Listen, Learn, Thrive: The Wisdom of Silence

I’m an avid reader of self-help books. To date, I’ve read dozens, including The Compound Effect, The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari, Who Will Cry When You Die, The Leader Who Had No Title, The Power of Habit, and How to Make Friends & Influence People. The list goes on.

The purpose of being such a voracious reader in this genre is simple: I want to improve myself, learn from others’ experiences before making the same mistakes, and become more productive.

Among all the self-help advice I’ve encountered, one lesson stands out as incredibly transformative: listen more, talk less. It sounds simple, but it’s far from easy.

Most of us derive pleasure from talking. Whether it’s dominating a conversation or ranting about “how bad the food was at a wedding,” the urge to speak often subdues our discipline.

Worse, when friends gather, gossip inevitably sneaks into the conversation. It might last only a minute, but somehow, discussions feel incomplete without it.

Now the point I’m trying to make here, whether you have tons of knowledge to share or you are a bragger who can’t sit quietly for more than a minute, you need to talk less and listen more.

“When you talk, you are only repeating what you already know. But if you listen, you may learn something new.” Dalai Lama

So, how can you suppress the urge to talk more and improve your listening skills?

How to Talk Less and Listen More

Be a Learner

There’s no shame in acknowledging that your knowledge is limited. Nobody knows everything. What’s embarrassing is trying to sound like an expert when you’re not. When you know little about a subject, lean in, listen carefully, and gain some free wisdom. Being a learner is far more rewarding than pretending to know it all.

Speak Where It Matters

Being a “good guy”, I try to intervene in any situation whenever I see two strangers on the road having a row over something, and I can sense the situation escalating to a physical fight. But poor me, not every time I get the attention, and the arguers even pretend that I’m not even present there — seriously man, I’m trying to mediate.

Now, I prioritize my time and energy. If my words won’t make a difference, I stay silent and focus on more meaningful things. The same principle applies to family gatherings and corporate meetings: if your input isn’t valued, listen instead of speaking.

I’m not suggesting you become a spectator when two strangers on the road are having a verbal fight over a small accident or any trivial issue. But make sure if you try to intervene they listen to you. Or else, it’s not worth intervening.

Pretend to Be Dumb Around Elders

At Pakistani weddings, I often find myself seated with older folks in their 50s and 60s. While they discuss politics, business, or life experiences, I sit quietly, absorbing their wisdom. Listening to people who’ve lived through different eras and challenges can provide insights no school or university ever will.

Free food + Free knowledge = The perfect wedding party.

When you bump into a group of elders and experienced folks, pretend to be dumb and consume as much knowledge as much you can. Often, their company teaches you more than your 16 years of education.

The Takeaway

In a world full of talkers, gossipers, and braggers, be the one who listens. You’ll notice the change: better decision-making, lessons learned from others’ mistakes, and conserved energy for what truly matters.

Sounds easy? It's not. The art of listening is all about discipline, watch out where you speak and why. Do a self-assessment of your daily conversations at the end of the day and impartially identify where you spoke more than you ought to.

Just like any other skill, listening gets better with practice.