Lip Service

Over the years I have learnt to not trust women.

And for those who know me well, they would say I have very good reasons to not trust women.

Losing $90k worth of contracts from 3 female clients within a 3 month window because they either couldn't deliver on their own promises to themselves, couldn't keep the pace of the project they said they wanted to be part of,

Or because they were simply waxing lyrical in front of others but when it came to putting their money where their mouth was, they could't deliver.

It was a hard pill to swallow; and not because of the money.

But because the women betrayed themselves and the promise they made to themselves.

I am blessed and fortunate to have the self-belief and determination to not allow this to seriously impact my life or my business, although it did take some serious self reflection as to why I called these women in, and how I could prevent it happening again in the future.

Many women simply play lip service on posts and articles many of us have written to impress upon others. We want to be seen to be being seen.

We want others to know we are working with such a well respected coach, and we like the idea of working with coaches, but very often the reality proves to be a reality we are just not ready for.

As women we betray each other and ourselves on a daily basis, in relationships, sisterhood, the workplace and in the wider community, and then we expect bosses, governments and men to recognise our rights.

When it comes down to it, many women who declare the world is not fair to them are the ones who are not willing to fight for themselves, do not set up their own companies to create the income and job status they desire, and they do not take action to discover they are the common denominator in all the downfalls of their life.

Sounds harsh, but never have I had men on my client base who have sabotaged themselves to the extent that women do. Men tend to have the relentless attitude and work ethic of the alphas, hence why women like myself are considered alpha females and very much in our masculine.

Since when did going after our dreams, and being relentless in our pursuit have to have a gender assigned to it?

Many of the examples I have used above may well only be relevant in the first world in some people's minds, but having lived and worked with the women of the Arab world, in Latin America and women from the South Asian communities, I can honestly say they have shown more grit and determination to succeed than the women of America, the UK and Australia.

Again, this may sounds harsh, but when women charge the same amount or less for their services than it would cost for a burger, fries and soft drink for a family of 4, you really do have to wonder at their levels of self worth and business acumen.

By now, there are women who are reading this and getting really rather angry with me, but the thing is, they know deep down what I am saying is true.

Why is it women from India and Pakistan, two countries which have poor education facilities for women, and some of the worst human rights violations in the world when it comes to women, go on to succeed and live a life women in 'the West' could only dream of?

Why is it the women in Nuweiba (Egypt) all work together to build co-operatives and export their goods to the rest of the world? And then build schools, hospitals and adult education centres which serve their communities and each other?

Whilst the women in the working and middle classes of the Western World sit and complain that their bosses don't pay them enough and they don't have access to training...

... when the internet is full of free training products and libraries are full of study books but are left unread on the book shelves.

And women like myself write books sharing our journey to success so other women can own their ovaries and succeed... all for less than $20 a book.

Why is it, we as women are not achieving the success of the women who created global social movements in the early 1900's such as the suffragettes?

Or the women in the mid 1800's who joined the antislavery movements such as Lucy Stone and Abby Kelley Foster?

And what about the female sailors of the 1700's such as Anne Bonny and Mary Reed who stowed away to sea, dressed as men because they wanted in on the action at sea?

As women we have the ability to create and grow life inside of us, and yet we fail to create the life we want because we do not go after what we want and ask for the jobs, clients and the investment fees our expertise and knowledge, not to mention persona, could demand if we simply asked for it.

The thing is we have forgotten who we are. We have forgotten the struggles our grandmothers, great grandmothers, and aunties of centuries gone by went through so we could have a better life.

We have forgotten about the women who fought for a better understanding in women's health and well-being, being burnt at the stake or drowned in a lake because the men could not, and would not believe in natural medicine.

We betray each other in friendships and sisterhood by sleeping with another woman's husband then wonder why women have trust issues and worry about the way they look, feel inadequate and threatened standing next to another woman.

A woman who sleeps with another woman's man, or woman, betrays not just the individual woman, but the entire sisterhood, and for generations to come.

For over 20 years I have had the honour to coach and mentor women in their leadership skills and the growth of their businesses, and the constant thread throughout all of these women's insecuritites has been the betrayal of another woman starting in the playground, progressing into the workplace and then into the marital home.

Some of it also stems from seeing their mother forget who she is, sacrificing herself for the family and giving up on the dreams she had, and so resulting in the daughter consciously or subconsciously choosing to not outshine their own mother.

Some women are on the reverse of that very same coin and they are so intimidated by their mother's success and beauty they give up trying to be the very best of who they are before they have even started.

Recently I met a woman here in Colombia who could not understand how I refused to be friends with her from the moment I found out that she was seeing a married man; and it wasn't the first time she had had a relationship with a married man either.

To be friend's with a woman who betrays another woman in such as way just doesn't sit well with me. I just can't be part of the betrayal to other women. I am a woman who will also put distance between myself and my male friends the moment I know he is in a relationship.

Why? Out of respect for the sisterhood.

I am also not a woman who espouses female empowerment and sisterhood, making films or writing books about female leaders and social movements to hide the very fact from myself that I am betraying another woman.

I will also not date a guy a female friend has also dated, no matter how long ago it was that she dated him.

Some say it is because I have a strong moral compass, but the truth is I simply do not wish to betray another woman.

My whole career I have made it a conscious choice to raise women up in their confidence, to help them see the beauty within themselves and to cheer them on to their very own version of success.

All over social media women declare their love for one another, celebrate each other with fake words and false promises, and yet never declare love for themselves, celebrate themselves or promise themselves the world.

And until we do, it doesn't matter how many human rights articles I could cite from the Universal Decalration of Human Rights in this article, only when we as woman honour ourselves, each other and our ancestors will we ever make progress in the realms of female empowerment and women's rights.

*To all the ladies out there who are looking for a coach to help leverage your business, expand your brand through authorship and leadership, a coach who has your back and will call you forward by calling out your self sabotage, then send me a message and let's discuss the options available to you.

#womensrights #humanrights #femaleempowerment #socialchange #udhr #harshtruths #micdrops #sisterhood #adultery #lipservice