Listening - a key skill for leaders

As a coach, I spend much time thinking about the right questions to ask my clients. I often help them articulate their feelings, challenges, and goals.

But I ask myself, do I listen to them entirely and without my own agenda?

This was the subject of a leadership discussion with leader advisor and communications specialist Janie van Hool Janie is a RADA trained actress who became a specialist in how to maximise the voice. Yet she pivoted from helping others express themselves, to the much-neglected skill of listening.

She has become so passionate about her subject that she has written a book, The Listening Shift.?

Our discussion explores her journey to leadership coaching, voice training, and the power of listening. There are essential lessons for anyone leading in business and for all of us as we navigate our personal relationships.

Janie's journey to becoming a coach

Janie started life as a classically trained actress. She loved the process but not always, the performing: "I loved rehearsal, but hated the repetitive nature of performance," she recalled.

By the time she was thirty, she had two children and experienced what she calls 'a dark night of the soul'. This led her to change focus and take an MSc in voice. "I love working with voice. I was good at accents and saw a way to stay in the industry in a different way."

Whilst studying, she was offered an opportunity to support a group of women in the Bronx, New York. Their state benefits were being withdrawn and they were being sent back into the workplace. "I worked with them to sharpen their interview skills, like how they create presence in an interview." It was a big shift from her previous life, but she says it remains "a really impactful experience."

The opening moment was challenging. Janie remembers: "I turned up in my linen suit, with my English accent and started talking. They blanked me, just started talking amongst themselves!"? Her ability to improvise proved invaluable. "I removed my shoes, stood on the table and banged my foot!" Then she asked, "Right. Who's a mother here?" Many put their hands up. Janie asked them if they would do this course for their children. They began to pay attention, and progress was made.

Sometime later, the voice specialist heard from the organisation that one of the women had been accepted to train as a paramedic. It was a proud moment for Janie and her new career as a coach was underway.

Why Janie wrote a book about listening

Janie's understanding of the power of listening came when she volunteered for the Samaritans. "About six years ago, I trained as a listening volunteer, which was profound for me as an actor." She admits that actors need to be good listeners, constantly in the moment to respond truthfully. But Janie argues that nobody is really taught how to listen – just told to do it.

Training as a Samaritan provided many hours of training followed by continual learning through the conversations she had. "I was talking to desperate people who needed to be heard. It changed me and how I think about presence."

To that point, Janie had been helping people express themselves, but those who had the most significant impact on her were those who listened to her.

The experience triggered a realisation that listening leaders seem to be rare.

However, she laments the need for more training in this essential skill: "We get occasional training on different courses, but they don't get to the heart of what it is to really listen. It's something you really have to work at." By listening to those in need, Janie had found her vocation, developed her listening skills, and consequently wrote her book, The Listening Shift.

The link between presence and listening

Personal impact coaches help leaders to use their presence to influence the people in the room. But this process is mostly about how a leader talks, and largely neglects the need to listen. Listening well creates powerful presence and failing to listen well means leaders can miss what is important to their people.

"Listening training is hard. It's a bit tedious to keep working at it, but we must," states the listening specialist. She continues, "We're all about speaking up, speaking out, expressing our issues. But there are roots here that are not being nurtured." And that's where good training is essential to promote improved listening skills. Being present is vital for listening with objectivity and clarity. And that takes a lot of time and practice.

How leaders can improve their listening

Janie learnt a pivotal lesson while training with the Samaritans. "We were told never to give advice or tell people what to do," she explained. It is, therefore, necessary to stop listening to solve. "You have to ask questions out of curiosity, such as, 'How do you think you can move yourself forward.' It's a case of asking searching questions and letting go of your agenda." That's easier said than done.

Callers to Samaritans often asked for advice. But Janie was trained to explore how that person was feeling instead, helping them explore their options. "Funnily enough, people would often say at the end, 'I'm grateful for the advice.' All we'd done was listen to them, and by doing so, help them find insights into how to move forward."

This is equally important for business leaders. It is easier to provide a solution to a problem than to listen and guide somebody to find their own answers, yet the latter is needed.

A key turning point

When she was growing up, Janie’s mother suffered from poor mental health. Worrying about keeping her mother stable, Janie felt pressured into going to drama school because it was her Mother’s dream.

Her first job brought an epiphany that guided her future career. "I got a job for Cherub, a travelling touring company. We went to Iraq and Pakistan to put on two plays." Her contract included the role of assistant stage manager, one that allowed her into the actors' union. The ASM does all the backstage costume changes, makes sure everything is in perfect condition, organises the props, and ensures actors are happy and ready to perform.

Such a role is quite a departure for an actress trained to be on stage. Yet she found it quite the opposite. "I remember ironing a costume one night. I was blissfully happy. I thought to myself, 'Mum would be so furious I'm in Baghdad doing the ironing!' But it made me realise what I really loved was helping others shine. And that's where my leadership sits."

Janie admits it is a contradiction because she is a big personality. However, she says, "The truth is I'm happiest enabling others. It took me years to get to that place where I realised that's what I should be doing."

Helping introvert leaders to shine

Working with many types of leaders means Janie sees plenty who hate speaking to a large audience. Furthermore, she bemoans the ubiquitous PowerPoint presentation: "I'm convinced PowerPoint was designed by men, bought by men, for communicating to a male audience."

This is relevant to her example: "I was working with a female leader who hated public speaking. One of her company's values was collaboration. So, we worked out how she could run a series of connected conversations to communicate her message." She modelled that collaborative value by sitting in small conversation groups with her audiences from across the organisation rather than standing at the front with a slide deck.

Janie is keen to impart the lesson learned: "Everyone is different and has different strengths and preferences. We can find what works for each one by listening to them."

Make deeper contact

As always, we ask for a pearl of wisdom from our guest for you to ponder after reading. Janie believes that one in particular will make a substantial difference in the workplace. "Everyone needs to go back to their roots. We need to make deeper contact, concentrate on the simplicity of conversation, and listen fully to colleagues. By doing so, we can truly connect."

She also calls for connection with more kindness and generosity rather than making everything about getting stuff done.

For someone passionate about listening, it is perhaps not surprising that Janie would ask us to listen more to create better connections and deeper relationships. This advice would benefit us all at home, with colleagues, and with customers. It is a powerful manifesto for us all to support.