Like bananas, women in the workplace have a very short shelf life...

It's a bitter pill to swallow, yet one we all have to take. We have to accept that ageism in the workplace (and in society) is real and for women, especially, it bites us at BOTH ends of the spectrum and that apparently, we have about 10 good years to be taken seriously.

What fresh hell is this little gem of new information? 10 years?

Given the average lifespan worldwide, is about 71 years, with women living an average of 73 years and men living an average of 68 years and in the US, the average lifespan is almost 79 years with women living an average of 81 years and men 76 years, are we really going to accept that we have a shelf life of relevance in the workplace for a mere 10 years?

To make matters even more ridiculously frustrating apparently those 10 years are likely the most exhausting, overburdened and over-stretched years of our lives. (kids, work, parents...all the things) According to Tetyana Shippee, a social gerontologist at the University of Minnesota School of Public Health,?told AARP in June?that “From ages 18 to 30, women report age discrimination due to being too young. From your mid-30s to your mid-40s is a safe time. Then age discrimination starts to pick up again after age 50, and it’s especially high after 55-plus.”

Interestingly enough, this feeds right into the stereotypes we see in Hollywood, literature and the media. We are conditioned to see ourselves through the lens of these stereotypes.

You know the ones...

The 18-30ish year old woman, a young ingenue too naive to know what's best for her seeking the guidance of her 45+ year old male professor with just enough silver in his hair to look wise, yet incredibly handsome, patient and oh so willing to guide her frail mind because the world is simply too overwhelming for her delicate sensibilities. I think of Emily Dickinson whose work wasn't published until years after her death as she wasn't taken seriously by society during her youth, when she wrote some of her most impactful work.

The 35-45 year old who knows her mind, knows what she wants and isn't afraid to go after it...all of it. She is independent, worldly and driven. She is smart, articulate and has a conservative, but just sexy enough sense of style to keep you looking. She is in control and has it all, an amazing career a fabulous high-rise apartment in Manhattan, a dermatologist on speed dial lest she miss a Botox appointment and meets up with her BFF's for cocktails on the regular to talk about work, sex and her next hostile takeover. This reminds me of the fictional character, Carrie Bradshaw, and of COURSE she's fictional!

Then we get to the 50ish+ woman. She's gardening, with a linen apron covering her adorable JCrew cardigan and jeans. She's wearing a cute sun hat and you can see a smidge of silver highlights peeking out around her every so slightly aging face. Or maybe she's in the kitchen baking muffins for her late afternoon book club, where she meets up with the other over 50 ladies who lunch, take long walks through the park and provide sage wisdom to their absolutely adorable grandchildren. She retired early, if she ever worked at all, because she somehow has independent financial means and was tired of the hustle of the big city. (are you picturing Diane Keaton? I know I am.)

OK, OK, I know these aren't the only stereotypes out there, there are so many more...you know which one is the worst? The one that's true.

You know, the smart, eager young woman ready to do meaningful work, make a difference while also making a name for herself who is constantly given administrative work or asked to get coffee because she isn't taken seriously enough to work on the actual project team.

The 35-45 year old woman who has found her voice, asserts herself and is labeled a bitch for speaking up, creating boundaries and holding others accountable for their actions. The woman with expectations of having a career and a family, who is constantly trying to meet the needs of everyone around her, while neglecting her own. The woman who is judged, questioned openly about her personal life choices and circumstances and made to feel "less than" for not having children, regardless of why OR for having children because apparently the moment you have a child you are categorically unable to contribute to the workplace as much as those without children. Somehow, men are not judged for being a parent or for choosing not to have children, but it comes on in full force to women from other women and everyone else.

And lastly, the older, wiser, more experienced and simply fed-up woman who has finally learned to say no to what no longer serves her. The woman we should all be tapping into for guidance, support and mentorship, but who is often dismissed because she's perceived as too old to understand and out of touch with what it takes to be competitive. We believe because she wasn't born with an iPad in her hand or founded her own tech start up in Silicon Valley, she couldn't possibly know or understand the challenges of what it's like to be relevant, make an impact or run a business.

The reality is that all of these types of women exist in the world, from the ingenue to the boss bitch, and we should be celebrating and championing every last one of them. (Well, maybe not the actual bitchy ones who compete in unhealthy ways, we don't need to celebrate them, but sometimes we want to BE them...just for a day, or two) If we would just take a pause to realize the power and influence we do have, just as we are, and work together to make the changes we want, the world and certainly the workplace will be better for it.

We have to let go of competing with each other in unhealthy ways and find all the amazing things we have in common that make us the most powerful force on this planet. We need to own our power, lean into it and reject that we are too old, too young or too anything other than exactly who we choose to be.

Let's talk in terms of financial impacts, because we all know, if we want to get and hold the attention of decision makers, we have to bring into focus financial impacts...so, here we go:

• Women make up more than half of the U.S. population, and control or influence 85% of consumer spending (source, Forbes 2019)
• The purchasing power of women in the U.S. ranges from $5 trillion to $15 trillion annually.?(Source: Nielsen Consumer, 2013)
• Women control more than 60% of all personal wealth in the U.S.?(Source: Federal Reserve, MassMutual Financial Group, BusinessWeek, Gallup)
• Women purchase over 50% of traditional male products, including automobiles, home improvement products, and consumer electronics.?(Source: Andrea Learned, “Don’t Think Pink”)
• Approximately 40% of U.S. working women now out-earn their husbands.?(Source: U.S Bureau of Labor Statistics)

In addition to the above, women control over 31.8 Trillion in worldwide spending (Source,?Catalyst.org/research/buying?power, 2020). I can't even wrap my head around 31.8 Trillion dollars, but imagine what we could do if we came together to pledge even .001% of that money to championing a more equitable world for women? How do we set an example and help the next generation so they avoid the the struggles we have faced, go farther, faster and create a world where women of all ages are viewed based on more than how they look and their age? How do we change the narrative that we only have a 10 year shelf-life of relevance in the workplace?

First, we must believe we can. AND WE CAN! There is no greater force on this planet than that of determined women. We know, to make big changes, we have to start with small changes, that, over time start to change how we feel, think and are perceived. Here are some ways I believe we can start making small changes, that will lead to making greater impacts.

1. Find your Squad. Being a high-performing executive woman can be lonely. We are surrounded by people all day and into the evening, and yet, we often still feel very alone. It's hard to explain to someone who doesn't have your level of responsibility or visibility what that constant pressure feels like. We are expected to be almost super-human, with all the answers, resources, time and endless energy. We must look ready for a photo shoot at any time, always be smiling, or at the very worst, neutral to avoid being accused of having RBF and we have to "be nice" (ugh). We are conditioned to believe that asking for help or admitting we don't have the answer means we are weak, unsuitable for leadership or any number of other inaccurate, but very real perceptions that exist, so, we don't ask for help and we do everything we can do fit the mold, and it's lonely and exhausting. When we feel alone, we can lose sight of the power we do have, everything feels insurmountable. We become physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted and often find the path of least resistance, just to get through the day. (no judgement here, been there, done that) We may think to ourselves, "I am just one person, one exhausted person, what can I possibly do to make a difference?" Well, I believe, one person can make a difference, regardless of her age and when women come together around a common cause, we can move mountains. We have the power to influence the way the world and employers see and value women at every stage of our lives. We need community, we need our own group of trusted friends, advisors and confidants. We need women who understand our challenges, share in our frustrations and have a desire to share, advocate, listen and simply hold space for us. When we have this level of connection, we can laugh about our ridiculous stories and experiences and when we do, we feel better, lighter and energized. We feel less alone, less "crazy" because we know others who have experience the same of similar things, we have a community, and from that community can blossom strength and courage to make a difference and change the narrative. Check out these women, of all ages, races and backgrounds who found courage and community and whose influence is still felt today.
2. Be the Mentor/Coach You Wish You Had. Many of us have come up through the ranks by fighting our way each up each and every rung of the ladder. We have found ways to survive and succeed, and many of us wear that struggle like a badge of honor. But imagine if you had an older, wiser mentor to help you along the way. What pitfalls might you have avoided? What conversations might you have managed differently? What rooms might you have been invited into? So many times throughout my career I wished I had someone to talk to about the challenges in front of me, the frustrations I was experiencing or feedback I received. We have an opportunity to influence the next generation of Executive Women (and men) by sharing our experiences, our lessons, our wins and our regrets. Imagine the impact we can have if we all mentor just one person each year. We can make things better, I believe it's our responsibility to do so one mentee at a time.
3. Courageously Share Your Truth. Silence is the enemy of truth. When we use our voices, we share our truths and it is in the sharing of our truths that we can open the eyes of others to realities they may never have known. We have a responsibility to use our voices to speak up when we see or know something is wrong. In both of these scenarios, it takes courage. It takes courage to open up and tell your story and it takes courage to call out wrongdoing when you see it. As Dr. Brene Brown shares, you cannot have courage without vulnerability, and I don't know about you, but being vulnerable is one of the scariest things in the world to me. I used to associate vulnerability with weakness, and the very last thing I ever wanted to be perceived as, was weak. I have since learned, I was wrong. Showing vulnerability, while still scary as hell, is one of the most courageous things we can ever do. Refusing to look the other way when a hurtful joke was made at someone else's expense, challenging our co-workers to live the values they espouse or calling someone out for behaving outside of their integrity, takes courage. Wearing something you love that women over 50 "shouldn't wear" takes courage. Walking away from toxic relationships vs persevering to prove something to someone who doesn't value you, takes courage. We have to make conscious decisions all day everyday to step into and live our truth (courage), knowing we may face rejection or condemnation (vulnerability). When we do this, we are setting an example for everyone around us and empowering others to do the same. Every time we stand up for what it right, we create a ripple, and whether we know it or not, we are impacting change.

So, while the data and research may tell us that women have an optimal shelf life of 10 years in the workplace, I stand (or sit) here today absolutely rejecting this paradigm. I see examples of how wrong and dangerous this mindset is every day. Look at young women like Greta Thunberg, Malala Yousafzai, Anne Sullivan and Harriet Tubman all courageous women who took action before they were 30 years old and have changed or are changing our world in beautiful and courageous ways. On the other end of the spectrum, we have amazing women over 50 who have and continue to make significant impacts, like Hali Lee, Oprah Winfrey and Jane Goodall. It's long past time we continue allowing others to dictate how and when we are at our best or have the ability to make an impact.

As long as we have a desire we can be and will continue to be relevant, whether we are 20 years old or 75 years old, we get to choose our path. It's time we stand together, as women in the workplace, let go of all the frameworks meant to dim our lights and shine brighter than ever before.

Are you interested in creating a more equitable world for Women? Contact me at [email protected] for more information about training programs and keynote speaking opportunities for your organization .