Listening - The First Step Towards Leadership

Year 1996: I recall an instance from my early days as an entrepreneur, when I opened a restaurant in Bikaner with a business partner. In many ways, he was able to run the restaurant effectively, but he struggled with accounting and finance. As a result, he asked if I could take it on. Finance and Accounting were not my strong suits as an engineer, but after seeing his determination to lead on other fronts, I decided to take on the challenge. And it all worked out brilliantly in the end for both of us. The restaurant is still in fantastic condition after twenty-six years, and my understanding of finance helps me tremendously in what I do today.??

Year 2000: I was 26 years old when I founded a design institute. My team and I had arranged a marketing event at a military base. We made a reservation and decided to arrive early at the site to set up and plan everything. As the event progressed, each of us became concerned that we were not being treated with respect and that we were being left out. I was so concentrated on creating business opportunities from this event that I didn't pay attention to how poorly we were treated and how it damaged my team's well-being. I went ahead and did it anyhow, completely ignoring the experience we were getting. A few days later, we did not receive a single customer and the whole event was a complete failure.?

In the above-shared experiences, I want to emphasize importance of listening skills because more effectively we?listen, more efficiently we?can act. ?

Listening is not only paying attention to verbal communication but also becoming aware of what the people around us require in a specific situation. Effective listening provides us with clarity and the ability to act effectively. In the second event, I didn't fully listen to the people around me, and the consequences were poor, despite my best intentions, whereas in the first incident, everything went smoothly because I listened and chose the path that I intended. ?

Sometimes I wonder how different our lives would have been if there was a dedicated class for listening in schools and kindergarten, just like there is for other subjects, such as language. Looking back on our early schooling days, we can see that language classes were primarily focused on teaching us how to speak and write. We assumed that listening was something that came naturally to us. That’s where I see the biggest struggle is to be effective in working with people.?

You may have heard of the game "Chinese Whisper." As children, we used to sit in a circle and each child was expected to secretly pass on the word to the child sitting next to it. The child listens to the message and then passes it on to the next child, and so on, until the message reaches the circle's last member. Surprisingly, the message that was initially shared was completely changed by the time it reached the last child in the circle. We used to laugh at how different the meanings were in the end when we compared the two texts. We had no idea that what we were laughing at would later be found as a big social challenge. ?

Why is Listening So Critical??

"Speech is silver, silence is gold," as the adage goes. With personal broadcasting taking over the art of conversation, we have honestly forgotten how to practice silence and listening. One major reason to listen is our own wellbeing. We all have a natural desire to be connected and feel a sense of belonging. Good social relationships in life are essential for happy existence, and we can't achieve that in absence of active listening. We may not always comprehend why people don't understand us or why we feel lonely. Active listening, in my opinion, is the key to a healthy social life and, finally, our own well-being.???

Another important factor is that we owe the speaker our listening. We're already physically present, so diverting ourselves from the conversation is a waste of our time and the time of others.?

One major benefit of listening that I have discovered is that it is the most effective way to learn. Listening to the people around us, the circumstances around us, and our own heart is the first step to becoming aware of what is required and needed to be effective in life. We can learn to deliver what is required and needed once we are present, and that is when the journey to leadership begins. Listening allows us to put ourselves in other people's shoes and gain a new perspective on life. Listening, in my view, also fosters empathy and compassion for others when we pay attention to the hidden message others are seeking to communicate.?

When we listen carefully to the other person, we have the opportunity to take the conversation beyond words and pick up on any underlying message or expression that words often miss.

If Critical, Why Don’t We Listen??

Noise is a big factor in why we don't listen. The noise could be coming from within or from outside. There are four types of noise that can make it difficult to listen:??

Physical Noise - Voices and sounds saturate our surroundings with physical noise. We can still receive the core of the message communicated to us if we listen carefully.?

Psychological Noise - Thoughts filling our head with noise. This can take the shape of daydreaming, judging and evaluating, anticipating a particular outcome, or simply waiting for our turn to speak. This form of noise is completely under our control, and we just need to put in enough effort to get rid of it.???

Physiological Noise - When we are unwell or in pain, our brain is filled with noise. We have complete control over this as well, unless our bodies can no longer battle illness.??

Semantic Noise - Noise that fills our ears with unfamiliar phrases or an accent that is difficult to comprehend. This type of noise is just temporary, and with constant listening practice, it can be reduced.??

We may think we are good listeners, but in most of the cases, it is really a case of waiting for our chance to speak up.??

How to Enhance Listening?

If we need to create a curriculum for listening, these are the chapters that I would include:?

1.?????Paraphrasing what the other person has spoken to us in our own words. Check with the person to see whether we understood everything correctly.??

2.?????Before making any statements, ask as many questions as possible to ensure that we fully get what the other person is saying. This will provide?an experience to the speaker that we listened to him/her, and the listener will gain a greater understanding of the situation.??

3.?????Practice active listening and being present by looking in others eyes, nodding your head, and making facial gestures. Closely watch your own thoughts and resist the urge to participate in them.??

4.?????Create and share our context about the conversations and action items so that the speaker understands that not only have we understood what is being expressed, but also that we have established clarity for the path forward.??

One thing that I want to clarify is “Listening is not equal to agreeing.” Listening entails fully comprehending the world of another person before deciding on our way to proceed. Those actions may be similar or completely different to what the other person is saying, but following the four steps outlined above will ensure that the individual feels listened. I've noticed that when someone listens to me empathetically, gives their perspective, and then takes action based on that, I'm always fine. In this situation, I'm also paying more attention to them and trying to figure out "WHY" they're acting the way they are. Listening does not imply agreement, just as sharing does not imply imposing. It provides a platform for healthy conversation, and only healthy conversations can allow others to choose freely what they want to achieve in their lives without making others feel small or wrong.?

LISTEN – LEARN – LEAD

At In Time Tec, we have a mural that states, "LISTEN – LEARN – LEAD" created by my friend and business partner, Jeet. I have noticed that we all have desire to be effective leaders, whether at work or at home. The type of leadership I am referring to is one that is effective for the people around us in any situation and is unrelated to any role or title. We are more likely to respond wisely and without bias when we actually listen to what others have to say rather than looking for our own survival or becoming consumed by our own noise. It is like dancing in conversation, which most of us need to practice.??

Active listening creates a lot of room for fresh learning based on the situation and the people around us. Learn to be present in the other person's world and in the scenario. Learn to develop clarity about what the need is in that situation, and learn to deliver that with practice to be consistent in every situation. We develop empathy and compassion for others by mindfully listening and learning with an individual or a team and any given situation to deliver consistently whatever is required and needed, allows us to emerge as leaders. That is the key to achieve our dreams, fulfill the dreams of people around us and lead a happy and fulfilled life.