Like pottery in a workshop

"You've always been a bit of an anarchist!" my brother told me one day. I didn't feel that way then, and I don't feel that way now. However, over time, I understood what he meant, and yes, perhaps I have a bit of aversion to rules, linearity, and convergence towards goals commonly recognized as fundamental. Not that I do it with a spirit of rebellion or a desire to emerge. On the contrary, I've always preferred to be behind the scenes, working in the shadows. It's an innate drive, nothing metaphysical, just a strong desire to plan, and make projects, and ideas. A common experience for everyone, except that often my life takes less common paths, winding roads, difficult to share, and risky.

My less common choice was made almost seven years ago, driving on an Italian highway. With Virgin radio playing in the background and rain pouring down, we were returning to Rome after a family weekend. My wife, (at that time, she still didn't know it, but she would soon become my wife) was feverish and sitting in the passenger seat when she was hit by my brightest, craziest, and most creative idea ever: marriage!

Yes, I asked her to marry me in a somewhat anarchic way, but it wasn't intentional. And no, it wasn't the push of love, the desire to crown our relationship with a fairytale event. No, we didn't need it; we didn't feel the need to get married. No, it was a choice of necessity. She would leave for Boston, USA, where she had been invited to join a research group at the prestigious Harvard University. A brilliant career is on the horizon, how can you say no? But, there is always a "but," it was clear that this would put our relationship at risk. What could I do? How can you quit everything and leave? I worked as an Art Director in Rome back then; our whole life was there, home, friends, family, and my Vespa!

Unless... well, it would be crazy, but maybe...

Yes, let's get married, I'll quit my job and come with you. You'll have your husband with you! Yes, yes! An anarchist HUSBAND with you!

Pretty cool, right?

No?

I'm still unpacking the boxes from our last move to Newcastle, UK.

Over the years we've had many moves, and of various kinds. Here we arrived by ship, at night, remembering other immigrants at other times.

We arrived and were put into quarantine, still a common story.

We arrived and, also here, due to Brexit, we had to apply for a visa, and here too, I am dependent on my wife's VISA. Here too, she will have her husband with her.

A suitcase.

Following someone puts you in front of the fateful question, the one that everyone asks themselves, some try to avoid it at the beginning, but then it comes, and it's not easy to face:

"And you? What do you do?"

At this moment in my life, my instinct is to answer: "Me? I'm an anarchist!".

But then I look for a more understandable definition. Not an easy task.

I do many things. No, I don't currently have a job that defines me, we've just arrived and I'm looking for my place. I define myself by the things I've done, the experiences I've had, and the choices I've made. I define myself as a person, not as a professional. What have I done? Well, I must have done something.

In the last 6 years, I have travelled a lot. I've been able to visit a dozen countries and live in 5 of them, from the Caribbean Sea of Puerto Rico to the North Sea of Newcastle. I've learned a couple of foreign languages, or at least I can defend myself. I've met so many people. I've learned to live in different ways. I've chopped vegetables in the kitchen of an Italo-American restaurant, I've been a restaurant manager without speaking English, I've lived in Puerto Rico without speaking Spanish and moved to France remembering only how to say "bonjour". I quit smoking! I worked as a university consultant, opened an office in Toulouse, and even closed it! I caught Covid, when there were no vaccines yet and fear was so great. I designed an educational board game for schoolchildren and updated the visual identity of a brewery. I've tasted different cuisines, learned about different cultures, and admired different landscapes.

I had to convince my family that I'm not completely crazy, that I haven't jumped into the void or nullified myself. I had to bring them with me, even if just virtually, on my journey.

I travelled. I travelled a lot.

So maybe that's what I am: I'm a travel companion! Not a dependant husband, a suitcase, a supplement, an employee.

I'm the companion on a fantastic journey, and I thank my wife for inviting me to share it with her.

Update: Today, I can also define myself by the job I have, but I still prefer to be defined by the person I am. A lot has happened in the past year. I caught Covid again at Christmas, but this time I wasn't as scared, it was just very annoying. I have a fantastic nephew, whom unfortunately I don't see enough, and I'm afraid he's growing up too fast. I wish I could be more present in his life, but how can I? I hope to make up for it in the future. I joined a fantastic startup as a that aims to simplify and speed up cancer diagnoses. We aspire to change the world, one diagnosis at a time. Working with this team makes you feel that for once, your work could make a difference to many people. It's like a dream. We bought a little house in England, two rooms and a kitchen. We lost our beloved cat. But we're waiting to fill the second room with a new piece of our heart, it's already on its way, and should arrive in a few months. We hang in there, we face the long, dark winter of the north, we warm ourselves with the thought of future adventures, and we grow, always. I have become more emotional, I don't really understand why, but I'm trying to adapt. I have many projects and many ambitions. They keep me company. I always have strong family support, but sometimes I still have to carry them all on my shoulders and drag them to distant and unknown lands, but on the other hand, it's the right price to pay. Sometimes it's heavy, sometimes less. Other pieces of our hearts.