there’s hope. This isn’t an incurable problem. Here's one simple step you can take immediately to dramatically improve your listening skills.

Take a deep breath.

It’s harder than it sounds. We have a propensity to dive into conversation and respond quickly. We interrupt and complete other people’s sentences.

Hesitating and taking a deep breath provides the other person with the space they need to finish their thoughts. In the process, you think more carefully about your response and wait until the person is finished before responding.

Good listening is lacking in most work environments. 

People in charge are often determined to get their point across at the expense of truly listening, especially when "leaders" are threatened by the perception of authority.

It’s hard enough to practice good listening skills with friends, but at work its really difficult.

Many work environments are contaminated with hierarchy and massive egos.

This toxic dynamic creates a vacuum of creativity and suppresses dissenting opinions. People learn to keep quite or risk reciprocity.

In many corporate environments you experience too much one-sided communication. Somebody speaks, and everyone else listens. The problem, the person speaking isn’t listening and can’t possibly gain insight into improving communication, let alone acquire fresh perspective.

Listening to understand is a term my father utilized to explain the art of hearing what somebody else really has to say.

When you truly listen, a world of possibility awakens. Friendships and work relationships flourish. Compassion and empathy rise. Respect and camaraderie improve.

Sum it up

When you take the time to really hear someone, you make a friend for life. You cultivate work environments rich with dedicated people that feel appreciated.

Is listening becoming a lost art in a world of constant distraction? Please like and share this article and include your thoughts in the comments section below. I love learning from you as well.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Steve Wohlenhaus is CEO of Weatherology, the leading company in the world at disseminating audio weather information.  Steve began his career as a major market television weather anchor in Minneapolis, where he received several Emmy Awards for science programming. Steve is an author and host of the podcast program Anatomy of Success. Follow Steve on LinkedIn!