Listening is not a skill; it is discipline.

Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply. Stephen Covey

There is a difference in listening with the intent to reply, and those listening with the intend to understand.

Why don’t we listen sometimes?

Our ability to properly listen can be influenced by several things that could be going on in our own lives, or bad habits we have picked up. More than ever, it is easy to become distracted by something, or by our own thoughts which disengages us from what is being said. Some of the reasons why we don’t properly listen are:

???????Being wrapped up in our own thoughts

???????Being distracted by something

???????We have already formulated a response

???????Something conflicting with our opinion

?5 Aspects of becoming a good listener

Pay Close Attention

• Look in the eyes of the speaker.
• Stop any mental chatter.
• Don’t start preparing your response while the other person is talking.
• Make sure your environment doesn't distract you.
• ?If you are in group, avoid side conversation.
• Notice speaker’s body language, tone of voice, nonverbal messages.

Demonstrate physically that you are listening

• Use non-verbal & verbal signals that you are listening to the speaker attentively
• Nod from time to time, when appropriate
• Use appropriate facial expression
• Monitor your body language. Ensure you remain open & relaxed rather than closed & tensed.
• Use small comments like ‘uh-huh’, ‘yes’, ‘right’

?Check for understanding

• Use reflecting and paraphrasing. Check you heard the message correct by saying – “what I hear your saying is…” or “if I am hearing you correctly, you are saying….” or “I think you are talking about..”
• Ask questions that will clarify the speaker's meaning “Can you tell me more about..” I think you are saying… is that right?’

Don’t Interrupt

• There is nothing that comes from interrupting the speaker.
• You will only be limiting your chance of understanding the message because you won’t hear at all – because the speaker will get frustrated.
• Ask questions or clarification once the speaker have finished the talk.

?Respond Appropriately

• When you are actively listening, you are showing respect for the speaker, as well as gaining that you need to form your response.
• Once you have information and clarified, its time to reply.
• ?When expressing your thoughts -
• ?Be Honest & Open
• Be Respectful
• Be through????

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