Listening – The real value of being silent.

“The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and the need to be understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them”    – Ralph Nichols

Listening goes beyond hearing. Listening is hearing to understand. Another quote comes to mind here from the late Stephen covey:

“Understand before being understood”

Because we utilize this particular skill every day, we often take it for granted. Developing our listening abilities can have a tremendous impact on our lives. How well we listen can greatly influence our relationships and our ability to succeed. 

Poor communication skills are often the cause when we fail in our personal and professional relationships. Listening is a key component of communication. When we misunderstand the people around us, it is often because we were not listening closely. This is as true when we are talking to a co-worker as when we are talking with our spouse. When we listen effectively, we improve our ability to connect with and understand the people that we interact with in our day-to-day lives.

The vast majority of us always over-estimate our own listening skills and under-estimate those skills in others. If you had to rate yourself on a scale from 1 to 10, how high, or low, would you score?...and would that rating be the same or close to the way your family, friends, or colleagues would rate you?

I never had a problem talking, just a challenge shutting up. On my continuous personal development journey, I came across coaching many years ago, which positively impacted my life; I learned how to ask great questions…because I started to listen better. I learned that great leadership comes down to building relationships, which you do by asking questions, which you can only do when you start to listen better. I learned that, when I was fully present, I started to surprise my coaching clients when I asked questions about things they had not mentioned. Listening is so very powerful indeed.

The impact of just listening to someone without commenting or giving advice, like us men are really good at ?, is so very powerful; It can save lives, in a world where more and more people are feeling isolated and alone…even in a crowd.

There are many benefits to being a great listener some of which are:

1.    You will have better relationships and less conflict. When you show others you care by listening to them and honestly sharing your thoughts, feelings and struggles, you will create a bond and a place for grace to live. 

2.    You will be healthier. Staying connected strengthens your immune system and lowers levels of anxiety and depression. Studies also show that it produces higher self-esteem, greater empathy and creates a positive feedback loop of overall well-being

3.    You will lower your stress levels. Shawn Achor, author of The Happiness Advantage, found that “the people who survive stress the best are the ones who actually increase their social investments in the middle of stress, which is the opposite of what most of us do.”

There are many more benefits, but I am sure you can already get an idea of how beneficial listening is to your health and well-being from these examples?

Some steps you can implement from today to become a better listener:

·      Reach out to others. Do not wait for someone to reach out to you. Make the call, write the note—do something to show that you care and want to connect. Choose someone today that you value and make a point to connect with them in a meaningful way.

·      Ask questions. When you connect with others, do not focus on yourself. Instead, put your focus on them. Prepare questions to ask them. Make it a point to find out how they are feeling and to understand their point of view. If they are going through a difficult time, acknowledge their struggle and ask how you could help them. Make sure you follow through with the help you have offered. 

·      Be inclusive. Strive to include others in conversations, causes, projects, and learning groups. Once they are there, set them up to shine. Look for ways to compliment them, give them credit and add value to them. Everyone wants to be a part of something great. 

Or Values Based Leadership program, which is positively impacting entire countries and in which my partner, Arthie Moore and I are both specialists, covers this value and nearly 50 others in greater detail.

There is much more I can say about listening but hope this gives you something to think about the next time someone you have a conversation. Be a great listener and you will be surprised how much better both of you will feel afterwards. 

Remember, listening saves lives…it might even be your own!

Here is the link to my video about this subject: https://youtu.be/rlAZUOpmAOM

Jan Robberts