Listen to Receive Not React!

“When you talk, you are only repeating what you already know. But if you listen, you may learn something new.” ―?The Dalai Lama

Dear Friend,

In a world that is ever distracted and longing for your attention, I am trying each week to shorten this newsletter to a state where I can share a story, inspire you to think, and leave you with a question in the least amount of words. Let's begin our conversation today.

Let me take you back 15 years to my physiotherapy days (and if you don't know that story, listen to?this video), as a doctor you truly believe that you know it all. As soon as the patient would start to speak, within 15-20 seconds, I would have a diagnosis and a solution for them and instead of listening, I was ready to react and share my precious advice. My advice monster was raring to go. Over the years, I learned how the skill of a doctor lies not in the actual treatment but in making the patient feel heard and then treating the symptoms as shared by them. Listening was critical.

Listening seems to be an easy thing to do. Two ears, the other person is speaking and all you need to do is to pay attention and hear them out. Easy peasy! But it is easier said than done. When the other person is speaking, here's what a pseudo-listener is going through -

1. Waiting for them to stop and share their advice
2. Share their story instead, it is far more interesting
3. Nodding their head repeatedly?
4. Adding some filler words
5. Thinking about their last meal
6. Texting or visualizing that Insta reel!
7. And I could keep going...

Behavior change is not easy so I am not going to challenge us here with a lot. All I want us to do when we are speaking with someone and trying to truly listen is three things -?

1. Look Into Their Eyes When you look into a person's eyes, you are connecting with them at a deeper level. They say that eyes are the windows to one's soul. So in a way, you are connecting with their soul. This will also force you to pay attention to them and what is being said fully.
2. Stay a Little More 'Empathetically' Curious Before you let the advice monster come out and take over, stay curious... just a little more. The story they are sharing with you is important to them and maybe instead of your advice, all they want is a listening ear. Someone to show empathetic curiosity!
3. Empower them with Questions If you could learn the art of right questioning, then your conversations will be transformed. A good question to ask anyone who is sharing their challenges with you would be, "What is the real challenge here for you?" and follow it up with, "What else?". Questions allow the other person to dig deep and find new data points to help them problem solve. They would go out feeling heard and relieved, and you would have added value to their life.

Now let's turn the lens towards you -?How are you doing in terms of your listening skills? What would you do differently after reading this? BTW, did you really read this or were you also thinking about that stunning Insta reel you watched a while ago??

I would love to listen to you and your story - may be even hold the space for you. Reach out to me if you need two attentive listening ears. :)

Warmly,?

Utkarsh

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