The LinkedIn Olympics
Geoff Woliner, CPCM ????
Author, "The Path to Perfectia" series ?? / Founding Member, Octopus Movement ?? / Editor-In-Chief, The Daily Stuffing ??
Happy Friday, one and all! I'm coming to you live from the 2022 LinkedIn Olympics, where this year, we have an exciting slate of events.
Elite LinkedIn stars from all over the globe have come together in this celebration of Olympic fellowship, spirited competition and offensively transparent self-promotion.
So, without further ado, here's the rundown of events for this year's games.
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The 50 DM Dash
An event that dates back to 2012, the 50 DM dash is a challenge of speed, acceleration and persistence, to see which dipshit sales bro can be the first to send you 50 unsolicited DMs begging for a 15-minute discovery call.
Each competitor will be given three hours to complete the event, with bonus technical points awarded for each mention of "Just following up", "I hope I'm not being a pest", "Not sure if you got my last message", "Wanted to pop my head in" and "If I don't have the right person in your organization, please direct me to them so I can stop bothering you."
The American SaaS sales bro is the returning two-time gold medalist and considered the heavy frontrunner, followed closely by up-and-coming arrivals onto the Olympic scene, the the Pakistani graphic artist, Filipino virtual assistant and Ugandan orphanage director.
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The 100,000-Follower Relay
A newer event onto the LinkedIn Olympic scene, the 100,000-follower relay is a sprint to see which influencer can most quickly scale the mountain of monetized social media influence without producing any actual content. This is a test of stamina, featuring dancing for 15 seconds on Tik-Tok and doing 3-hour makeup preps that are accompanied by "This is how I authentically look when I get out of bed" introductions.
Technical points awarded for name-and-shame screenshots, any reference to, "my haters", heart-wrenching backstories and mental health advice that's roundly rejected by actual mental health practitioners.
Frontrunners for this event hail mostly from the UK, Australia and the United States, but insiders have told us to keep an eye out for a darkhorse from Bolivia.
领英推荐
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The Hi Dear Freestyle
A time-honored classic, the Hi Dear Freestyle features tactless, intrusive, aggressive messages to the women of LinkedIn from men who possess the manners and social graces of junkyard hyenas.
Each competitor will be challenged to beat the opening line of the other guy by boorishly commenting on the height, weight, eye color, accent and quite literally anything and everything of the women they target for messaging. Bonus technical points will be awarded for unsolicited pictures of each competitor's body parts.
Frontrunners for this event include competitors from the U.S., India, U.K., Nigeria, Australia, Romania, Pakistan, Egypt, Mexico, Portugal, Spain, Brazil, South Africa, Ghana, Italy, Indonesia, Singapore, Morocco, Canada, Argentina, Ireland, Kenya, Algeria, Saudi Arabia, Honduras, Russia, Moldova, UAE, Botswana, Israel, Greece, Kazakhstan, Armenia, Belarus, Belize, Chile, Ukraine, and every other member nation of the UN.
Let the games begin!!!
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Geoff Woliner, CEO of Winning Wit, is a?speaker?&?author?who helps organizations?de-stress through comedy.
If your colleagues have been super-stressed over the past few years and need a few laughs at your next conference, holiday party, team-building pow-wow or trip to Mickey D's...
...go to a medium and channel the spirit of Rodney Dangerfield.
But if he's busy, let's chat.
Cybersecurity Engineer
3 年What about the Synchronized Agree event?
??♀?I reconnect you with your inner guidance system... bridging the gap between spirituality and your practical daily life. DM to chat more.
3 年I'm pretty familiar with the 100,000 follower relayers and while that will bring much entertainment I'm really looking forward want you to hi dear freestyle. I think the women's team will really surprise us this year
SAP Professional | Warehousing & Logistics | Supply Chain Management | Life Sciences | Education | ASUG Carolinas Chapter Chair
3 年OK, I'm bummed cause I missed the opening ceremony. I'm assuming that Jeff Weiner ran the final leg into the stadium with the torch and lit the Olympic flame. I do have to point out that it's not just guys participating in the Hi Dear Freestyle. Do you any idea how many "Hi Dear" invitations I'm getting with profile pictures of attractive young women? I mean, I know they're probably created by a dude in a third world internet cafe copying pictures of attractive ladies off the internet, but still....