Listen to Learn

By Lindy Earl

We all know what we know but we don’t know what we don’t know. It’s a cute line, but is it helpful?

It’s nice to feel important and share our knowledge, but we don’t learn as much when we’re the ones talking. Yes, when you offer encouragement to others, you’ll often encourage yourself as well. As you explain and teach, insights might become clear to you. You may even have an epiphany.

More often, however, you need to listen to learn. Think of all the knowledge that you absorbed in school when you listened to your teachers, and consider what information you missed when you were distracted.

I think in today’s world, too often distractions keep us from hearing what is being said. You simply cannot be focused on a conversation if you’re checking your phone. So the first step to learning is to really listen. Focus your attention on the conversation. It’s also polite.

Listen to what is being said. Are any specific words important? Does somebody really HATE or LOVE something, whether it’s a new car or the meal they ate the night before? Do they truly have such strong emotions, or are they emotional communicators?

Yes, we need to know how the people in our lives communicate. Some will say very little, but manage to communicate with a nod of the head or a shrug of their shoulders. So, you need to listen to body language. Check their facial expressions. Are there tears in their eyes, thus in their words?

There was a term, in the olden days, about schooling our features. It simply means to not let your reaction show on your face before you choose how to respond verbally. Our expressions often betray our first reactions, when we would be better off taking a minute to choose our response.

Is the person with whom you’re speaking comfortable or in some way twitchy? Are they in a hurry? Timing is important in communication. You need to choose when to talk. Being a morning person, the best time to have a serious conversation with me is over morning coffee. I’m at my best. Please do not share serious or sad information late in the day. I’m less apt to receive it well.

Hunger, tiredness, distractions, and interest can all affect how well we are listening. Intentionally seek these clues. You can solve them all with a question: Would you rather talk about this later, or maybe not at all? There you go.

Conversations are a two way street, so even as you listen for meanings behind the words you can, and should, ask for clarity. Now, please be careful to not put words in other peoples’ mouths. Listen to what is being said, rephrase it without adding your own thoughts, for clarification.

This is the time to listen to tone, and be careful of your own tone. Even a short sentence can change in meaning, based on the way it is said. A statement can become a question simply by changing the way we give voice to our words.

As you practice communication techniques, you’ll improve your skills. I recall asking my son, when he was a teenager, about his plans for the day, and he felt that I was being intrusive. We realized that my real question was whether he was going to be home for supper. It was an easy fix – he no longer felt that I was overstepping and I had my answer.

As you listen to really learn, you will be better informed and able to respond intelligently. You might start enjoying conversations more, as you are really engaged in them, versus making them a secondary activity.?