LIMERENCE AT WORK?

1. Do you have a work husband/wife?

2. Do you fantasize about a superior responding to you positively?

3. Do you feel extreme sadness/anger when someone does not respond to you promptly?

4. Do you enjoy habitual activities with a co-worker?

5. Do you feel jealous when they do these activities with someone else?

6. Do they intrusively pop into your thoughts?

7. Do you daydream or fantasize about a co-worker?

8. Do you wish to or enjoy chatting about emotional/personal stuff?

9. Does your mind constantly classify/categorize things you have or don't have in common?

10. Does any of the above affect your work performance?

?If you answered yes to most of these questions, you may be experiencing limerence at work. But first, let me start by saying, that I am not here to judge if it's good or bad, right or wrong. Rather it's more about helping to navigate this terrain that is usually swept under the rug or ignored at work, yet is a very real and common dilemma many employees face. Currently, it is based on qualitative data I'm receiving as I'm working with teams in high-stress work environments.

?What is Limerence?

Limerence is a term used to describe an intense infatuation or obsession with another person, typically accompanied by intrusive thoughts and fantasies first coined by Dorothy Tennov (1979). It is often characterized by a strong desire for reciprocation and a fear of rejection. Limerence can occur in various types of relationships, including romantic relationships, friendships, and often in work relationships.

?Most of my clients will tell me "I DON'T want to feel this way about ______!" I can empathize because limerence feels unhealthy to its core when it's going south, yet absolutely euphoric when you're in the throws of it. Their gut instinct tells them something feels off and they're spot on because limerence is based on reciprocation. When one person gets what they need, they will usually "adios" the other person and find another. Leaving the other person confused and hurt and developing an even deeper sense of limerence. Often the relationship never developed into anything romantic because many have romantic relationships outside of the workspace and a clear line is drawn, yet they will openly refer to their person as a "work husband or wife."

?Having a "work husband" or "work wife" is a term used to describe a close and supportive relationship with a colleague of the opposite sex. This term is often used to emphasize the emotional connection and support that can develop between two people who work closely together. While the relationship is not romantic or sexual, it can mimic some aspects of a traditional marriage, such as emotional intimacy, trust, and reliance on each other.

?Consider doing a deeper dive...

?Limerence affects your Spiritual, Social, Emotional, and Professional wellness...and can secondarily affect your physical and intellectual wellness. It is rare when one experience such as limerence can affect all 6 dimensions of your wellness (SISPEP).

?To be free from limerence it will take a commitment to self-awareness and accountability. To start, anecdotally most people who have experienced limerence or intertwined with limerence have survived a chaotic childhood where there was a lack of interest or scarcity by a caretaker. If this is you, then this is good news because you know your foundational trauma that is causing limerence to take over your thoughts. Even better news is this can be healed. The first step is identification.

Welcome. I'm glad you are here.??Stay tuned for PART 2