The "Liking Gap" – Why it matters

Human beings as quoted by psychologists and writers are a vain lot. Numerous studies suggest that we humans, while quick to find fault in others, are blind to our own quirks. Past incidents that reflect badly on us are easily forgotten, while our noble acts shine with clarity. Self-admiration greatly influence our memories and reasoning, blaming the circumstances that failed us, and ignoring how we ourselves failed. We love praises because, they sound more believable to us than critics.

Right from our infancy, we are well on our way to developing the crucial social skill of processing a face within a few milliseconds, to form a judgment as to whether the person is friend or rival, proficient or likeable. At the same time, we process information about others' impressions of us. Do they approve or disapprove of us? Are we, in their eyes, likeable, proficient, reliable – or not? We as social beings not only wish to spend time together, we also wish to be liked by others. This basic human need stems from the fundamental requirement of wanting to be included in a group.

Sometimes, we cringe about our conversations with the group or teams, convinced we made a bad impression. This mismatch between our perceptions of our social performance, and other’s opinions of us, is known as the “liking gap”. This could potentially limit our ability to form personal connections, and create mutually rewarding collaborations at work.

The ‘liking gap’ could be a result of too much introspection. We are so mindful and worried of the impression we have given to the individual or the group we spoke to that we miss the positive signals. We might have missed noticing someone’s laughter, encouraging smile, or the warmth in their eyes.

The ‘liking gap’ could mean significant implications for workplace outcomes. When people felt that their peers perceived them less positively, they were less likely to ask for help, less willing to communicate openly and honestly, and felt less included on their team. The negative perceptions were also related to decreased team effectiveness and overall job satisfaction. Several researches have shown that people underestimate how much others like them, and this is likely to negatively influence how teams at the workplace relate to each other, work together, and feel about their jobs. ???

While there are several studies recommending possible interventions to help ease people’s anxieties of approval, or disapproval by others, it is suggested that it is better to go easy on yourself. The chances are that you were much more likeable than you think.

References

Boothby, E.J., Cooney, G., , Sandstrom, G.M., & Clarke, M.S. (2018) The Liking Gap in Conversations: Do people like us more than we think??Psychological Science, 29(11), 1742-1756

Mastroianni, A.M., Cooney, G., Boothby, E.J. & Reece, A.G. (2021) The liking gap in groups and teams.?Organisational Behaviour and Human Decision Processes, 162, 109-122.

Terri Apter (2020). The Liking Gap - Why we underestimate others' opinions of us, and why it matters.