Listen More Than You Speak

In the heat of vigorous debate, directors often become fixated on being heard and proving a point. However, excellence around the table comes not from talking but from listening. Buddha observed,

"We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak."

Making listening a priority expands understanding, uncovers insights, and aligns decisions with organisational needs. Yet truly listening, with an open mind, full presence, and curiosity, represents a discipline requiring intention, practice and courage, and sadly, all too often absent from the table.

Defining Deep Listening

Many equate listening with silent presence. However, listening transcends simply not speaking. Deep listening involves:

• Attending with your full being - not just ears, eyes, mind and heart. Give complete attention.
• Suspending judgment and personal agenda to comprehend another's perspective without distortion. Allow yourself to be changed by what you hear.
• Connecting to the feeling behind the words. Listen for meaning, not just facts.
• Silencing your inner voice to suppress assumptions and fully concentrate on the speaker.
• Waiting patiently for clarity. Do not interrupt or finish others' sentences.
• Probing tactfully with thoughtful questions to deepen understanding.
• Reflect on what you heard to confirm accurate understanding.
• Integrating insights across sources to discern key themes and revelations.

This mindful approach produces breakthrough insights and solutions. It builds trust and cohesion, which are critical for effective governance.

Overcoming Barriers to Deep Listening

While deep listening may seem straightforward in theory, ingrained habits often inhibit directors from embodying it in practice. Listening becomes superficial when egos attach to being heard, or the desire to critique outpaces the patience to comprehend. Board members must vigilantly monitor their own tendencies that obstruct profound listening. Common barriers include:

• Compulsive talking - Ego satisfaction from speaking overtakes learning from listening.
• Multi-tasking - Superficial listening while distracted by technology or wandering thoughts.
• Judging too quickly - Critiquing the message without comprehending it fully.
• Identifying - Relating everything heard to your own experience rather than seeing a fresh perspective.
• Sparring - Listening simply to refute or build counterarguments rather than understand.
• Derailing - Shifting the focus to your agenda rather than staying with the speaker's train of thought.
• Impatience - Waiting restlessly for your turn to talk rather than settling into patient presence.
• Closed-mindedness - Rejecting ideas that challenge your worldview rather than allowing growth.

To counter these habits, directors must cultivate listening as an active process centred on understanding, not just passive hearing. In doing so, they will also have a profound effect and impact away from the table around the wider organisation and with stakeholders.

Wisdom Emerges From Listening to the Collective

On well-functioning boards, the wisdom of the group surpasses any individual member. This collective intelligence emerges through leaders listening intently to each other. Every director offers a unique lens; synthesising their perspectives leads to optimal solutions. Good leaders talk when they have something meaningful to share and listen when others have wisdom to impart.

Yet many fall into an illusion of superiority where they undervalue listening. Directors must remain ever humble about the limits of their knowledge. The right answer could come from anyone if you are open to it. No matter one's status, listening sensitively to all voices ensures that decisions resonate both intellectually and emotionally.

Listening Builds Trust and Cohesion

Listening actively demonstrates respect, care, and inclusion, building trust that is critical for robust debate. Leaders seen as good listeners gain admirers, not adversaries. They win through influence rather than control.

Conversely, failing to listen deteriorates trust and divides teams. When people feel ignored, they disengage or turn disruptive. This applies equally to internal colleagues and external stakeholders. Discord arises when decision-makers turn deaf ears to those impacted.

Leaders must also listen "between the lines" to discern unspoken subtexts and emotions. The most powerful communication occurs through subtle tones and nuances. Listening at this deeper level prevents misalignments and fractures.

Mastering Whole Body Listening

Whole-body listening is the practice of engaging your entire physical presence in the listening process, not just your ears. It means being fully attentive to a speaker using all of your senses.

Rather than just passively hearing the words someone says, whole-body listening involves cultivating active awareness of what both your body and the speaker's body are communicating through subtle cues. These can include eye contact, facial expressions, tone of voice, posture, hand gestures and overall demeanour.

By tuning into these unspoken signals, you can better understand what and how something is being communicated. Whole-body listening allows you to connect more profoundly with the full message and intent behind the words.

This style of full-presence listening demonstrates that you are giving complete attention to the speaker. You are listening for content and emotional undertones that enrich understanding. It also fosters openness and trust, facilitating more open and meaningful dialogue.

Mastering whole-body listening requires mindful presence, emotional intelligence and intentional nonverbal signalling that you are fully engaged. The rewards for this effort are richer personal connections and improved communication.

Truly connecting with others requires engaging all senses with alert mindfulness:

• Eye contact: Maintain an open, relaxed gaze to convey focus and interest. Avoid distraction and wandering eyes.
• Facial cues: Let your expressions signal your attention and reactions honestly. Nod, smile or furrow your brows.
• Body language: Turn fully, lean in slightly and position yourself at an angle that invites dialogue. Avoid crossed arms and distant posture.
• Tone and pacing: Use an encouraging tone and reflective pace. Avoid sounding rushed, impatient or insincere.
• Reflection: Periodically summarise what you're hearing to show understanding. Seek clarification on ambiguities.
• Openness: Remain receptive to the full message. Don't busy your mind preparing counterarguments. Listen without interruption.
• Curiosity: Ask clarifying and exploratory questions to deepen understanding. Avoid interrogating.
• Attention: Listen to not just the facts but the feelings conveyed. Note passion, frustrations, and values.
• Presence: Stay focused on the present moment. Don't drift into analysing, judging or problem-solving.
• Patience: Allow space and silence for deeper insights to emerge. Don't rush to fill gaps.
• Stillness: Avoid unnecessary fidgeting and physical movements that can distract.

Directors must hone this whole body listening to guide organisations sensitively. Even informal conversations contain invaluable insights when you listen with your whole being.

Silence to Listen

Equally important as active listening is knowing when to offer the gift of silence. Resist the urge to immediately fill quiet space after raising a difficult issue or listening to a heartfelt story. Offer it generously and wait patiently for the speaker to fill it first. Silence allows perspectives to surface and settle fully.

Leaders also undermine listening by improperly interrupting silence. Jumping in anxiously or abruptly cuts off meaning before it fully emerges. Trust in the natural pace of authentic expression.

Listening First, Then Leading

In a crisis or emotional conflict, the instinctive reaction is to respond swiftly. However, wise leaders instead listen intently first, then respond deliberately. Listening defuses tension rather than escalating it. It uncovers root issues needing compassion, not containment.

When facing resistance, listening melts walls. You disarm opponents when you make them feel deeply heard. Listening also prevents misguided actions that exacerbate crises.

Ultimately, governing with wisdom requires leading with listening. Talk less, listen more. The inner silence that enables deep listening connects groups to profound truths greater than any individual. Amidst noisy opinions, still, your mind to hear what is not said. The answers you seek are already within those you serve. Listen and lead from that sacred place of unity.

The Bottom Line

Though talk is cheap, listening is priceless. The most powerful leaders distinguish themselves not by brilliance of speech but by sensitivity of hearing. They know truth emerges from whole body listening. Suppress the urge to assert yourself and focus intently on comprehending those around you. Listen patiently for the wise word quietly beneath noisy debates. Allow others to teach and transform you. With the humility to listen, breakthrough understanding will unfold.

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