Listen to Advice —?But Don't Always Follow It

As soon as I read this question, I could hear his voice. I had just transferred to the University of California – Berkeley and was trying to zero in on my future studies. I liked math, especially statistics, and wanted to pursue it more. I especially liked the way numbers had their own truth, the way they could tell a story. I wanted to learn more.

All that ended abruptly on the day that the dean unleashed his dose of professorial advice.  I can’t remember his exact words, but the message was loud and clear: “Don’t major in statistics; you don’t have the grades; try something less demanding.”

As a young woman, I believed this man – and abandoned all hopes of becoming a mathematician. Was he right or wrong about my abilities? Honestly, I don’t know (although I suspect he was wrong, given that I went on to have a successful career in finance). But I definitely know that he was wrong to discourage me from finding out. As my advisor, he was wrong to do anything that would undermine my confidence and curiosity as a student.

Recently, when I was relating this experience to a group of colleagues, many starting nodding their heads with empathy. One especially talented young woman revealed that her high school guidance counselor had tried to steer her (unsuccessfully, thank goodness) away from college. A straight-A college student who eventually earned her master’s degree in international development, and a strong contributor to my team at Schwab, she had been told that she was better suited to beauty school.  

Another colleague told us that as a third-grader she had been told to sit in the back row of art class because she had “no talent.” Over fifty years later, she still panicked at the thought of trying to “draw something.”

The point of all of these stories is recognizing how much power others can wield over us. Good advice, bad advice. It almost doesn’t matter. Especially when we’re young and impressionable, we want to believe that someone else will be able to guide us in the right direction. We look outside ourselves for the correct answers.

And therein lies the fallacy. My advice – for whatever it’s worth – is to not always follow advice. Look inside yourself for your answers.  Yes, it’s smart to seek guidance from others who are in a position to know more than you do. And yes, it helps to consider different perspectives, ideas and points of view. But don’t let anyone discourage you from pursuing something (or someone) that you love. Don’t let anyone trample your curiosity. At the end of the day, listen to yourself.

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