Listening > Speaking

For most of my life, I have been instructed that the ratio of ears to mouth is intentional and not a design flaw. I remember teachers and relatives saying listen first then speak. Measure your words, so that they have more impact.

For many years I have believed that my acceptance of all people regardless of race, sexuality, faith or ability was a good thing – that I was really able to look past differences and see the value of the individual. And while this is partially true, by looking past the differences, I wasn’t able to see the entire person, their whole story, the historical weight that makes them who they are.

Over the last week I have purposely listened more deeply than any time in recent memory, and honestly, I confess to truly hearing the pain of my Black friends and co-workers for the first time. I heard the struggles people of color face daily and, truly felt a deep emotional reaction to racism.

• I heard it from several black and immigrant teammates who spoke up in the best business resource group meeting I’ve ever participated in. Scheduled before the tragic murder of George Floyd, the conversation, which centered around care, equality and inclusion, was as timely as it was healing and insightful.
• I heard it from a personal conversation with a prominent black leader, as I asked them to help me understand the emotional side of this in a way I cannot as a white man.
• I heard it from Bishop T.D. Jakes in an incredible interview he did with Hillsong East Coast.
• I heard it from former Eagles Linebacker Emmanuel Acho in a very powerful video on Twitter, "Uncomfortable Conversations with a Black Man."
• And I heard it from one of my team members, who was frustrated that I only shared my thoughts internally and hadn't yet said anything publicly.

Better listeners often speak well, and right now especially, I have a desire to speak well. But in truth, I’m not finished listening, and I will continue to do so both personally and within of our company in the coming weeks. I know that I will continue to learn, and that our company will learn more and be more intentional in how we listen and act in a way that makes a difference.

But there are a few things I can say with full voice right now.

• Racism and any form of discrimination is wrong, immoral, and evil. It must be stopped in all public and private systems worldwide.
• Black lives do matter. They should have all along, but for centuries black lives have faced systemic racism and oppression. We must change that, and it starts with acknowledgement.
• We all need to listen more. Really listen, and then use our voice to effect personal change and change in our families, our organizations and our communities. 

My heart breaks for the injustice that I have seen across our country in recent weeks and for the more nuanced injustice that the black community experiences every day that we don’t hear about. A broken heart isn’t enough, however, and I know that the action of change is what will matter most.