The listeners club

Have you heard about these clubs - Core Club New York, Capital Club Dubai, Yacht Club De Monaco, The Battery San Francisco, The Hurlington Club London, SoHo House Barcelona or The Australian Club Sydney? They are some of the coveted clubs where memberships are hard to get. The likes of famous sports stars or US Presidents or Hollywood stars frequent them. The fee per year is quite steep and an entry into one of these is worn as a badge of honour. Now, here is my question to you....heard about 'The Listeners Club?' possibly you haven't and google isn't going to throw up anything exciting either. Because, it is a club that is free for all yet few subscribe to it or rather wish to qualify for a membership. Wondering why? Well, listeners are few and far in between. It is a trait that is hard to cultivate but if you do, rest assured you will be one among the rare species on earth.

A couple of weeks back, I watched a very famous journalist interviewing a special correspondent from his own team on a topic of national interest. The journalist after asking a question had his head down wading through his notes possibly preparing his next question than pay attention to what the correspondent had to say. Considering his wealth of knowledge, I would have thought a conversation with deeper questions or adding insights would have lent the interview a much needed spark. I am not trying to conclude that the journalist is a poor listener, just that the flow indicated an urgency to move to the next than to dig deep. The reason I narrated the above example is that in most interactions I have been in over the years, I have witnessed a large majority squirming in their seats itching to speak. A point or two that was made was largely ignored. How did I find this out? Well, I had to repeat myself in subsequent interactions to questions that I had answered earlier or even several times over. Had they listened, it would have registered.

Recently in a rather informal gathering, I saw a gentleman (name him first) approaching another (name him second) seeking help with a problem he had. As a natural course for a conversation, the right way was for the first to explain the problem (with a crisp background) and listen in to the answer. The monologue from first went on for a long time where he was largely explaining all his accomplishments, riches and everything from the relevant (quite less) to the largely irrelevant to an extent that he actually forgot the question he had in his mind. The second had to sit processing all the information passed on over twenty minutes without knowing what to do with it. He realised it was futile to spend more time and excused himself saying he had an important call to make. The phone always comes to the rescue right?

A couple of years back, an investment banker came over to our office for a discussion. While one of my colleagues was making a presentation, the banker was constantly punching something on his phone. We had to stop mid way to ask him if we should continue to which he said, he was taking notes. Possibly that is one way to make notes, but it gave the people in the room a feeling that they weren't being heard. I find this happening all too often. Many meetings I have been to, the people present either get their laptops along or keep peeping into their phones in the garb of being all too busy. They even make it a point to mention that they are looking at their screens but they are listening. Really? Genuinely hope so.

Want a membership in the listeners club? Here are a few things you can practise (I am not perfect either....but I try)

1. Maintain eye contact and acknowledge with a nod or a yes to what is being spoken. If you want something repeated, you can politely raise your hand or indicate that you want to listen to it once again.
2. Good to take notes if there are interesting things spoken. It is tough for a human brain to process or remember after a couple of days.
3. Distractions are seriously avoidable - phones, laptops in meetings or conversations are strict no no.
4. If you have additional insights on a topic under discussion, better to put them forth. It may bring an additional perspective or an idea that hasn't been explored yet.
5. It is possible you may not have much information about a topic. Better to admit that you aren't well informed on the subject and that you don't mind listening from the very beginning. Processing information becomes easier when there is a bit of familiarity.
6. An expression less face is hard to digest. A smile when needed, a curious look, a questioning look or an acknowledging look brings a conversation alive. An element of empathy where needed or raising a pointed question where you disagree is important.
7. Disagreement is not putting someone down, it is a point of view that helps further a discussion. It is hard to set aside prejudice or bias all the time but the measure of it shouldn't irk the other person or the group involved.
8. There is no harm checking with someone if they are free to listen to what you have to say. It is possible they are preoccupied in which case seek a time when they would be free. You don't have to feel offended here.
9. Last but not the least, a listener is sought after. The whole world is putting their point of view through social media, a listener is the key missing element.

Keen to hear what you think.

Thank you for reading.