Listening Closely - The Truth is Enough

A favorite resource of mine is Joe Slatter, friend and colleague, thought partner and project collaborator for several years. CEO and Founder of Better Practice[1], he offers wise counsel on how to collaborate well – to figure out what matters most, make good decisions together, and execute well on them. The tools to learn, practice, and embody this include context-setting perspectives, metacollaborative concepts, guiding principles, and a problem-solving device to guide systematically examining causal variables.

Another impactful colleague (and friend) is Bob Dunham, CEO and Founder of the Institute for Generative Leadership[2]. I’ve known Bob for almost 40 years through our shared educational experiences in ontological coaching and generative leadership. I studied with him as a participant and program coach in his Coaching Excellence in Organizations (CEO) program. In fact, I’ve been a program coach since its inception 14 years ago.

Over the past year or two, I’ve noticed that I haven’t been quite as enthused about my program coach participation. It has nothing to do with the program quality. While there are several contributing factors, I know that my feelings are a good indicator of what’s important to me. It’s really useful if/when I am listening, more so if/when I am curious to know more and understand better.

With a two-year collaborative project coming to completion, I had a chance to listen, understand, and decide what I wanted to do next. It became clear when I spoke with my colleague, friend, and fellow program coach Lynnette: I was complete/done with this expression of my commitment and servant leadership.

I scheduled, then held, a conversation with Andrea, the IGL US CEO, to share my decision, explain anything that needed clarification, and declare what (at least the direction of) the future might look like.

?Of interest and distinction during that conversation was my total lack of suffering. I am a loyal person; I tend to stick around. I was (and am) loyal to Bob’s work, the CEO program, and the larger community I had served. Yet, program coach wasn’t what I wanted to do.

This was a first. No internal chorus of the “itty bitty shitty committee” taking me to task. Silence and alignment.

In fact, I was operating consistent with one of Joe’s guiding principles, “The truth is enough.” I didn’t have to distort it or make it mean something else. In addition, I’ve come to find out an additional piece of the puzzle that is me. Adam Grant, an author of several books including “Think Again”, distinguishes who I am, my identity, from what my methods are. That distinction and reframe allowed me to maintain a coherent sense of self (loyal and committed to what I care most about) while pivoting and adjusting how I expressed that commitment.

I could say to Andrea that while I would no longer serve as a program coach, I was open to other ways to support the CEO community, including doing invited webinars on generative leadership topics for alumni and third-year participants. We could, and did, develop a shared understanding of what a mutually satisfying future might look like.

As I reflect now, I can see that in the dance of requests and promises, as a performer and customer, I was finally taking a stand for my own satisfaction being met. I wasn’t settling for simply getting (or giving) value. This is a brave new world for me, a much cleaner one even when there are trade-offs to be made.

One of the distinctions that have become more apparent to me since the pandemic is that while I no longer strive for certainty in a VUCA (volatile, uncertain, complex, ambiguous) world, I do seek clarity, even if only temporary or conditional. That clarity, whether about my values, purpose, priorities or my assessment of a current situation, guides me in my choices and orientation. No guarantees of successful outcomes, but there never were.

I wonder how you are doing about navigating the turbulent and confusing waters we find ourselves in today? How are you sorting out competing commitments and clashes of values and priorities? What are you learning along the way? Are you able to maintain a sense of realistic optimism? If so, how do you do that? Please share and add to this important conversation.

#selfleadership #designyourlife #alignment

[1] www.betterpractice.com

[2] www.generativeleadership.co