Listen: Conflict Resolution Step 1

This is an excerpt is from the complete guide on 'How to Deal with Angry Guests" that is available for FREE download at this link https://www.thegmcoach.com/free-training

LISTEN.

"Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply." --Stephen R. Covey

LISTENing is the first step and by far the most important step.  At the end of the day, there are 2 things about people who become emotionally separated from reality. I don’t know which of these comes first or if it is simultaneous, but one is that we want to be heard and the other is we think we are right. Dale Carnegie wrote in his book all the way, way back in 1925 ‘How to Win Friends & Influence People’ in Chapter 1. Everyone thinks they are right and I have learned first hand that conflict will continue until one side gives in. The concession could be by choice or by force, but that's the raw facts about a conflict. I choose to be the one who gives in from the beginning and absorb the friction, the displeasure, and the hostility. This means that when you approach the guest you can’t act as this event is no big deal. For instance, if you are a manager at a steakhouse you will see a certain number of over and undercooked steaks. You can say, “This happens all the time, you should calm down and just eat that steak the way we served it” But I feel confident that won’t keep the paycheck rolling in. Meaning your employment will be terminated ‘on the fly’. Everyone should act as this mistake of a mistaken cooked steak is a very rare case and handle each case with great care and concern. Some puns intended.

In this section, we will discuss how to LISTEN properly and how LISTENing gives us an upper hand in dealing with upset people.

How to LISTEN.

1. Don’t take it personally. This is crucial and challenging all at the same time. The guest may be emotionally hijacked aka overreacting or even pissed off.
2. Don’t interrupt the guest. Allow the guest to complete their thought and get this off their chest better yet, don’t interrupt the guest. Listen, til the guest has finished talking.
3. Maintain eye contact with appearing you are trying to stare them down. Yes, you will need to break eye contact. Use the 50/70 rule. To maintain appropriate eye contact without guests feeling like they have entered into a grade school staredown, you should maintain eye contact for half the time or 50 percent of the time while speaking and 70% of the time while listening. This helps to display that you are interested in the reason they are angry and confidence in that you can solve the problem.
4. Make sure the guest knows this is the important task you must attend to at this moment. This should be a given, but needs to be said anyway. Don’t pull out your cell phone or allow any distractions. If another employee or guest tries to get your attention either focus on this guest to the point that everyone knows this is more important or kindly say ‘excuse me’ to the complaining guest then tell the person interrupting you that you will be with them in a couple of minutes. Then, promptly return to LISTENing.
5. Use positive and open body language such as a slight lean in or if your restaurant is casual enough you can choose to kneel down next to the table to get on the guests level. Nod your head up and down and don’t be a bump on a log if asked a question respond appropriately. For me, it’s a signal to the team and my brain that I am listening to completion is my hands are clasped behind my back. Do not fold arms, cross arms or put your hands in your pockets. Body Language is over  90% of how we communicate and sending the incorrect signal by mistake can submarine the entire effort. At one hotel restaurant that was rough around the edges if I crossed my arms it was signal to the other managers to call the cops.

What are you LISTENing for?

1. Content: What actually happened? What went wrong?
2. The emotional level and disconnection from reality the guest has. Remember, this is their perception of what happened and maybe a ways from the truth. Understanding the emotional level of the guest will greatly assist you in the next step LABEL. Log this in your memory while listening for content.
3. What experience from my personal past can I convert into an empathy statement?

Since you’re doing all the LISTENing...what kind of talkers are on the other end?

1. The Schmuck. There is the person that just wants to tell you what went wrong and how much you and the restaurant sucks.  Then, without a chance to respond they turn and walk away. This is my least favorite kind of asshole. Depending on the level of entitlement of your average customer this type of person could be up to 20% of your guests.
2. The Repeater. While LISTENing the guest just tells you what happens over and over.  At some point, you have to step in with a LABEL or skip to EMPATHY.
3. The Over-reactor. The emotion attached to what went wrong is exponentially larger than the infraction made at the restaurant. In the RESOLVE step, you will need to overcompensate the guest for what went wrong. Once I issued a $50 gift card for a missed $9 birthday dessert. It was totally our fault but not a $50 mistake even if the lady was turning 73. Maybe she was really a #5 Player aka a freeloader?
4. The Low-Key Complainer. The first sentence is almost always, ‘I don’t want anything for free’. This guest just wants to let you know what happened so it won't happen to the next person in line.
5. The player - who just wants something for free. You know the type.

What NOT to do.

These are some of the mistakes I have made over the years

1. Don’t cut the guest short or interrupt because you’re too busy. (this is worth repeating)
2. If you do ever cut the LISTEN short for whatever reason. No matter what do not skip the EMPATHY statement and say ‘I am sorry’ because something like “NO, you don’t!” will come flying right back from the guest. This is real and you just made a bad thing a lot worse.
3. Don’t say things like OK (or any nonchalant actions even if you are caught off guard) right after they tell you what went wrong or that make it seem like you don’t care.

Group Training LISTEN Exercise

1. Have the team pair up in groups of 2.
2. One person in the group is going to talk about a bad experience that they had at a business. There is no requirement for this bad experience being in hospitality and/or restaurants. But it helps.
3. Since this is a listening exercise one person must listen to the other for 2 minutes using the teaching above.

Exercise Instructions

1. Set timer for 2 min. Start the exercise.
2. Ask the people who did the talking/storytelling about the poor experience and how they felt? Was this easy or hard to get this off your chest for 2 min?
3. Ask the people who had to listen for 2 whole min without interrupting?

This is a simulation and in a rather easy environment versus the heat of the moment when the team member could have made the mistake that caused the guest to be upset.

The 2 in each team will switch roles later in another exercise and then the person who listened now get to tell their story.

In the 11 years, I have used this style of turnaround method I have taken more reps than I would like to admit. Repetition in the LLEARNT method as with anything new is imperative to success.

Practice. Practice. Practice. With your team and on your team when they get upset about the requested days off you denied.